5 Brutal Ways To Know If A Man Is Just Using You For Sex

He's just using you until the next best thing comes along.

Last updated on Jun 01, 2024

Is he just using you? Getty images | Unsplash

Men tend to know exactly what they want when they get involved with you. They also know what they can get away with and how much of their crap you're willing to tolerate. It may take longer for him to fall in love and find the one he wants to marry, but a man knows who he can sleep with and who he is going to make the extra effort for. If the degree to which you feel "in love" with him is greater than his interest in making the effort, he will take advantage of that (and you).


Here are 5 brutal ways to know if a man is just using you for sex:

1. His conversations are all about what he wants to do with you intimately.

He shows no interest in getting to know you or your interest. All conversations quickly veer towards what he wants to do with you (or to you) when he gets you in bed. He always talks in an intimate manner, saying, "I love your chest," asking questions about what pleases you in bed, or telling you what he likes. When you start to discuss real things about you or your life, he acts too busy or tells you, "Let's chat about this another time." You keep asking yourself where the relationship is going. Let me tell you: nowhere!

@wemetatacme Been there! Get out while you can (if a relationship is what you want!) #wemetatacme #datingadvice #datingpodcast ♬ original sound - wemetatacme

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2. He dodges the "Where is this relationship going?" conversation.

Frustrated with his behavior, you'll start asking him questions like, "What is happening here?" In my experience, a guy who's truly into you is very approachable when it comes to asking a difficult question. The uncomfortable man who is not ready for a relationship avoids the subject at all costs, fails to communicate his feelings, and gives his sob story of why "he's not ready" and how he'd prefer to just take it one day at a time. Usually, you have already fallen head over heels at this point and have spent most of your time hoping and wishing he'll change his mind. Having the conversation is never complicated with the right guy, so speak up and let this guy go if it's clear he doesn't want to stick around.

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3. His follow-up is inconsistent.

When you first meet your new man, you find him interesting, exciting, and easy to talk to. You always have a lot of fun in his company, but you're not fully sure where you stand with him. His follow-up between dates is inconsistent, yet he constantly implies he'd really like to see you again. He won't give you an exact time or date, but as soon as he knows he'll get back to you. He plans dates at the last minute, closer to bedtime, typically on a weekday, but you've never considered his Saturday night girl. He doesn't always know when he is free because, you know, he's just "so busy at work."

Look, the man who is into always prioritizes seeing you, even if your schedule is not fantastic, he happily makes the effort to find a solution. The man who just wants to be intimate makes his plans at the last minute and never follows up consistently. He also knows that you're very into him and therefore accepting of his behavior, so he works that to his advantage and stays with what's comfortable for him.

4. He never refers to you as his girlfriend.

Another way you can learn how to tell if he's using you for intimacy is if he's never once called you his girlfriend, even though it's been months since you met and you've seen each other on and off. You ask him why and he avoids the question. He's so good at avoiding the question that you've given up asking. He keeps you on the side until something more exciting comes along or he feels bored. An actual boyfriend never puts you in this precarious situation in the first place. Having you as his girlfriend makes him feel good. He feels like the lucky one.


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5. He hates hanging out with your friends.

After a period of three to six months, your girlfriends start asking when they can meet your new man since they've heard so much about him. They're excited for you. But your guy is never free on those big nights out when your girlfriends beg you to drag him along. Now you find yourself making excuses for his behavior and feel embarrassed. Your girlfriends start probing you about his lack of effort and you start questioning his motivation. The guy genuinely interested in you doesn't leave you in this position; he can't wait to meet your girlfriends and win their approval. Merging into your life is a priority for him. Knowing when your man wants you for intimacy or because he's actually sincerely interested in you is not tricky to figure out. Trust your gut and love yourself enough to accept the truth when you see it.

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Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.