How To Slow Things Down When Your Relationship Is Moving Way Too Fast

A hot romp in the parking lot can be thrilling, and if that is what you’re wanting, no harm, no foul. But if you’re hoping that one night fling will develop into something long-term, the chances are slim to none. Even if the two of you continue dating and having sex, the problem isn’t that you’re having excessive sex in the relationship, it’s the fact that you’re having TOO much sex before the relationship even has time to begin to develop.  

Like it or not, ongoing good sex early in dating typically results in the ‘rose colored glasses’ effect — you are so high on those feel-good endorphins that you fall too quickly and your reality is warped. All too many of us have to learn this lesson the hard way.

So instead of jumping into a hot, steamy fling, think about taking things slow for a change.


Why not employ some of the practices of courtship? Take the time to really learn about your partner to determine if they are a good fit. Enjoy the journey instead of racing to the finish. Love isn’t a race to be won, it’s a day by day, moment by moment process.

Try holding hands, have some spine-tingling deep kisses, truly listen to and care about each other, and slowly create a deep and lasting relationship that culminates in an intense bond you always hoped for.

So, how do you learn to pace yourself and allow a healthy relationship to blossom? How do you manage all the anxiety that accompanies the growth of that relationship?

How do you know if your anxiety is a normal byproduct of falling in love, or an unhealthy defense mechanism, or a justified red flag that you should examine more closely?

Our Experts have some interesting insights to share.

The discussion is lead by YourTango Expert's SVP Melanie Gorman along with Licensed Psychologist Alicia H Clark, Licensed Mental Health Counselor Marta Rocha, Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher, and Psychotherapist Dr. Foojan Zeine

Holding back and letting the connection develop is key to mind-blowing sex (and an amazing relationship) over the long haul.


Rush it too fast and you're bound to not only get burned, but you may lose a truly special relationship because you hit a home run too fast.

Sit back, relax, and check out what the experts have to say on this subject. There’s no doubt you’ll learn something valuable and perhaps give you what you need to slow down at the beginning so when you do rev it up, your connection will be here to stay.

Guilty of having sex too early, too often. Perhaps you need more than just a science lesson to mend your ways. Our Experts can help.  Reach out Alicia, Marta and Foojan for help and support!