A Letter To Myself On The Day I Left My Wife

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A letter to myself on the day I left my wife.

You tried. You tried so hard.

It took 14 years for my wife and I to go from a teenage summer romance, to engaged, to married in our mid-twenties, to an open marriage, to just somebody that I used to know...


Los Angeles California, early Wednesday morning, three years ago.

"Dear Me:

Today, instead of going home from work, you'll head to your favorite bar and get a message from your wife. You'll tell her to join yo  and not long after she does. the music will go silent, your heart will start pounding, and you'll tell her you want to end your marriage.

Don't try and stop it; you know it's the right thing to do. However, there are a few things you need to hear:

You need to forgive yourself for what you're about to do.


It's been over for a long time in your heart and waiting any longer would be unkind. You both deserve a life of happiness

Be kind to her and choose your words carefully.

Over the last two years, you've hurt each other terribly and there's a great deal of resentment built up. Just remember you're both at fault. 

Despite everything that's happened and all the signs you've seen, she does NOT see this coming.


Brace yourself for this and soften your tone. Despite the fact that you need to be apart, a certain amount of respect has been earned for all the times you've helped each other.

Be warned: she will break.

Not right away, but soon after she'll revert to the person she was before she cheated on you. It will become all your fault in the eyes of many. Protect your emotions during this time. Eventually, they'll come to see that you did the right thing, though it will take longer than you hope and you will endure many emotional beatings.

Forgive her for everything she did and what she's about to put you through.


You did the best you could during the worst of times, and despite what some will say, you tried to make it work. You tried so hard. You did not trade her in for the superficial. Over the years you've pulled her from the darkest of places, and she has done the same for you. 

You are about to lose people you never expected to lose because you're the one who will say the words, "I'm ending it."

You will be the villain and she, the victim. It's all anyone will see at first. Embrace those that see your courage and accept there will be many who choose to see you as selfish. You can't control what people think but do not let the uninformed judgments of others sway you from doing what you know to be right. All of them will eventually understand, I promise. 

Parts of you that you forgot were there are about to come back.


Your love of adventure, your sense of self-worth and so much more. Embrace them and dive head-first into every adventure that is coming your way. It won't all be easy but it will be a challenge worth taking. You will become more than you ever imagined over the next couple of years.

Tonight, when the moment arrives and you say it's over, remember you did not act without thinking.

All the sadness you both will feel is part of the grieving process. You grew up with this woman. Without your time together you wouldn't be able to be the man you soon will be. Let a grateful heart be the foundation of your armor. It will make it stronger and rust less easily. 

You will be OK and so will she. The only constant in life is change, old friend. Have courage, forgiveness, compassion and resolve. 

See you soon,