Photo: J&D's condoms
Condoms you had NO IDEA existed ... and a few that probably shouldn't.
By Sloane Solomon — Written on Jun 30, 2016
When you hear the word "condom" you usually thint of a thin rubber covering that goes onto the penis during sex as a form of protection. Sounds boring, right? I mean, a condom's a condom.
Think again.
Up until now, you've probably thought of condoms like the typical nice guy. They're simple, reliable, they never take risks, and they're there to protect you — and your vagina.
But, sometimes — just sometimes, a condom gets a bit of an upgrade. A little bad boy edge, if you will. And sometimes that edge has a bacon aftertaste.
WAIT. What?!
Yes, and it gets even crazier than that.
Here are some of the strangest types of condoms. From the "that's just plain odd" to the certifiably insane.
1. The "ruins brunch forever" condom.
Bacon condoms are the real deal. Not only do they LOOK like bacon, but they have bacon lube. They promise to provide you a very hot pork experience. Um . . . ok? We'll pass on this one—and try to erase it completely from our minds, too.
And the box actually says, "Make your meat look like meat." I guess that's good, if that's what your partner is into!
2. The "size DOES matter" condom.
For those wanting to really, um, show off to their partners, there's the Condometric condom. It measures the length of the penis — because there's nothing sexier than getting it on with the metric system.
No word yet on whether girth affects accuracy...
3. The "let's get all dressed up" condom.
This is for the ladies who like their men to always look their best — even when they're getting hot and heavy. The tuxedo condom makes even the most intimate moments a formal occasion.
Penises like to get dressed up too, obvs.
4. The, "I'm ready for my close-up" condom.
These condoms are customizable, so you can get your face printed on them. Yes, you read that right. You can put a picture of YOURSELF on a condom. Just imagine your partner whipping a condom out with THEIR face on it. Major ick factor.
5. The "is it just me, or is my vagina melting?" condom.
Ok, we're thinking that these condoms take the phrase "in the heat of the moment" a little too seriously.
The Durex Fetherlite Warming condoms come complete with "pleasurable warming sensations" to get you (supposedly) in the mood. The lubricant covering is warm and activated by the body's natural moisture, allowing the users to feel warm sensations. And cue the cheesy dirty talk—"I'm just warming up, baby."
6. The "did my vagina fall asleep?" condom.
Designed with a special tingling lube, these condoms are definitely something... interesting. They provide a gentle tingling sensation. Oh, and they have a minty fresh scent — because who doesn't want to relate their intimate experiences to toothpaste?
I don't know, but it seems like "tingling" and "mint" might not be a fun combo on your vagina. But hey, I've been wrong before!
7. The "never lose his penis in the dark again!" condom.
If you want to turn your sexy time into a dance party, glow-in-the-dark condoms are where it's at.
They have three layers — the third is made up of a glowing pigment that's sealed between the other two layers. The glowing layer can glow for about 30 seconds. So, get your glow on!
The truth is, if the condom works, we're fans. After all, protected sex is hot sex.
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