You Should Be Having Tantric Sex — Here's EXACTLY How To Do It

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If you're like most Americans, chances are good that you have preconceived notions about tantric sex. Many dismiss it as the domain of hippies who wax poetic about chakras and life force, and for many others, kama sutra tantra is just some mystical new-agey nonsense Sting wouldn’t shut up about back in the day.  

Seven hours of sex, Sting? Really? For most people, this much sex sounds unappealing. Who has that kind of time for making love — even if it’s great?


While Sting came back later and tried to rephrase his earlier statements, the damage had largely been done, and many people believed that tantric sex was just a bunch of staring and boring rhythmic breathing.

(Spoiler: It’s totally not.)

But these days, the practice is finding a host of excited new people interested in enhancing their sex lives with this ancient practice.

And trust me, this mystical art wouldn't have survived for thousands of years if people didn't like it.


What is tantric sex and where did it come from?



Tantra, from the Sanskrit word for "to manifest, to expand, to show, and to weave,” is an ancient philosophy threaded through Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism.

While westerners tend to associate it with the acrobatic positions illustrated in The Kamasutra, it originally had little to do with sex since it was based on mysticism and spirituality.

But in today's practice, tantra and kama sutra are inevitably interwoven, and one is pretty much a solid companion of the other. You don't have to be a practicing Buddhist or spiritualist to engage in and benefit from the acts of tantra during sex.

Tantra has its roots in many Eastern cultures, but it originated in India more than 6,000 years ago as a “rebellion against organized religion,” which largely taught that in order to be made “pure” and reach enlightenment, you needed to cleanse yourself of carnal urges and reject anything to do with sex, passion, or any bodily drives from your physical flesh.



Related: 3 Tantric Sex Tips That'll Make Your Partner Orgasm In SECONDS

Not content with this edict, tantric practitioners actually encouraged earthly pleasures as expressions of sacred acts. They believed that sex — among other physical performances, like eating and dancing — could expand your consciousness and “weave” together the male and female divines (Shiva and Shakti in Indian culture) into a single harmonious “whole.” Hence where the meaning of tantra’s name, “to weave” came from.

It was the belief that pleasure could make your mind more open and allow you to become more in tune with your own flesh by actually knowing and experiencing it.


Tantra originally began as a path to enlightenment that encouraged physical attunement along with the metaphysical and developed to include the carnal and erotic pleasures of The Kamasutra in order to expand sensation, pleasure, and conscious awareness in its practitioners.

In other words: opening your mind by freeing your body, which sounds pretty hot if you ask me!

How do you have tantric sex?

When many people think of tantric sex, they think largely of a couple entangled together, staring into each other’s eyes, breathing slowly. It’s an image that is supposed to seem hot and passionate, but ultimately doesn’t really seem that great. Why, though?


Well, if you only look at it from that perspective, it seems utterly boring.  And if you thought that’s all there was to tantric sex, then you’re majorly missing out.

While looking into the eyes of your partner absolutely has its place in tantra as a means of connection, it’s not the whole point behind it. There is an entire world of incredible sex that you and your partner aren’t currently achieving that you could be having by using the mind-opening techniques of tantric sex.



Related: 9 Key Principles Of Tantric Sex That Will Re-Energize Your Sex Life NOW 

Regular, old-fashioned sex has a definitive beginning and end. Kissing, touching, coupling, and then orgasm (hopefully!). But this can lead to some woeful discrepancies in satisfaction for both parties, and it often does, unfortunately.

In fact, in a shocking study, researchers discovered that the average amount of time couples spend engaged in sex was a paltry 5 to 7 minutes. But given that it usually takes somewhere around 20 minutes for a woman to reach climax, this shows that there is a definite problem in the way we’re going about reaching satisfaction.


This is where tantric sex can come in and make things way hotter between you. There is less of a focus on a beginning, middle, or end, and kama sutra tantra focuses mainly on finding a meditative state during sex to increase your sexual ecstasy so that women (and men!) can actually achieve several orgasms in a single session together.

