The cat is out of the bag


Yesterday at lunch Leslie sounded a little distant. I asked why and she said that I knew I was going to Houston a week before I told her. Dammit !! She figured it out. I shouldn't be surprised, she is a very smart woman. Much smarter than I in some regards. She hung up on me (again) and I waited to hear from her later. She called while I was at the library after work checking my email. She called three times. I finally told her that I would wrap up and call her in a minute. All through the next 80 or 90 minutes of talking she just kept hammering at me for lying to her. Not listening or caring why I thought it was necessary. It's all so simple for her to rationalize. I lied, I'm wrong. Nevermind that I didn't want to fight with her about having to leave town to find a job (which she has said I/we would not do) nor have to go against what she wants by staying in one place (Atlanta, which I don't like anymore) and looking for a non-existant job like last winter at this time. I don't have to be unemployed, we don't have to be broke, she doesn't get enough social security to even squeek by on her own let alone with a teenager living with her. She loans money to her ex-husband (which Leslie knows she shouldn't do) and must figure that since I have a good paying job it will be ok. None of that matters, only that I lied and now everything I've ever said to her is once again in question. And she can't live like this. She loves me and wants to be with me but we are too far apart so far as what we believe'. I don't have this problem with ANYONE else in the world !!

Maybe so . . . I should just make it easy for her and cut her loose. I hate it that she is so strongly negative and now thinks that because I am working that I owe her some kind of alimony when she didn't get any from her ex-husband (he is now a 'she' but that's another story entirely). She doesn't even make him/her pay the premium for the state health insurance he/she is supposed to be to be providing. Leslie just pays it. How much of this financial mismanagment am I supposed to support?? None !! The daughter is NOT mine but I have been doing the job of being the father. What I have gotten is her screaming at me that I am NOT her father and she doesnt have to listen to me. Her mother can't even get the girl to help with chores without a lot of bad attitude. I would just as soon do it myself and not listen to the heavy sighs and the stomping around. So I am left with all the cooking except on very rare occassions where Leslie helps or the daughter 'cooks' for herself. All the shopping for food, all the cleaning when the cleaning service is not in use, all the cat box cleaning (I hate the cat, it's a waste of fur), all the outside chores. And I'm supposed to be ready to be romantic and sexually interested Leslie when I am exhausted nearly all the time. I don't have any play money for myself or my children (birthdays etc) but her daughter gets virtually everything she wants without lifting a finger. The girl has been struggling at school (failing eigth grade and now 50% of her 10th grade classes) and not turning in completed homework thus causing the adults to wonder WTF. And the cherry on the sundae is the daughters room has ALWAYS looked like it was struck by a hurricane last night despite Leslie's efforts to get her to keep it more or less clean. Oh . . . and when Leslie is upset she SHOPS on eBay leaving herself short on money for the meds (some of which are expensive when her Medicare donut hole is) or cigarettes. I know she is addicted to smoking but other people quit after being in her same shoes. She says the nicotine helps relieve some of her M.S. pain. And now I find out that I stress out and appear to be causing her to be in pain most of the time. Great. Just great.