I'm A 50-Something Widow. Can I Find Love?

single widow dating

Another singles event.

Well, today will be a strange day. I am going to a singles event. I had stopped doing these things, after just not having any luck with them, but this one is a bit different. It's an hour away, which is great (anonymity) and it will have singles from both my town and a town an hour or so east of here. And, they 'say' that they seem a lot of men over 50.

It's a wine thing - I am not a wine tour person so I am at a bit of a disadvantage, but I went to the website and everything is at one winery. At first, I could 'imagine' myself actually being spoken to by a man, which is the normal state of events, but then, as I thought about it last night, and now this morning, I realize that, for some reason, I do not attract men in that usual way. Not that I am ugly. I am quite attractive, actually, and am not in terrible shape. I can dance, I love to have fun, and I can talk to a tree. I'm even losing weight, to my delight, so I should feel very good when I start my "trek" alone. What You Must Know About Flirting and Seduction

But, the reality of it this morning, is - me arriving, checking in, and then wandering around, pretending to be interested in whatever there is to look at, wandering around some more, eyes darting around me, looking for someone cute (and my age.) Then, maybe taking a seat (it is supposed to have "conversation areas") and alternately staring at the fireplace or whatever, and chatting with the many women who no doubt will also be by themselves, eyes still darting, around, hoping to be "plucked out of oblivion." What won't happen is this -

A man will approach me, will have all his teeth, will be dressed nicely, will speak to me, and will be intelligent.

Why do I keep doing this? I know that most people you meet are through your work or extracurricular activities. How I am supposed to meet men when I am in a corner of the room where I work, and where not many people come through who don't work there, is beyond me.

Oh, and I wear my glasses to work, which, according to my late mother, was about the worst thing a girl (or woman) could do. Even the expensive frames don't seem to be enough - can you believe I have carried that around for 40-some years? My mother telling me at age 8 to take off my glasses when we were shopping, because someone she knew was approaching, so I would look acceptable?

Jesus. I know that is absurd.

It's been 11 years. Since my husband died, I have had a very good relationship that lasted a few years, and I have made one really good male friend - who remains just a friend. I am ready for something to happen - for the fates to step in - in a good way! A Young Widow On Loss And New Love

I want to be the woman who has a cute man move in next door, like in that one commercial where they are running between their yards in their bridal wear. I want to literally be tripped up by 'that' man. Or go around a corner and come face to face with him. Or be in Barnes and Noble and have some totally nice-looking older man say something to me - anything - just a pickup line, please! It has been SO long.

I guess I was charmed when I met my husband. We were cast together in a show. I took one look at him and that was it. In retrospect, he was probably the only straight man I have been cast with since, in 30 years. But, at 24, I didn't think about that! I just knew I was in love, and I was right. And that love lasted 22 years.

But back to right now. I am fretting about what to wear - have NO idea. The weather isn't summery and it isn't wintery. It's just in between; I don't think a sweater alone will do, and I don't have the right blazer to pull anything together. I am a dress person and I guess I better go start going through my closet for something (outdated, no doubt) that will do.

I am sure there are men out there right now who are just as nervous and unclear as I am. Should we wear signs? "nervous, but try me." "just looking for sex." "I'll do anything."

Why does this have to be so hard? I see myself leaving the event early - very early - shortly after I have seen that there isn't a single man there interested in me. It's not that I am shy - that has never been a problem for me. In fact, my personality seems to be one of my stronger assets. I am told I am funny, etc - the usual platitudes your friends (all couples) soothe you with.

The "cheaper" women (sorry, ladies, but it's true) are the ones you see surrounded by men. I can't be what I am not, and I won't change myself to attract someone's attention, for that person will not be what I am seeking in a man, anyway. So no too much makeup, spiked hair, long red or french nails, tons of jewelry and no gaudy cheap handbag for me. Oh, and no tattoos or ankle bracelets. I have class, if nothing else. 5 Fashion Choices That Turn Him Off

Do all men just want to get laid? The few unattached males I know (either unattached but very good friends, or in love with someone else) say that yes, all men want to get laid. But they also seek relationships. I loved being a wife. Is my destiny to be living in a condo with other older single women, getting a pot belly and joining the Sweet Adelines? Will I be buying "seasonal" sweatshirts and shopping for knick-knacks till I just die? Eating out with (lady) friends once a month, going to art movies, and drinking wine which I don't even like?

Where does a decent, fun, and quite out of the ordinary woman find love again? Is every man out there so damaged that it isn't even worth pursuing?

Does joy die after you lose your mate too young? Why can't I get a second chance? It seems like a cruel game God is playing with me. Yet I have been so lucky in other things.....I don't want to become bitter, but I am not ready to "SODUKU" my evenings away for the next 20 years (about the time frame I see for me still wanting to be social) and just wait to die?

I refuse to believe what someone told me when I was 21 - "life sucks, and then you die." Please, fate - shine on me today, it's my turn after 11 years!

If anyone wants to know, I'll be at my favorite grocery store at some point this afternoon - buying cat litter and feeling real sorry for myself. Still.......there is always hope -isn't there?