Tantric sex makes you work together and build up to orgasm in a slow, intense way that heightens your senses and arousal.

Prolonged lovemaking is absolutely a part of the tradition of tantric sex, but there are ways to build your passion together that make the entire experience feel like one long, sensual encounter that climbs inevitably toward climax — and neither of you will be eager to reach it and end your time together anytime soon!

Are there some tantra tips for beginners?


Absolutely! Tantric sex doesn’t have to be difficult and it doesn’t have to be boring. It’s about connecting with your partner and focusing on the erotic pleasure that you can both bring each other.

Here are some ways you can begin practicing tantra with your partner:

1. Put some time aside.



Pick a day in the week that you and your lover can really focus on each other. Shut out all other disruptions like cell phones, TVs, and computers. It doesn’t have to take seven hours (yikes!) but it should be a good chunk of time that both of you feel like your needs are getting fulfilled and you’ll be able to achieve satisfaction from your experience. Tantra is all about pleasure — so make sure you're not trying to rush it before a night out with your friends!

2. Set the mood.



Tantra is, at its heart, a spiritual movement. And kama sutra is all about a physical connection with your lover. This means that you will want to make your environment one where you and your partner and open to experiencing it. Make it as sensual as you want! Candlelight? Sure! Flowers? Perfume? Have scented oils, some beverages too, if you so choose. This is a time for you to enjoy your time together — make yourself comfortable, and indulge.

Related: 6 Ways To Have INSANE, Orgasm-Inducing Tantric Sex

3. Yes, eye contact is important.

Sex is an intimate act, but sometimes we forget the actual intimacy that it can bring with it. One way to reconnect with your love before you begin is to sit cross-legged from each other and stare into each other’s eyes. Relax. Focus on keeping your breathing even, and just enjoy your partner’s company.

This may seem like a silly step, but it’s very important in setting the mood internally and getting your brain and body relaxed and in sync with your partner’s so that you are both ready to begin this process. Plus, eye contact can be sexy as hell and actually help turn you on. Feel free to begin touching each other gently here, exploring non-sexual parts of your body and building arousal through gentle touch.

4. Be prepared to give and receive a massage.


Once you’re both relaxed and open to beginning, take things slow. This is about building desire and prolonging release. Use oil and take turns giving each other a nice sensual massage. Start with non-erogenous zones, but absolutely move to areas that will arouse your partner.

Use this to slowly excite them, but do not tease them. This is about trust and honesty, and worshipping your lover’s body as you would a deity. Pleasure them and stay fully present.


If your mind starts to wander, do your best to stay focused on the moment. This massage is not about orgasming. It’s only about building their excitement and arousing them so that when climax does come, you are both incredibly ready for it.

RELATED: 5 Tantric Handjob Techniques His Penis Will NEVER Forget!

5. How to end your evening.



Tantric sex is about taking things slow, but it’s also about pleasure. The traditional tantric pose is called yab yum (literally "mother-father"), which is where the woman and man face each other, and she straddles his legs while he is sitting upright, wrapping her own legs around his hips.

You can sit in this position without beginning intercourse and simply use it as a moment to reconnect and lead to a sensual tantric kiss where you savor every part of your lover’s embrace and touch, or you can use yab yum to lead to sex, either in the traditional pose or whichever position you feel is the most enjoyable for you both.

Once you both feel you’re ready, allow penetration to happen naturally. Do not rush your lovemaking. I cannot stress this enough. Go at a pace that feels good for both of you, and make sure not to ignore touching, kissing, and the sensations that you’re both working toward.

Be present in your body, and focus solely on the experience you’re creating. Orgasm should come only once you have both gotten your fill of one another and you’re ready to let it reach its amazing crescendo.


Tantric sex is about a slow, sensual lovemaking experience, and it is meant to create as much pleasure for you as possible, so as long as you and your partner are open to a new experience and want to give each other a sexy evening that you’ll never forget, you should definitely give this ancient tradition a try.

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