If You Hate Him, You're Still Holding On When He's Obviously Let Go

Photo: WeHeartIt

You’re holding yourself back.

Breakups are one of the few places I think anger is actually a very useful tool. I mean, nothing makes you want to move on more than wanting to run your ex over with a monster truck. 

That intense hate you can only feel for someone you used to love is one of the biggest motivating factors in the process of letting go.

And while hating your ex might get you back on Tinder or inspire you to lose that extra five pounds, it can actually be the one thing that’s holding you back. 

Because even if you’re cursing his name, you’re still saying it. 


Hate and love are two different parts of the same emotion. While they might ellicit different responses out of you, both require you to be invested, present and wrapped up to a point where it starts affecting your day-to-day life. 

The truth of the matter is, if you hate your ex, you also still love them in a sense. Their presence still holds significance and the things they do effect your life a lot more than they should. Holding on to that hate might make you feel empowered at first, but eventually it will just wither down to sadness. 

The best thing you can do for yourself isn’t hate, but forgive. 

I know, you probably don’t think they deserve your forgiveness and wishing them well makes you want to throw up a little bit.

But you don’t forgive for them  you forgive for you. 

When you forgive someone for hurting you, you’re telling yourself you’re ready to let go of that situation. You no longer want to think about it or hold on to it. You want to move on. 


So every time you think about your ex, instead of going on an internal rant about how much they suck, just simply think: “I forgive you.” And slowly, but surely you will. 

Your anger might feel justified — and it probably is — but you don’t want to live your life in a state of hate.

It’s time you move on for real.