Oral Sex Cures Morning Sickness, Says Crazy Science

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They say that when you're hungover, the best thing for you is to drink another beer. 

According to Gordon Gallup, a SUNY-Albany psychologist, the best way to cure morning sickness when you're pregnant is by ingesting what made you sick in the first place: semen.

That's right.

If you want to quit throwing up all the time during your pregnancy, you should have sperm on tap.

But it can't be just anyone's semen; apparently, it's only the juice of the impregnator that will get the job done.

So you better tell Jason to put down the remote and meet you in the bedroom ASAP. 

It's a win-win situation. Your man gets some of your ungodly oral sex and you get to wake up in the mornings and not have to puke when you even think of foods that you used to love, like a Big Mac or the wings from your favorite bar.

He's the one who got you into this mess; the least he could do is help relieve some of the pain, right? *wink*

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Contrary to earlier beliefs that food is what makes pregnant women sick, Gallup theorizes that the body's not doing so hot because the baby — being made up partially of foreign material—is causing the sickness.

The best way to ease that nausea is to have a little oral sex first thing in the morning and your day is set.

However, if you've received in vitro fertilization by someone who isn't your husband, then you're going to be kinda screwed. Why?

Well, Gallup also theorizes that a major component of morning sickness is exposure to foreign sperm (as in sperm that was not part of the conception process).

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So if you're carrying a baby that is not the genetic result of your husband or partner, you're more likely to suffer from morning sickness because A) it's part of being preggers, and B) you have foreign semen entering your body — should you continue to engage in sex while pregnant.

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Basically what it comes down to is if you're pregnant and your husband is the father of your child, you should be giving lots of head and swallowing as much as possible to nip that nausea in the bud.

If your husband is not the blood father of your kid, then you should steer clear of him and any bodily secretions he may be trying to throw your way.

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This idea, also proposed that if you have a second child with the same semen as the first one, that your morning sickness will actually lessen. All the more reason to turn into that mom with a Subaru and five kids. 

Isn't evolution funny?

Amanda Chatel is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Her focus is on sex, relationships, sexual health, women's reproductive rights, feminism, and mental health.