8 Things Guys Wish Women Knew About How To French Kiss Well

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couple kissing

For some reason, French kissing always sounds like such a "young" thing to do. Adults rarely talk about going somewhere to park so they can make out or French for a few hours.

But maybe adults need French kissing more than they think they do. After all, there are a lot of grown adults who don't know how to French kiss well. But they need to learn. Because French kissing can be awesome — it’s slow, sensual, intimate.

We forget that the mouth is actually one of the body’s erogenous zones, and it can actually feel really, really good to just spend some significant time having a deep, passionate kiss with your partner.

If — and it’s a big if — you know what you’re doing. Because French kissing with a bad kisser is awful. It’s the worst.

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The sad fact is that, speaking as a guy, we can’t always tell our partners that making out doesn’t feel good. It’s such an aggressive, purpose-driven kiss that it feels awkward to push back and say, “Whoa, whoa, whoa... what was that?”

Most of us learned how to French kiss at a really early age, back when we couldn’t expect much constructive criticism. (Everyone just wanted to touch stuff and tell their friends.) But it can be such an amazing thing to add to your romantic repertoire, if you’re willing to put the work in.

With that in mind, ladies, here are 8 things your man wishes he could tell you about how to French kiss — the right way.

1. Don’t start with your mouth wide open.

It’s good to be eager, but attacking your man like you’re about to dominate a watermelon-eating contest isn’t the way to start a hot session of continental-style kissing. Your lips shouldn’t be locked shut. However, you also shouldn’t look like you’re about to shove a pool ball into your mouth.

Keep your lips parted slightly — just enough that a tongue could work its way inside, if it wanted to — and go from there.

2. When it comes to kissing, tempo is everything.

Making out isn’t about racing to the end. It’s all about building to a crescendo together.

Think of French kissing like giving your partner a massage. You don’t start a massage by angrily attacking the knots on your man’s back at full intensity.

You work your way up to it. You get things ready. You start soft and gradually introduce more and more pressure — the same rules apply for Frenching.

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3. Nobody likes an aggressive tongue.

This is a rookie mistake when it comes to French kissing — when the one person just shoves their tongue into the other person’s mouth way too hard. They think they’re coming across as passionate or insatiable, but, in reality, they’re just being tone deaf and needy.

It’s like a man deciding that he really likes a woman, so, in order to arouse her, he starts hitting her crotch with a wiffle-ball bat. That won’t ever stimulate her clitoris and your angry octopus tentacle tongue won’t ever make him think, “Whoa, she’s really into this.”

It’s just going to make everyone uncomfortable.

4. Be careful of teeth.

Same rule applies for oral sex. Biting is a no-no 99.9 percent of the time.

Don’t try to pull off any sexy BDSM pain stuff with your teeth during a French kiss. It will almost certainly go wrong.

5. Let your tongues dance.

That’s an odd-sounding analogy, but the idea behind it is sound. The goal in French kissing isn’t to explore every inch of your partner’s mouth with your tongue. It’s to be playful and passionate.

Think of your man’s tongue as your dance partner. Your tongues should circle around each other, touch gently. You work up a momentum together, going from fast motions to slow, languorous patterns.

Follow each other’s lead. You’re not trying to bring their mouth to orgasm. You’re just trying to kiss them in a way that feels amazing, like you could do this together for hours.

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6. Constant contact isn’t necessary for a good French kiss.

The point of French kissing isn’t to have your mouths open and touching the entire time, so don’t feel like you need to have your faces perpetually mashed together.

It’s totally cool — and even kind of sexy — to break contact every now and again. Break it off, kiss his lips gently, tease him, make him anticipate you coming back into the embrace.

Remember: this isn’t a stamina contest. This is supposed to be hot! Take breaks, dart in and out, have him work for it. It’s sexier that way.

7. Oral hygiene matters.

This might go without saying, but if you’re going to have a guy’s tongue dancing around your mouth for a while, maybe clean up the place before he arrives. That means a lot of pre-kissing brushing and flossing, and you might want to think about your date night activities, too.

For example, if that’s how you want to end the evening, maybe don’t order the side of onion rings with dinner or don’t eat a bunch of movie theater popcorn on your date — unless you want his tongue unconsciously seeking out stuck kernels in your wisdom teeth all night.

8. French kissing isn’t just about your tongues.

OK, tongues are the defining characteristics of French kissing, but they’re not the only part of the experience. You also have to remember what to do with the rest of your body.

For starters, don’t smash your face into his face too hard in a vain attempt at seeming passionate. (It doesn’t feel good.) And pay attention to your hands. You can start with rubbing his back, but, as you get into it, feel free to let your hands roam.

If you have a trusting relationship, you can even hold his face in your hands, cradling it while you kiss. Just remember to use everything at your disposal to make it a night to remember.

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Tom Burns is a husband, a dad, and a veteran of the educational publishing industry, living just outside of Detroit Rock City. After years of obsessing about what his daughter was reading, he founded Building-a-Library, a website devoted to helping parents find the right books for their kids.