10 Hilarious Chelsea Handler Quotes About Men, Sex & Modern Love


chelsea handler funny quotes

When Chelsea Handler's manager, Irving Azoff, announced that her plans to leave the E! channel in 2014, we thought it was the end of an era.

Known for her witty tongue and outspoken behavior, it was no surprise that Chelsea Handler's talk show, Chelsea Lately was incredibly successful for eight years. It was hard to imagine her being able to top that success. But alas, she was able to bring her no-shits-given attitude to her Netflix documentary series, Chelsea Does, and her very own hilariously funny Netflix talkshow, Chelsea.


The insanely talented New Jersey native — and one of Time Magazine World's 100 Most Influential People of 2012 — has written five books, including Uganda Be Kidding Me, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, and Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me — several of which having ended up on the New York Times Best Sellers list.

So to celebrate her awesomeness (and maybe just fan-girl for a while), here are our top 10 pick for the most epically funny quotes that Handler has made on men, love and everything in between: 



"I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people." — Chelsea Handler



"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around." — Chelsea Handler


"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler



"You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself." — Chelsea Handler



"I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second ... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order." — Chelsea Handler


"Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours of the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. 'Fun for who?' I wanted to ask. I had never asked him to come to happy hour and watch me drink." — Chelsea Handler



"Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either." — Chelsea Handler



"Along with 97 percent of women who can see, I've never been a fan of redhead men." — Chelsea Handler



"I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I don’t see why I wouldn't. I'm fair game, it's not like I'm that picky, you've seen the guys I've dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, 'Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!'" — Chelsea Handler


"I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends." — Chelsea Handler


If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotesinspirational sayings, and hilarious relationship truths, we've got you covered.

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