Women Who Have Been Through A Lot In Life Almost Always Say These 10 Phrases When They Talk To You
Bricolage / Shutterstock Many people who’ve been through a lot tend to have worsened well-being, according to a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality. However, it’s also possible that the hardships helped develop the confidence and resilience they have now.
Their hardship is a piece of their personality. Even if it’s not directly causing stress in their lives in the ways it used to, their language and relationships still feel the effects, even if it’s subtle. Women who have been through a lot in life almost always say certain phrases when they talk to you that can give away a bit about their background.
Women who have been through a lot in life almost always say these 10 phrases when they talk to you
1. ‘Don’t worry about it’
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People-pleasing is often a trauma response that comes from unresolved struggles, causing people to invalidate their own emotions, dismiss their own needs, and put people ahead of themselves all the time. Women who have been through a lot in life will therefore almost always use phrases like “don’t worry about it” to make sure no one else feels they need to carry their personal burdens.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality, dealing with a lot of adversity in life can also make people less agreeable. Even if it’s turning down social support to reassure their inner limiting beliefs that they’re not deserving of help and unconditional love, they often dismiss and invalidate their own emotions in passive ways to cope.
2. ‘I’m fine’
Even if it offers a struggling, hyper-independent person a misleading sense of control in the moment, suppressing emotions only leads to more anger, negativity, and stress. Running from and bottling up emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just amplifies their power and control over you on an internal level. Women who have been through a lot in life may have learned this unhealthy coping mechanism from their parents, but it’s also possible that it’s a practice that stems from adversity. If they always had more pressing, unsafe, or scary things to manage in their daily lives, the complex emotions and vulnerable parts of themselves weren’t a priority.
3. ‘What can I help you with?’
Despite struggling to ask for help, women who have faced hardship in life often put more energy into supporting others than they do into themselves. They know what it’s like to feel excluded and alone, and work to help bring people out of that space, even if it means overlooking their own needs.
If they’re not taking care of their own well-being and asking for help, they can end up pretty lonely. It’s these moments of shared support that truly make everyone feel better, as a Stanford Report explains, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient in the moment.
4. ‘It is what it is’
When a woman has gone through a lot, she often reaches a point where she simply accepts life's unfairness. While this perspective often removes the disappointment from hard situations and allows them to make changes without expecting equity, they struggle to be optimistic.
Of course, people who’ve faced a lot of adversity tend to be more resilient, according to a study in the Frontiers in Psychiatry journal, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re more positive or optimistic as they navigate the world.
5. ‘Other people have it worse’
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Despite working through that adversity to make it to wherever they are today, many people with a hard past struggle to acknowledge their own accomplishments and bravery. They struggle to be the center of attention for too long. Whether it’s coming from someone else or their own insecurities, emotional invalidation can often predict further mental health struggles and isolation, according to a study from the Psychological Bulletin journal. So, while these people might feel a fleeting sense of comfort from avoiding their own needs, they can end up feeling more anxious and alone.
6. ‘I don’t need anyone’
Hyper-independence is often a trauma response to being parentified from a young age or having been througha toxic relationship where their needs were chronically unmet. “I don’t need anyone” is simply a manifestation of that independence, even if it sometimes isolates them from seeking social support and building strong relationships with other people.
Of course, you don’t have to become codependent with someone to maximize the beauty of a deep relationship, but they do require some level of vulnerability that these hyper-independent people seeking stability and control often run from.
7. ‘I don’t want to talk about that’
If a woman uses a phrase like “I don’t want to talk about that,” specifically when a conversation shifts to a more emotional or vulnerable topic, there’s a chance she’s been through a lot in life. Whether it’s a specific trigger topic or a general fear of opening themselves up to others out of fears of abandonment and rejection, they use avoidance to control their own comfort levels.
While it’s okay to occasionally avoid triggers and set boundaries, if these women are regularly using avoidance as a way to cope with their unresolved trauma and close themselves off to seeking support, it can easily harm their long-term well-being, as psychologist Emily Hylton-Jean explains.
8. ‘I didn’t mean that’
Many people who have specific triggers from their past from hardship tend to overreact or have disproportionate reactions to seemingly innocent conversations and topics. According to psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, these situations can often spark intense anger, avoidance, and stress, even if they seem “normal” to everyone else.
Often caused by pent-up, suppressed emotions and a fear of vulnerability, women who have been through a lot often need to muster up the courage to use phrases like “I didn’t mean that” when their bottled-up emotions eventually bubble up to the surface.
9. ‘It made me stronger’
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Instead of leaning into the vulnerability of sharing ongoing struggles and perceived “weaknesses” in character, many women who’ve been through a lot in life choose narratives like “it made me stronger.”
Of course, studies, like one shared by the American Psychological Association, argue that adversity does tend to make people “stronger” and more resilient, but sometimes, people with unresolved trauma use this “strength” as a means of control or to justify their hyper-independence in problematic ways.
10. ‘I don’t need much’
By avoiding support from others and turning their backs on asking for help in conversations, women who’ve been through a lot tend to frame their own self-reliance as a strength. Even if it leaves them more alone when they need to self-isolate for comfort and sabotages the balance in their relationships, they feel more in control by not “needing” anyone. This is especially prevalent in eldest daughters and parentified kids later in life, as they’re so used to prioritizing others that their own needs go chronically overlooked.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
