You Have Actual Self-Respect If These 11 Things Don't Bother You At All
It takes true self-respect to remain unbothered even when dealing with these things.
JulioRV / Shutterstock Most people think they have a good amount of self-respect. They picture themselves in certain situations and feel like they can confidently say they'd stand up for themselves or that the situation wouldn't stick with them for hours after it has passed. The truth is, most of those same people would actually care and be bothered by things that may cause them to question their self-worth or bruise their ego.
There are some things that only people with actual self-respect aren't bothered by at all. While it can be hard to remain true to yourself and maintain confidence in times when it feels like everyone is against you, if you can, you can confidently say you respect yourself.
You have actual self-respect if these 11 things don't bother you at all
1. Other people's opinions of you
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It takes knowing your self-worth, confidence in your beliefs, and the lack of a need for validation from others in order to truly be unbothered by other people’s opinions of you. Possessing these qualities helps you remain respectful of yourself when people determine their own opinions of you because you are able to continue knowing who you are, rather than letting those opinions define you.
“Individuals with low self-respect allow others to define them, rather than defining themselves,” according to Sanjana Gupta, an expert in mental health, fitness, nutrition, health conditions, and wellness. By holding on to your character, you exude actual self-respect.
2. Being left out sometimes
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When you are not dependent on others for making you feel validated or happy, you are no longer as bothered by occasionally being left out. You find peace in your alone time, and you understand that incidents where you are not invited to something, or your friend decides to tell someone else their latest gossip instead of you, do not define your social worth.
Instead of feeling a sense of belonging and happiness only when other people want you around, it shows true self-respect to feel those senses even when you are experiencing things alone. By not allowing your emotions to waver all due to being included in other people’s plans, you show that others can’t dictate whether or not you view yourself as worthy.
3. Not being liked by everyone
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If you define your self-worth and validate your feelings and identity without seeking external validation, you show signs of actual self-respect and are likely unbothered by people not liking you. Remaining your true, authentic self even when you know it will turn some people against you means you are committed to who you are and are not willing to go against your values and boundaries just to please others.
“The truth is, when we give ourselves the validation we seek from others, we experience true confidence. We no longer feel the need to chase approval because we already know our worth,” according to life coach Jo Renshaw.
4. Losing something temporary
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If something temporary, like a job, is taken from you and you are unbothered by it, it shows that you have enough self-respect to walk away from things that are no longer serving you. Once this temporary thing no longer helps you grow and build the life you want for yourself, instead of losing all self-worth or defining it based on external factors, you prioritize your well-being and freedom.
Actual self-respect is shown when you are also willing to give up temporary things that may have become toxic to your overall mental health. Instead, it is an unhealthy environment or habit. Being able to let go and no longer allow something to control your life and negatively impact it is a sign of you standing up for who you are.
5. Being misunderstood
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It is normal for people to occasionally misunderstand you and form their own idea of you, which may not always align with who you actually are. When you are unbothered by the misconceptions and stand firm in who you know yourself to be, you exude self-respect.
Not only do you not waiver in your sense of self, but you also remain confident in the judgment and decisions you make. It’s not just about feeling unbothered by being misunderstood, but when you truly have self-respect, you’re okay with being misunderstood, which leads you to living a more peaceful and serene life.
6. Not always being in control
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When someone clings to having control over every situation so that they can feel safe, they are not showing signs of having actual self-respect. Being able to purely focus on what you can control and not allow the outcome of situations to deteriorate your self-worth allows you to truly trust and respect yourself.
“It’s not about blind faith that ‘everything will magically be fine’ – it’s about confidence in your own resilience and adaptability,” according to Saul McLeod, Ph.D. When you let go and trust in yourself to remain strong despite certain outcomes, you’re showing the respect and confidence that you have in yourself.
7. Saying no, even when people don't like it
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If you respect your boundaries, you respect yourself. Knowing what you need and prioritizing that, even when others may disapprove or be disappointed, shows that you are not a people-pleaser. Instead, you know that you deserve to be treated with respect and value your standards and needs.
If you say “yes” to things out of a fear of rejection, you're doing yourself a disservice. Feeling like you always have to say yes causes you to sacrifice what is best for you and what you know you need. It is unsustainable, unhealthy, and ultimately disrespectful toward yourself.
8. People outshining you
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When you define your self-worth and success on internal factors, people outshining you start to feel less like a threat to your ego and more like a need for competition to be more of an opportunity for personal growth. Your sense of value is not derived from the way you compare to those around you, but rather the confidence and security you have in yourself.
“Sometimes it’s easy to focus on your weaknesses and other people’s strengths. But thinking that way will only cause you to become envious, and perhaps hopeless,” according to Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker. When you have actual self-respect, you don’t allow yourself to feel hopeless as a result of the success of others. You simply view it as a reason to keep striving toward your personal goals.
9. Constructive criticism
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When you view constructive criticism as a growth opportunity instead of a personal attack, you are showing signs of having actual self-respect. If you are able to separate the value and worth you have as a person from the way you perform in certain situations, you are relying on the view you have of yourself rather than outward opinions to define who you are.
Having true self-respect and high self-esteem go hand in hand. Instead of reacting to constructive feedback in a defensive and negative manner, accepting it and all the emotions that come with it shows strength and security in yourself.
10. Walking away when something isn't right
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Walking away when something isn’t right for you shows that you are remaining true to your personal boundaries and prioritizing your well-being instead of tolerating not being respected or any other negative emotions a certain situation is causing you to feel. Being able to do so all starts with gaining actual self-respect and recognizing your worth apart from your current dilemma.
If you choose yourself over external conflicts and protect your energy, you’re showing yourself care and respect. Once a situation no longer positively serves you, that care and respect will urge you to let go and pursue situations that give you peace, happiness, and a healthy experience.
11. Someone not texting or calling you right back
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No longer validating your worth based on the attention other people choose to give you is a good sign that you have actual self-respect. When your happiness doesn’t depend on other people, and you remain positive regardless of whether someone is chatting with you or not, it signifies that you are secure in yourself and understand that how you allow someone to treat you is teaching them how they should treat you.
You realize that the only behaviors you can control are your own, so when someone does something that maybe you wouldn’t prefer, you choose to let their actions minimally impact you. You show yourself the respect you know you deserve, and you don’t let others’ actions dictate whether or not you are worth being treated well, because you have true respect for yourself.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
