Understanding Your Break Up Personality

Understanding Your Break Up Personality

Every break up is unique, yet most women tend to handle all of their difficult breakups in nearly the same manner. This is not to say that there won't be an occasional breakup that doesn't quite fit the mold, but usually a woman's past behavior in coping with a break up gives a strong indication of how she will handle future splits.  Since how a woman handles a break up has to do with her personality traits as well as the nature of the relationship that has ended, at LuvemOrLeavem.com we refer to these patterns of behavior as "break up personalities." 

Based on break up stories that we've received from women all over the world, we have identified 4 main break up personalities.  Some may seem like simpler and healthier approaches than others, but all of these categories have implications for just how quickly a woman will recover from the heart ache of a break up.  If you find that your behaviors fall into one of these categories, you may want to consider whether this is positive or negative for embarking on the healing process.

Zen Approach- This approach goes hand in hand with women who strongly believe that everything in the universe has its place for all aspects of their lives.  Women in this category often handle break ups in a fairly calm manner because their general approach is that the failed relationship “just wasn’t meant to be.”  This Karma approach can be healthy in the sense that it does not seek to place needless blame.  Of course this approach should not be so complacent and accepting that a woman doesn't examine what went wrong in this relationship so that these mistakes are not repeated in the future.

The Mourner- Some women just need to go through a proper mourning period before they can get over a breakup.  Women tend to feel better after shedding tears, and many women can’t get all that sadness out of their system until they’ve had a really good cry.  This coping technique seems to be almost exclusive to women.  Most men find it hard to understand that a woman who is puffy eyed and red nosed from crying it out, is usually much closer to healing than a woman who is keeping all her pain bottled up inside.

The length of time for this mourning period will vary from woman to woman.  Usually the progression is from non stop crying to sporadic crying and then on to healing.  If you reach a point in mourning where your friends tell you that you need to wash your hair and get out of your bathrobe, then the mourning period has continued for too long.

The Competitor- Some people call this woman obsessed or stalker, because she sees a breakup as one giant challenge to get “him” back. Although the woman on a quest to get an ex back is usually an intense person, this desire to get back what she can't have often goes beyond the particular guy in question. She tends to be on the same quest to get the guy back after all of her breakups. When it comes to “winning back the guy” it’s the “winning” part that’s her true focus more than the guy.  This type of woman will often find that healing from a break up will be a smoother process if she focuses her competitive nature into finding a new love rather than chasing after the old one.

The Woman Scorned- This is the women who is filled with anger and thoughts of revenge.  She is often easy to spot because she can be found bad mouthing her ex to anyone who will listen.  The real test of how she will heal depends on how she deals with her anger.  If she needs to throw darts at his picture, then her anger is likely to start subsiding after a few bulls eyes.  Of course if she starts asking if his car is ever parked anywhere that is unattended, then darts and sharp objects should be kept out of her reach.

So there you have some of the most common breakup personalities. You’ve probably seen some of these behaviors after your own breakups and those of your friends. Everyone deals with a breakup in a different way although some of the types seem to go through a longer healing process than others. Of course no matter which recovery method you’re prone to after a breakup, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s can always help to make a breakup more bearable.  If you want to know which category you best fit into, take the break up personality quiz and find out.