You Can Usually Tell How Shallow Someone Is By These 5 Things They Care Way Too Much About
Roberto Junior | Canva It took me many years to feel like I was living with any sense of purpose. For starters, I was young and more focused on not looking dumb and making my first few online dollars. I was living in the short-term. Over time, this sense that I needed more fulfillment gnawed at me.
I needed more than just to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head. I needed to focus on the long-term. Eventually, I did more things that gave me a sense of real purpose. I learned what blocked me and others from realizing it.
I also realized I was prioritizing the wrong things. Not everyone who enjoys nice things or cares about their skin is shallow, but I got to a place in my life where I felt like I was placing too much importance on surface-level things while overlooking the stuff that actually matters.
You can usually tell how shallow someone is by these 5 things they care way too much about:
1. Themselves
Worrying about how we look and what others think stifles purpose. It’s blocking you from the real experience of yourself. Focus outwards on helping others and improving the world, and you will have a purpose.
Psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer agrees, explaining that "constant self-absorption undermines our capacity for empathy and true understanding of the thoughts and needs of others. It's extremely difficult to clearly appreciate the world that exists outside ourselves when most of our focus is directed internally."
2. Money and material possessions
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Money can be seen as a reflection of the difference you are making in the world, but pursuing money in and of itself will take you away from purpose. Attach the making of money to something greater than you.
Dr. Tim Kasser, psychology professor at Knox College, found that "when people believe materialistic values are more important (than experiences, for instance), they report less happiness and contribute less to their communities.
3. Hitting goals
Goals are essential, but they are far less significant than creating momentum. Momentum is created now, not next Wednesday. Develop a system that is biased to continual motion, and you will have a purpose.
You don’t lack time. Life is long. Days are long. You know this. I know it. Really, you lack two things: desire and momentum. Figure out what demands your time and ensure it’s not stuff you’ll regret spending most of your life doing.
4. What other people think
Repeat after me: Stop prioritizing the opinions of people you don't respect in the first place. Inner Intelligence is that wise voice (spoiler: your own!) that reaches you when you finally stop worrying about other people for a second. It finds you when you’re in flow. The voice tells you exactly what you need to know to be on purpose if you’d only listen.
5. Being busy
Life gives us many excuses to deviate from those things we’re naturally gifted in that bring us to life. Find those things, and be lethal in how you say no to the things that should not demand your limited attention.
Maybe you can’t verbalize your values, but you can see them at play when what you do just doesn’t sit right in the gut. You feel a seeping sense of shame. These are the moments you are in conflict because your actions do not align with your values.
You are not living purposefully when you are out of alignment with what you consider the 'right' way to live your life, whatever that means for you. Therapist Dr. Jamie Lusk sums it up nicely: "Moral distress occurs when we act against our deeply held values, leading to a heavy burden of pain and regret."
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
