What To Do When Your Husband's Sex Drive Vanishes

It's not because of you!

low sex drive getty

In the beginning, it was sex, sex, sex … ALL the time. His sex drive was off the charts. He couldn’t keep his hands off you! You always felt loved and needed and had NO doubts about his desire for you.

As time went by, the frequency and passionate heat diminished, but you weren’t concerned. You assumed — like most people would — that the decrease in his libido perfectly natural. After all, you’re both older and have been together long enough that work, family, kids and life just seem to get in the way. 


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Heck, you were even a little relieved that you had finally reached a point in your intimacy where it was OK to just be cuddled without feeling that sex was the expected outcome. You certainly didn't think these were signs of low libido.

But lately — to your utter dismay — it seems he has absolutely NO interest in sex (or maybe you?) at all. Ouch.

What caused your husband's low sex drive?


Maybe you’re starting to feel like it’s your fault... it’s those extra ten pounds you put on or all the arguments you’ve recently had about money, or maybe even the wrinkles you’ve gotten around your eyes. Does he not find you sexy anymore?

You’re having all of these self-doubts and every time you try to talk to him about it, he shuts down or tells you not to worry about it.

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He reassures you that he still loves you and just says he’s tired, he’s stressing about work, or he just needs some space. But you can’t help but feel like there’s some other reason he doesn't want you and you’re frustrated, confused, and feeling totally helpless.  


But what if his "excuses" are actually what's causing his low sex drive?

Is he a workaholic who comes home exhausted and stressed out on a daily basis? Do you find yourself inadvertently hovering over him out of concern and worry? Do you still have a life of your own — friends and activities that give you time apart? Has he recently started any new medications? Have you found him watching porn or masturbating in private?

According to author John Gray, the problem could very well be low testosterone levels, and there are some behavioral and hormonal implications that could be part of the problem.  


Give your hubby a big hug and sit him down with you for a couple minutes to watch this YourTango Experts video — John Gray’s frank advice is sure to enlighten you both and most likely will make your follow-up discussion about your situation easier and more productive.

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John Gray's website offers products to help with sexual enhancement as well as timeless advice on all things love and relationships. Take a peek or feel free to reach out to him directly.