Unhappy In Life? 4 Things To Do.
Maryiaplashchynskaya | Pexels Do you ever have a problem or emotion so upsetting that you want to call your best friend because you need a friendly ear? What happens if no one answers? You're stuck with your feelings and misery, with no resolution, relief, or happiness in sight.
I've invented a simple activity that helps you help yourself when you feel really, really unhappy. I call it Narrative Tapping, and it's based on EFT acupressure tapping. When you gently tap or press on certain acupressure points for a few seconds, the stimulation helps to raise serotonin in your brain. Serotonin is the brain chemical that soothes and calms you so you can think clearly.
If you're unhappy in life, here are four things to do:
1. Begin by focusing on the negative
This could be a negative emotion, thought, memory, or situation as you gently tap along the outer edge of your hand, just below the little finger. We call this the Karate Chop Spot.
Scientists tested 83 people by having them do either EFT tapping, regular talk therapy, or just rest for an hour. The people who did the tapping had their stress hormone levels drop by 24%, which was way more than the other groups, and they also felt less anxious and depressed.
2. Tap or press each of the following points on your body
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Do this for just 3 seconds as you continue to concentrate on what is bothering you:
- The crown of the head
- The hair of the eyebrow where it begins nearest the nose
- The outside edge of the eye socket
- Under the lower lid of the eye
- Under the nose
- Under the lower lip
- Under the collarbone
- On the side of your body, 4 inches under the armpit
As you tap your Karate Chop spot, say out loud, "I am so upset about ___ that it's really getting to me. I want to talk about it so I can resolve it." Do this 3 times with feeling.
When researchers looked at 14 different studies involving 658 people, they found that tapping on these specific spots on your body really works for anxiety. The results showed tapping made a big difference in helping people feel less anxious compared to groups that didn't tap.
3. Tap on the next acupressure point on the crown of your head for a few seconds as you talk your feelings out
Speak as if you were telling your problem to your best friend who wants to listen and help you. As you relate each new sentence, move to the next acupressure point, where the hair starts to grow on your eyebrow, outside the eye socket, under the lower lid, under the nose, and so on, until you tap all areas.
Studies show that EFT works because it combines three things together at the same time. You focus on what's bothering you, you talk about it out loud while tapping on your body, and that combination is what actually helps reduce symptoms.
4. Continue to express any emotion that comes to you
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Tap around for as long as it takes until you have reached a solution to your problem, or until you no longer feel furious, fearful, sad, or powerless. I get the best results when I walk into a private place as I talk. You might walk around your backyard or inside your home when you are alone, and no one can hear you.
You will want to stay totally honest with yourself for the best results. Use your own words. It's okay to use curse words if that's how you feel. Shout, grunt, or scream, since there is no one there but you. It's alright to admit feelings and thoughts you might be ashamed of if others could hear you.
Pretending that things are fine when they aren't, or telling yourself that your rage or fear is childish, keeps you from clearing the negativity contributing to your unease and unhappiness. These adverse thoughts and feelings are like pus in a wound. Clean it out!
That is what Carol did. Carol was furious with her family. Her mother died when she was very small, and then her dad remarried. Her stepmother was critical and abusive, but her father didn't protect her. Carol would act ladylike when talking to a friend, explaining, "I hate them for what they did to me. I wish I never had to see them again."
What she was really thinking sounded more like, "I wish I had an Uzi and could mow them down. I would like to annihilate every one of those *%$#@ people. They don't deserve to live after what they did to me!"
Of course, Carol wouldn't act out her rage; she felt better after venting her feelings while tapping. After a minute or two, the anger dissipated, and Carol felt great sadness—both for herself and for the emotionally troubled people who brought her up.
Tracy came to me after she began waking up in the middle of the night with a fear of dying. She was a perfect candidate for Narrative Tapping. First, she talked to herself about waking up in terror as she tapped her crown point. Then, as she moved to tap the eyebrow point, she realized that she was about to turn 50. That was scary!
She tapped another point outside her eye socket as she told herself that 50 meant that she was getting old. "I don't want to get old," she said as she tapped the next point under the eye. "No one will take me seriously."
As she continued to talk out loud and tap, Tracey discovered that she was afraid she wouldn't accomplish new things in her career. "It's too late. Life has passed me by." A moment later, as she moved to a new tapping point, she shouted, "It's never too late! Who knows what else I will do in my life?"
In a few more minutes, Tracey had recognized and released regret and sadness about the past and was looking forward to the future. She accomplished this in less than 5 minutes! Her sleep immediately improved, and she went on to do some amazing things in her life and her career over the next few years.
Be your own best friend and try Narrative Tapping the next time you feel frazzled and alone. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results. You can learn more ways to use EFT Tapping in my book, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing.
Gloria Arenson is a psychotherapist, specializing in energy and power therapies. She is the author of popular books on eating disorders and compulsive behavior, conducts classes and workshops nationwide, and trains professionals in Meridian Therapy.
