Sex

Drinking Lots Of Coffee Makes Your Penis Strong, Says Science

Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
man drinking coffee

I believe it’s pretty safe to say that nothing spells “pick me up!” like a strong cup of Joe (aka coffee for those of you not quite as trendy as moi). Well, it turns out that that strong cup of Joe can pick something else up, too.

So it seems like common sense to me that your daily Joe would be the go-to source for getting a man’s Johnson (aka Willy, aka penis) springing upright, ready to head out and see where he can slide his way in to pick up some chicks, right? I know that when I drink coffee it gets me hyped up. Makes you wonder what it can do to a man.

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Turns out, it isn’t just me and my wicked imagination leaping to such rigid thoughts. Coffee is an aphrodisiac after all. Let's finally use it for its actual purpose.

Science knows what’s up! And knows how to get you up.

In 2015, researchers at the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston discovered that men who drink 2-3 cups of caffeinated coffee per day are nearly HALF as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED) as men who drink zero to 1 cup of coffee per day! We've found the cheapest cure for erectile dysfunction!

And coffee gives you energy, so you can get it up and keep going for hours. Better tell your sweetheart to call off work the next day.

This holds true regardless of weight and high blood pressure, which are both factors commonly thought to be causes of ED. Unfortunately, men with diabetes are the only population that doesn't seem to reap the same benefit (but we're keeping our heads up for those of you with that dilemma). And hoping that you get to keep your other heads up as well.

According to the study, researchers believe “caffeine triggers a series of pharmacological effects that lead to the relaxation of the penile helicine arteries and the cavernous smooth muscle that lines cavernosal spaces, thus increasing penile blood flow.”

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In the most laid-back of laymen’s terms, this means caffeine acts like a med that chills out your man’s package so it can stretch at its glorious seams and let the blood flow come rushing on in, rocketing it once again to its most full manly stature.

Gentlemen, I suggest you raise your coffee mugs and allow your best buddy to rise to this momentous occasion. He's gonna need all the help he can get.

Ladies, start your coffee makers. Your time shall be coming soon...

After all, it's always best to fill her to the rim — and make it strong!

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Deputy Editor Arianna Jeret, MA/MSW, has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Yahoo Style, MSN, Fox News, Bustle, Parents, and more. Find her on Twitter for more.

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