Oral Sex Road Test: Can Pineapple Juice Make You Taste Better?

By

Pineapple juice? Celery? One couple takes the ultimate taste test in the bedroom.
 

 

I love my boyfriend. And I love giving him blow jobs. What I do not love is the taste of spunk. No matter whose splooge it is, it tastes like a cross between sour juice, bitters, mold, and a dirty sock. Even Bobby Flay couldn't make this milky concoction taste good. I've hypothesized women who say it taste good are either a) lying or b) have taste buds damaged by years of smoking. But I don't smoke and like Abe Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie. I love a nice pearl necklace, but the taste of semen makes me gag.

 

Maybe it's nature's way of saying put that sperm in your vagina, but I couldn't care less. I am dedicated to being a good girlfriend. I wanted to enjoy his man chowder. I wanted to relish it with the same fervor I do a bowl of Ben and Jerry's Heath Bar Crunch. Intrepid scientist that I am, I wanted to know how to make it taste better.

I had often heard that different food and drink could improve or worsen the taste of semen but the scientific research on it is almost nonexistent. Shrouded in mystery and hearsay many of the methods have few tales of firsthand accounts. So with my boyfriend's very enthusiastic approval we decided to give it a whirl in a four-part experiment that included  pineapple juice, celery, meat (to see if it makes it taste worse and therefore should be avoided) and Masque Flavor Strips, which claim to mask the taste of semen.

To be fair (and in the interest of improving people's lives everywhere) we decided I should partake in the experiment as well. Although my boyfriend, (we'll call him M), thinks I taste and smell like daisies and peaches, he's experienced many a lady who was a little funky below the belt (he chalked it up to bad hygiene). He was skeptical that changing my diet would make any difference given that vaginal lubrication isn't exactly liquid. But in altering my diet we were hoping to at least find out.

Men and women of the world, you're welcome.

1. Pineapple Juice
Since what seems like the invention of the juicer, the wonders of pineapple juice have been lauded for their semen-sweetening abilities. And after my first sip I can see why; it's like drinking a glass of sugar water. So sweet is the bright yellow-orange juice I feel like I might instantly go into diabetic shock. And I'm not even diabetic. M, for his part isn't as grossed out at first, but after three days emphatically tells me he can't possibly drink another glass of pineapple juice without hurling.