You Can't Go Wrong With A Penis Cake That Ejaculates Whipped Cream

penis cake

Are you ready to see the penis cake that puts all other penis cakes to shame?

(Now there's a sentence I never saw myself writing during my illustrious career). 

I can see you nodding your heads and thinking, "Pffft, penis cakes, I've seen a million of them." After all, we are all so jaded to novelty shaped confections at this point. 

But I also know that NOTHING can prepare you for what you are about to see even if you've seen roughly eight million penis cakes in your tenure on this earth. 

Behind, a penis cake that ejaculates whipped cream. I repeat, a (seemingly circumcised?) penis cake that ejacs whipped cream: 


If you need to take another couple of seconds to appreciate its horrific majesty, I totally understand and in fact am right there with you. 

If I was ever on the receiving end of a penis cake that spurted out whipped cream, I think my relative prudishness would be overwhelmed by my deep and abiding passion for all that whipped cream. Suffice to say I'm sure there would be video taken that would prevent me from ever running for public office. Definitely something to bear in mind, should you ever be the recipient of one of these gems.

This phallic phenomenon was made by Swiss baker Jasmin Rinkes. Weirdly enough, she was inspired to make this veritable food ode to the penis when her FATHER asked her to make him one as a prank to play on a co-worker. 

A prank. Suuuure, Dad, whatever you say. A likely story indeed. 


It took Jasmin five hours to make the penis cake.

She had to hand sculpt (lol) the penis out of marizpan, make the rest of the cake out of biscuits and mousse, AND make sure the cake was ready, willing, and able to spurt its cream on demand. 

When Jasmin shared her cake on the internet people predic(k)tably went nuts and started demanding that Jasmin send them festive penis cakes

I can only hope that since Jasmin isn't making these penis cakes commercially, so we can expect to find many hilariously terrible versions made by amateur bakers.