Scrotum Lifts Are A New Thing For Men Worried About Old, Saggy Balls

Men are going to balls to the wall. If by wall you mean operating room.

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For years women have gone under the knife, now it’s the men’s turn.

Scrotum lifts: it’s what’s for dinner.

It takes a lot at this point to shock us with plastic surgery tales. The stigma behind cosmetic fixes performed with a knife is mostly gone, especially for women.

From a brand new nose, to a a pair of miraculously perky bosoms gracing the chest of a 60 year old new grandmother, we’re a culture that values the way we look, for better or worse.


First you’re getting a facial, then you’re getting a facelift. It’s a slippery and youth-obsessed slope.

I’m not saying male vanity is anything new either. Men are obsessed with two things: their penises and their hair. I mean, let us never forget that shade of, shall we call it, Travolta-red-brown that male stars of a certain age begin to cultivate rather going salt and pepper when the time comes?

Then there is Nicolas Cage who I am fairly certain pays a small  hawk an annual salary to roost upon his head giving the appearance of hair-like coverage. Plus, who hasn't seen an ad for magical penis enlargement pills


But taking a knife to their ball sack? That is a whole other kettle of ouch.

As men age, the skin and muscle that make up the scrotum begin to sag. This can be a source of insecurity and discomfort. Enter scrotum lifts.

Men around the world are beginning to go under the knife to have this aging excess snipped away.


I like to think of myself as a sympathetic person, but like, I can’t wrap my head around this. A scrotum hangs. I mean come on, isn’t that its chief function? It's designed to protect those fragile sperm from too much hot or too much cold. Verily, the scrot is like a slinky covered in skin with a mission and that mission is furthering the existence of the human race. 

Some men are having the procedure performed due to cancer, but the vast majority are getting snipped for the sake of vanity. I don’t know about you, but I for one, have never been checked out a guy’s balls and been like “oh damn, he’s younger than I thought!”

I guess if it’s making the dude feel good, there’s no reason to yuck his yum. Also, it has been made known to this reporter, that it is intensely uncomfortable to have to organize your balls in such a way as to prevent discomfort. Doubt me, ask any dude who has inadvertently steamrolled a testicle with his thigh while standing up.


It’s interesting that dudes are getting their sacks sutured for cosmetic purposes that by and large have nothing to do with what their partners think of them.

I doubt most women who go in for a breast lift aren’t complaining about the hassle of their tits getting in the way when they are trying to get ready in the morning. Though admittedly, that has happened to me on more than one occasion with more than one difficult shirt. Stranger things have happened, scrotum lifts being one of those things.