27 Passive-Aggressive Quotes That Are Also Funny And Inspirational

You know what you need? Some hysterically tough love!

By Arianna Jeret — Written on May 20, 2020

Photo: YourTango

"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

You know what you need? Some hysterically tough love.

That's right, life can get you down sometimes. And when that happens, you just need a shove in the back (metaphorically) to help get you back up and going.

Life can tire us out, and we sometimes need a bit of encouragement in the form of inspirational, funny quotes to help keep us trucking along.

You know how sometimes you look back and realize that the most inspiring people in your life have been those who gave you some seriously tough love? Like the gym teacher I once heard tell a girl in my high school PE class, "You're the most uncoordinated person I've ever seen! When you eat, do you gouge your eyes out with your fork?!" #truestory

OK, maybe that was a little bit too far on the tough side of the spectrum, and perhaps even a tiny bit passive-aggressive on my part. Also, I am pretty sure that particular coach loved him some Jack Daniels a whole lot more than he loved any of his students. But I think you all knew where I was going.

Someone probably came to mind that reminded you of that gym teacher — a little bit of Gordon Ramsey mixed with Doctor Phil; smart, sassy, and super duper passive aggressive, but still effective and motivating.

Every single person has moments where they feel a bit defeated and unmotivated. It happens because no one is Superman. Being human means making mistakes and learning from them along the way. But you do have to learn from them.

When someone finds themselves in need of some uplifting motivation these days, it's incredibly easy to hop onto Pinterest, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any of the million other social media apps out there and quickly pull up hundreds and hundreds of options. It seems that everywhere you look someone is posting another list. I've done it myself — lots. And I've shared them myself — lots.

But what about those days when you need a smack on the behind? Or maybe, if you're sort of hyper-sensitive (unlike me), a little sassy, snarky meeting with reality?

Look no farther, my lovelies, because I have done the leg work to find those back-handed passive-aggressive quotes that are hopefully also at least a little bit inspirational to finally give you the kickstart you need to get ahead in life.

Here are 27 passive-aggressive quotes culled from hours and hours of sitting on my couch drinking wine conducting brutally comprehensive and totally random ultra-scientific research.

1. No expectations, no disappointment.

"The key to happiness is low expectations. Lower. Nope. Even lower. There you go."

2. Hey, at least you're trying.

"There is nothing impossible to those who will try. Except for really, really hard things, or easy things if you're stupid."

3. Maybe a billion and one.

"Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars."

4. Some people just work best under pressure.

"The best preparation for tomorrow is not doing anything today, because I work better when I have five minutes before company comes over."

5. Or perhaps just straight up shots of tequila ...

"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas."

6. She's a rare breed.

"My favorite mythical creature ever is that happy b— in the tampon commercials."

7. And apparently, it's illegal.

"As a young child my mother told me I can be anyone I want to be. Turns out this is called identity theft."

8. Like cheap heels. Ugh.

"Never judge anyone until you walk a mile in their shoes. Unless they're bad shoes. Then you should totally say something."

9. Basically.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. Also, our species overall lack of a hardened exo-skeleton to protect our vital organs."

10. Now we can all laugh at you together.

"I'm glad you're learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us."

11. And then a quick salty Twitter update ...

"When in doubt, simply post a cryptic Facebook status update. Because that's what grown-ups do."

12. And yeah, he's right.

"God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad a— ."

13. But they are a little heavy.

"If opportunity doesn't knock, don't bother building a door. They have lots of doors at Home Depot and they're not that expensive."

14. So bring a snorkel.

"'Breathe in the ocean.' Last time I checked, that's called drowning."

15. Why can't we have superpowers again?

"You can't change the direction of the wind ... which is f—ing annoying."

16. And focus hard.

"How to be successful: Focus on your own stuff."

17. That's more along the lines of a nightmare.

"If you can dream it, you can do it. Unless you're having that dream where snakes bite your ankles until your teeth fall out. Because you probably shouldn't do that one."

18. Maybe even a deadbolt.

"When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and nails to make sure it stays shut."

19. And yes, girls do love them.