Trial Attorney Shares 8 Genius Ways To Deal With Someone Who Always Has To Be Right
You really have to choose your battles with these people.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock We've all dealt with a person who believes they know just about everything. They dominate the conversation, espousing their views while trampling on yours. Even when you have questions or need clarification, they deflect, leaving you no choice but to end the conversation due to how toxic it has become. Luckily, you don't have to stand idly by while someone tries to pull one over on you. Because one trial attorney explained how to deal with someone who always has to be right.
When conversing with a person who is unwilling or unable to hear you out, the frustration can lead to negative reactions or avoidance. But personal injury attorney and law firm owner Jefferson Fisher has some suggestions that can help you deal with, or at least better understand, a person who insists on being right, no matter the topic of conversation. And, in the end, you'll find yourself at peace with the conversation.
Trial Attorney Explains How To Deal With Someone Who Always Has To Be Right
1. Realize that you will not be heard
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"If it feels like you're talking to a brick wall, it's because you are," says Fisher.
He goes on to say that these people have tied their identities to being right, so when you question their logic or insight, you are calling their identity into question in their mind. You can't change that, but you are able to manage it.
2. Know that you'll never be able to prove them wrong
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"Know that the harder we work to prove they're wrong, the more convinced they are that they're right," Fisher explains.
To diffuse that dynamic, he tells viewers to say something simple like "maybe you're right" or "maybe so." Because they have a wall up, continuing to engage will only result in bumping your head on it.
3. Have a follow-up conversation
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After being unable to get through to the person who just has to be right and suggesting that they might be right, Fisher suggests a follow-up conversation when both parties sit down and you ask that they at least consider your thoughts, whether they agree with you or not.
According to Fisher, "Now you've made a safe space to have a discussion that's not threatening their identity." And as master certified coach Marcia Reynolds points out, "To generate psychological safety, you start with being curious about how people see a situation. Ask them to share their perspective and ideas. If you have an opposing view, encourage them to disagree with you while you stay open to allowing them to change your mind."
4. Don't take it personally
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It's easy to feel attacked when a person refuses to see your logic, but you should never take their actions personally. Their issue was there long before the conversation between you and them took place.
Separating yourself from their behavior is vital to your ability to drop the conversation and not internalize it. In fact, as psychologist Nick Wignall suggests, "The next time you find yourself taking things personally, try to hit the pause button. Then, instead of getting lost in lots of storytelling and self-talk about the other person or what their comments/behavior mean about you, just take a moment to acknowledge how you're feeling and validate those feelings as perfectly normal and understandable, even if uncomfortable."
5. Avoid the blame game
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The next step in how to deal with someone who always has to be right is to avoid passing blame. Though the urge to point out the misdirection of another person may be strong, it will only serve to create more conflict.
There is no need to point out the issues that you see in another person. Instead, focus on what you could have done differently to make the verbal transaction better. Take responsibility and move on, whether they are accountable or not.
6. Focus on the topic at hand
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When in conflict, the conversation can easily spiral into other debatable and unresolved topics, creating more confusion. Especially when you're dealing with a person who always has to be right, it's important to conserve energy by focusing on the matter at hand and keeping the past in the past.
"Being able to recognize attempts to distract from the present topic and insert a neutral, canned statement (with an immediate follow-through and commitment to stay out of the past) is one of the most important skills to maneuvering through conflict with people who always need to be right," licensed counselor Jamie Cannon explains.
7. Leave other people out of it
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When you're trying to prove a point, calling out other people who may have witnessed what happened can feel like a no-brainer, but it is something that should be avoided. It can make others feel cornered and forced to take sides, while also damaging the relationship between you and them.
As Cannon points out, by not involving others in the conversation, this will "protect your relationships by minimizing damage from the immediate conflict as well as firmly demonstrating your boundaries in a caring, appropriate way."
8. Walk away
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When a conversation becomes aggressive and emotionally out of control, keeping your cool is not always possible. If that's the case, it's best to walk away before the situation escalates. If possible, you can revisit the discussion when cooler heads have prevailed.
Therapist Bill Eddy recommends using a phrase like "I can hear that you have chosen to have me end the conversation. Contact me when you are ready to talk civilly" to get the point across. However, he insists only giving a warning twice — "otherwise, they won't believe you in the future."
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
