Self, Sex

8 Big Signs He's Not Making Love To You, He's Just Using You

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Signs He's Not Making Love to You, He's Just Fucking You

Sex is heavy stuff. When you get into bed with someone, unless you're looking for a one-night stand, you're wanting someone who cares as much about you as they do about themselves.

All that stuff about two becoming one may sound like bullsh*t, but it's a saying for a reason: when you have sex, you want to meld into the other person. Sex isn't just about getting off, but about being with that other person...

Except when it's not.

You need to know the difference between making love and f*cking. Sure, you know the actual difference: someone who cares more about getting off than they do the other person, but can you tell the difference in practice? Are you sure you're with someone who wants to make love, not f*ck?

Here's how to tell he's just f*cking you.

1. He cares more about getting off than he cares about you.


During sex, everyone wants to get their cookie. But when he does things that disregard your comfort or pleasure in order to get off, there's no togetherness there. He's just f*cking you.

For example, if he's f*cking you too deeply and too hard, you ask him to slow down, and he doesn't, not only is he just f*cking you, he's also getting really close to rape.

2. He doesn't show any attention to getting you off.

Your clit could be sitting on the mantlepiece for all the attention he pays it. He might kiss you, and rub against you, and he might even grab you between the legs, but it's only a self-serving way of getting you wet so he can f*ck you.

He's rough; he doesn't ask for direction. He also doesn't ask what you like and don't like. And once he's inside you, he's not aiming for the G-spot. He's thrusting, thrusting, thrusting to get himself off.

3. Afterwards, he'll ask if it was good for you because he doesn't know.


You should never have to ask your partner if the sex was good, because you felt their orgasm. Making love means paying equal attention to getting each other off. If he's just f*cking you, he doesn't care, and hence has to ask you about the quality of sex.

He didn't know what your orgasm felt like, if you even had one. You probably didn't, because he's too intent on his own pleasure to concentrate on yours.

4. He doesn't shower with you afterwards.

The post-coital period demands a shower. If he made love to you, he wants to get in with you, in all the awkwardness that ensues: the dodging of the shampoo, the awkward sharing of the water. If he just f*cked you, he doesn't care enough to shower with you.

He's going to lounge in bed and play with his phone until you're finished, during which he will take a shower on his own. If he doesn't want to share one intimate moment with you, he doesn't want to share another.

5. He makes presumptions about birth control.


He makes the presumption, specifically, that you've taken care of it. He assumes you're on the pill or the shot or whatever, so he doesn't have to worry about wearing a condom. Disease doesn't enter into the equation. He just wants to ride bareback.

If he was making love to you, he'd make the point to have a conversation about birth control and the need (or not) for condoms aside from that. This is because he cares about you and wants you to be safe. If he's just in it to f*ck you, it doesn't enter his mind.

6. He doesn't take the time to learn your anatomy, but he expects to be jerked off a certain way.

He doesn't spend time figuring out if you want your clit rubbed up and down or side to side. Nor does he get that you like his fingers inserted just a little bit into your vagina. He's too busy trying to get his cookie. But in pursuit of said cookie, he will tell you exactly how to jerk him off, where to press, and what to touch.

7. He'll call the shots when it comes to positioning.


He might pin you down and f*ck you missionary position. But maybe he wants a change of pace and will order you on top of him. A string of directives will issue from his mouth (think "harder," "faster," "deeper"). If he wants it doggie style, he'll just flip you over.

To him it's rough sex, and it's hot. To you, it's a complete disregard for your wants and needs.

8. You wish he'd just finish already.

At some point, you figure out you're not going to get off, and you just wish this were all over. Maybe he's got you doggie style pinned down on the bed, and you moan, "Oh yeah. Faster. Do it faster" — not because you really want him to f*ck you harder (in fact, it kind of hurts), but because you figure it'll make him come more quickly. If he were making love to you, you wouldn't feel this way.

There's a difference between f*cking and making love. A guy who does this stuff isn't interested in making love; he's in it to get off.

You aren't you, but a body for him to use to his own ends. That's not cool. Drop him hard and find someone to make love to. The difference is remarkable.