3 Reasons Trying To Be The 'Perfect' Lover Is RUINING Your Marriage

Photo: weheartit
Cute couple.

Perfection. Just give it up already.

Philosopher Yann Dall'Aglio knows about love. He has two books: I love you: Is love a has been and A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life, but most importantly he gave the very impressive TEDTalk called Love: You're doing it wrong.

Dall'Aglio believes that trying to be the perfect lover isn't only a very clear delusion of modern life, but that it can damage the relationships we hope to strengthen. "It leads to couples obsessed with performance who will break up, just like that, at the slightest underachievement," he says.

And according to him, these are just a few reasons you shouldn't aim for perfection where love is concerned.

1. You overspend by longing for love.

Every time we make a purchase, we have the opportunity to show our personalities, our excellent taste and especially our financial status to any potential partners.

"We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds. We do it to make them love us," Dall'Aglio says.

If I appear perfect with all my cool stuff, then someone else will love me, though in reality, we'd happily toss all of our belongings if we thought that would guarantee love.

"Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, than a teenager buying brand new jeans and tearing them at the knees because he wants to please Jennifer."

2. You hold yourself to impossible standards.

If your lover is perfect, it will make you look perfect ... until everyone is so exhausted from trying to be perfect that the true connection has been destroyed.

3. You don't really know what you're doing.

We're all imposters and that's OK. "Yes, I'm useless. But rest assured, so are you," he says. 

By accepting that we're ignorant and imperfect, it helps release us from the frantic and sometimes desperate need to show the world (and especially ourselves) that we're worthy of love. We fail all the time and that's OK, because it's what makes us human and loveable.

Perfection is very difficult to achieve and even harder to sustain. None of us are perfect, and when you try to force it upon yourself and others, it destroys the love, not strengthens it.

Now, check out Dall'Aglio's TED Talk and see where you're going wrong: