Dealing with widowed life w/ humor


Humor in everyday life - as lived by Mistyno

Hi, there. I am a normal (sort of) woman, age 58, who has been working full-time for almost 1 1/2 years now, after 3 years of working 3 days a week. I am also, unfortunately, a young widow, having lost my husband at age 50 to lung cancer. I finished raising our two teens as best I could, and both hold down jobs and have apartments in town. My daughter even graduated from a good college, in only four years! My older one - well, let's just say he has the equivalent of a bachelor's degree, from three different schools. Hmmm. But, he has a good job that he loves and is starting to grow up, I think. (He's 28.)

As tired as I am at 4 pm. I could not resist walking the dog after work today, because it was so lovely out, and because that is what you do for your doggie who waits at home for you all day.

I recently bought my first MP3 player, and have 3 sets of - I think they are called earbuds. What am I doing wrong? I try to wear them while I am walking (or being walked by) the dog, and it always ends in a disaster, with me caught up in the leash, the bags of poop, and my earbuds dragging on the ground.

So I think I will have to get to Best Buy and buy the kind that go behind your head. What can go wrong with them, right? The only thing I can imagine is it being swept off my head and flying away behind me, but at least it shouldn't get caught in that darn retractable leash....right?

My escape after work is 'Stargate.' I've never been one for weekly shows, but when I discovered what I'd missed with "The X-Files" I watched every single episode on Sci-Fi or CW or wherever I could find it. Then came Stargate. We had seen the movie when it came out and really hated it. But I love Sci-Fi and quickly found the characters in the TV show to be much more attractive and likeable than the movie. So now it's Stargate, or Stargate Atlantis for me. Total escaptism.

So I have become a couch potato. I watch these mindless shows instead of doing the things I should be doing, such as picking up my house, starting to purge and make ready for the downsizing that I want to do, and other productive chores around the house. It's really hard when you live alone, to motivate yourself. It's so much easier to catch another episode. Oh, now that I've seen most of the Stargate's, I am now interested in the various Star Trek serials!

I better explain. I don't just do this vegging every single day after work. I have an avocatioin, one that I wish I could do for a living, but it doesn't work that way. I do local theatre. A lot of it. It has saved me, gotten me through many sad moments since my husband died (he was an actor, too) and helped me make many wonderful friends.

Lately I've been getting commerical and industrial work, too, which is really nice and actually pays well. It's funny, because to most men I think I am repulsive or something, yet people hire me to appear on TV or in a video presentation.

But what do I want? I want to be with somebody, just like every other single over 55 woman in America. The one bad thing about theatre is you meet an awful lot of great guys - great gay guys. Not many straight and single actors out there!

I want to be boring, but boring as a couple. I want someone to cook for again, to sit and have coffee with after supper; to have someone to motivate me and help me with things that I can't tackle alone - like fixing my door lock or getting estimates on a new roof. Or managing my fast-dwindling money. And all the things I would not post here, but you get the idea.

I think being alone, especially after having been in a good, loving and solid marriage, is about the hardest thing that can happen, save for cancer. It's hard to plan for the future - no retirement dreams for me, no plans to build or downsize, or travel. It's tough. I am very lucky in all that I have been given, and for what I've accomplished on my own. But is it wrong to say I miss being a wife? I also don't want to be a burden to my daughter, and our family seems so small - just the three of us, plus some extended family, but everyone's busy and we don't get together that much, anymore.

Enough blogging for now. I just saw my back end in a commerical (somebody has to be that person, and it paid well!) and I'm watching this season's "Lost" finale on the DVR, trying unsuccessfully to understand it. No new episodes till 2010? I said I don't watch many regular shows but I am a "Lost" fanatic, I'll admit. Just as my husband and I used to love "Hill Street Blues." Well, new memories await.