Women Really Do Like Nice Guys

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man with eyes closed holding his heart

We're going to meet halfway and applaud them for trying to help men understand women. But we're going to dock them all the points they earned for advising men to treat women like garbage. 

We'll explain.

It all begins with an e-mail from an earnest recently divorced guy who says he's having a hard time dating because he's "too nice." 

Women really do like nice guys

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"I have always been the nice guy," he says. "Ready with an honest compliment and holding the door, etc. It’s not an act — it's just how I am."

Wow. What a freak. He gives compliments and opens the door. Congratulations Nice Guy. You sound like a normal person. 

Anyway, NG laments how hard it is to meet women and suspects his good nature is the culprit. Enter David DeAngelo, the guest columnist who has a series of tutorials aimed at teaching men how to score chicks. Basically, DeAngelo is a less is more kind of a guy. Less compliments, less old-school chivalry, less consideration, less of anything nice basically. Numb down your "Inner Wuss" he says, because this repulses women.

DeAngelo responds with:

Trust me on this one. Women don't feel those powerful, magical, gut-level emotions for "nice" guys. It may suck, it may not be "fair" and it may not be "right" or whatever. Get used to it — it's reality."

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You can feel him beaming through the keyboard; catching his reflection on the computer screen.

The plot thickens when he gets another response from a guy who's read his tutorials, and incorporated his tactics, but now, uh-oh, she calls him "mean."

"You have brought up a really important (and subtle) point about how women behave around men. When you stop chasing after and kissing up to women, you will often hear things like "You're being mean" "I'm upset, and I don't know why" etc. When you challenge women on this point, you'll find the real reason: Women get upset when they don't have control of a situation...Women aren't trying to turn us into Wusses; on the contrary, they're trying to see if we actually are wusses, and just pretending not to be. Get it? When you realize this subtle distinction, you are well on your way to learning to use The Force."

The Force? What is this Star Wars?

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Listen, guys, we've poked fun at our own gender for inhaling tomes like "He's just not that into you" but this garbage is just insane. Sure we've heard that nice guys finish last and we've all fallen victim to a jerk or three, but women (healthy women) love nice guys. A guy who pulls out the chair, tells us we're beautiful, and calls when he says he will is really all we want. Spoiler!

And as far as erasing this "Inner Wuss," while a man's brain may operate like an interactive card game or fantasy football match-up, ladies don't like being treated like strategic war moves. "Wow she looks nice" shouldn't morph into physical aloofness and an air of indifference because you think (in your misguided mind) that the ends will justify the cruel means.

Oh, and if we call you "mean" that normally means you've hurt our feelings. And do you really want to be the one to resuscitate your girlfriend's sagging self-esteem because you thought a courtship of no compliments was the way to go?

We'd take a guess that all of you self-proclaimed "Nice Guys" are having a tough time in the female department for other reasons. Perhaps you lack pizzazz, charisma, sexiness, humor, your own style, premature ejaculation, etc. Or perhaps (you should probably sit down for this one) you haven't met the right girl yet.

Sometimes it really is that simple.

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Melissa Noble is a freelance writer and blogger who writes about love, relationships, and trending news stories.