If You Want Your Relationship To Last, Stop Doing These 6 Things

Photo: weheartit

By Connie Podesta

1. Quit thinking it WON’T last. 

Going into a relationship thinking it’s doomed means only one thing — it is. Every time things aren’t perfect you’ll feel validated. “See? I knew it. We didn’t have a chance.”

If you honestly believe relationships will never stand the test of time then the reality is you will sabotage each one to ensure that you are right. You will test each partner to see how much of your bad behavior they can tolerate before finally leaving you as you yell, “I knew you’d never stay” to a slamming door.

If this is you — don’t date until you’ve figured this out.

Related: Do NOT Say 'I Love You' Until You Can Honestly Answer These 5 Q's

2. Quit playing games. 

You’re mad. Or sad. Or hurt. Your partner asks, “What’s wrong?” And you say, “nothing.” Or yell about something else entirely later that evening. Stupid, childish, relationship-killing games.

Eventually, people keep score. Get even. Withdraw affection. Stop trying to even find an answer.

Instead? Talk to each other! Explain. Listen. Find a solution. Take hurt and anger out of the equation because they are two of the most manipulative, reactive, and dangerous emotions to use while trying to communicate respectfully.

3. Quit thinking love is enough. 

In the long run, couples who make it through the good and bad still caring for each other have more going for them than just love. They truly LIKE their partner too. Liking can get you through a lot.

Love is about attraction. Commitment. Attachment. But liking is about the joy. Respect. Fun. And contentment. If you can look at your partner and say you genuinely LIKE them. Want to be with them. Can talk to them. Can be FRIENDS with them — then you’ve got something to hold on to.

4. Quit being jealous. 

If they truly can’t be trusted, then why would you date them in the first place? And if they are trustworthy but you have a problem because of past betrayals, then get your own act together before you demolish someone else’s self-esteem with your insecurities and baggage. 

The flip side? If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person is jealous and you are doing nothing to warrant it? Walk away fast. Jealousy is NOT a sign of love. It’s possessive and demeaning. Long lasting relationships are anchored in trust.

5. Quit settling for less than you want.

Relationships are based on equal balances of power. Meaning each brings some strengths to the table that the other one doesn’t have.

When you accept someone who doesn’t meet (or even come close) to what you want — you’re settling. And settling never made anyone happy long term. Successful couples last because they both respect the value and worth of the other.

Related: If He Does These 24 Things, Congrats! You Found Your Soulmate

6. Quit thinking you need someone else in order to be happy.

Go about your life. Stop waiting. Make friends. Be outstanding at work. Travel. Get in shape. Eat healthy. Be happy. The kind of person you are looking for doesn’t want an unhappy, miserable, lonely or desperate partner.

The more you take care of yourself and become self-fulfilled the more people will want to be with you. Love you. Stay with you. It’s time to QUIT some behaviors that create dysfunctional partnerships and start attracting people who love you and want to be with you for all the right reasons.

Connie Podesta is a game-changing, idea-generating ball of fire whose rare blend of humor, substance, style, and personality have made her one of the most memorable, in-demand speakers in the world today. You can reach her at her website,

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This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.