Photo: Unsplash: Norman Toth
These actions say everything.
By Orna & Matthew Walters — Written on Mar 07, 2019
Ladies, we know you’ve been there. You’re seeing a guy you really like, and after a few months you finally get the nerve up to ask him that ill-fated question, “Where is this going?”
The answer women receive is often quite vague. It's likely the guy wants to keep things in the gray area because when your relationship status is ambiguous, he doesn’t have to do much. Without much effort at all on his part, he gets to enjoy your companionship, an emotional connection, and, possibly, sexual intimacy.
Understanding how to tell if a guy seriously likes you and is interested in you for more than sex will help you move on more quickly from a guy who shows signs he's not into you and will only waste your time.
This will forever end the need for you to ask yourself and your friends, “Does he like me, or does he just want sex?” ever again.
A guy who truly likes you and wants a long-term, healthy relationship with you will behave in ways that will make his intentions fairly obvious.
Here's how to tell if a guy likes you and wants to keep seeing you for more than "just one thing".
1. He calls to ask you out on a date
A guy who likes you will ask you out in advance. And contrary to popular belief, this is true for men of all ages.
We’ve had clients in their 20s and 30s swear that we just don’t understand and that we’re “old” when we tell them this — and every one of them comes back later to tell us that the guys they end up marrying asked them out in advance for dates.
Every. Single. One. At. Every. Age.
Some guys may initially ask you out via text message, and it will still be in advance. And there are ways to get the texting guy to call you instead if that’s what you prefer.
One woman was dating a guy we nick-named "Convenient Phil". As long as she remained easy-going and accommodating, he would continue to text her and ask her out, including her in his plans only when it was easy and convenient for him. She’d meet him at the location of his choosing, and she’d go along with whatever plan he suggested.
When she upped the ante by asking for what she wants, he stopped asking her out.
“Convenient Phil” was looking for companionship and sex, not a serious relationship.
Having decided to hold whoever came next to this same standard, she's now in an exclusive relationship with a guy who treats her like royalty. Her current boyfriend has called to ask her out for every date — even the very first one. She's never had to doubt his intentions because he showed her every step of the way that he liked her and was interested in a relationship with her.
2. He's interested in your interests and tastes
A guy who likes you will pay attention to what you like and don’t like. If you’ve shared your favorite wine, or restaurant, or that your favorite band is going to be in town, the guy who wants to move things forward will surprise you with things you’ve told him about that you like.
Share your tastes with the guys you are dating, and don’t just go along to get along. Be authentic and share your true self. The guy who wants to woo you will need some info to go on, so be sure to speak up.
Perhaps author Robert Fulghum said it best with this quote:
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
Don’t be vague. Don’t assume he ought to know what you want. Attraction or even deep love doesn’t come with mind-reading powers. If you ask him and let him know that you’d feel good if he would do a particular thing, the guy who likes you will do it.
The guy who's just looking for some companionship and sex won’t. He’ll disappear.
3. He wants to impress you
A guy who likes you may attempt to show off for you. Just like in the animal kingdom, the male bird puffs up his feathers and attempts to be as big and impressive he can be as way to show off for the female bird.
This “showing off” can take many forms. When a guy is nervous, he may talk a lot about himself. That is his attempt to show off for you to share about his accomplishments.
If you find him attractive and you’re wondering if he’s ever going to ask about you, be patient. Letting him know what you find impressive about him will help him relax. When he does, he will be curious to find out more about you.
If he’s waiting at the valet so you can see his fancy sports car, he's doing it because he wants to impress you. If that’s not your thing, it's up to you to show him what is, but the guy who is trying to impress you and simply doesn’t know how is an easy fix! All he needs is the information about what you do find impressive and appealing.
This shows up online as well. You've probably noticed how many guys have photos of themselves standing next to their fancy car or boat. They’re just puffing up their feathers to impress you. Notice the intention in these men’s choices and actions. They are looking to impress.
4. He wants to be your hero
Even if today’s modern world doesn’t require that the man be the breadwinner, men want to feel as though they can be your hero.
It’s unlikely they'll ever need to rescue you from a high-tower, so look for opportunities to ask for help with things you know he can do for you.
One woman we coached mentioned in passing to the guy she was dating that her car's low tire pressure warning had come on. He offered to come over with his own compressor to fill her tires with air, which turned into a lovely opportunity for an impromptu date, as they went for a walk and a meal after he had come to her rescue with her vehicle.
Carrying out these small, helpful tasks for you means the world to a man who is looking to be your knight in shining armor. Give him opportunities to shine and be "the man" for you.
5. He wants you to feel cherished, cared for and safe
The guy who likes you will drive across town in traffic to see you. He may even drive all the way to your place to pick you up to bring you to his place, and then take you home at the end of the night.
You are worth it, and the guy who likes you will treat you like you’re worth it! He will want to be the one to drive you around, or send an Uber for you, or meet you at your place to get on the subway together.
This is how he ensures that you feel cherished, cared for and safe. His goal is to win your heart, not just get into your pants.
When we first started, dating Matthew didn't come around to open the passenger side door when we got into the car. It just wasn’t something he was in the habit of doing, as he wasn’t raised that way. After about two weeks, and not anywhere near the car, I said, “I really feel cherished when a man opens the car door for me. Would you do that when we go out?”
He responded with a resounding, “Yes I can!”
And he still does it to this day after 12 years together.
A guy who likes you will want you to feel cherished, cared for, and safe. A guy who just wants to get in your pants will not make an investment in getting to know you. He won't be willing to do what it takes to prove he is worthy of you.
6. He claims you
It’s common in the dating world to rush to exclusivity as quickly as possible. The guy who likes you will want to claim you ASAP. As tempting as that may be, it's important to go at a slower pace so you don’t end up in relationships that don't last.
The person you start dating is often a stranger that you’ve met online. Even if you’ve met offline, in-person, through work, or mutual friends, there are many benefits to holding off on exclusivity.
He can still "claim" you by asking you to make plans in the future like taking a short trip, going to see a concert he needs to get tickets for in advance, or attending the wedding of a friend together. All of these are examples of a man looking to claim you by booking time with you in the future.
This is a guy who likes you and wants a relationship with you over any other woman.
7. He's willing to wait until you're ready
One of the benefits of putting off sex even when the chemistry is off the charts is discovering a man’s intentions.
The old saying, “Why would a man buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free?” has some merit. We’re not suggesting you delay sex until after marriage, but that you allow sex to mean exclusivity.
This waiting period is not about a particular number of dates or an exact amount of time spent dating. It’s more about being able to have a conversation about what sex means for you before getting into bed, and this conversation should occur before you’re already in the midst of making out with him.
A guy who likes you will be patient. He will hear you saying, “Not now” as opposed to, “Not ever.”
A great way to escalate the sexual tension is by letting him know you want to, but that you’re not ready ... yet. It’s the ‘yet’ that will inform him that you really are interested, and that you’re looking for him to have patience with you, as well as to prove himself worthy.
A man who simply wants some companionship and sex won't be patient. He’ll move on quickly to find an easier target.
The guy who likes you won't have an issue investing his time with you before introducing sex into the relationship.
Ultimately, the guy who likes you won’t be mysterious or subtle about pursuing you.
Even if he’s shy, he’ll still make the effort to take actions that show you his intentions, clearly and without doubt.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches for spiritual, successful and resilient women who have everything, except the man of their dreams. For more, read their report, Why Smart Women Stay Single (hint: it’s not at all what you think).