11 Traits Of Caring But Not Nice People, The Rare Ones That Can’t Be Manipulated
Don't mistake these people's kindness for weakness.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock Some rare people can’t be manipulated. That does not mean, however, that they can’t be kind. In fact, they know that being nice isn’t enough. Niceness is fleeting. Anyone can be ‘nice’ without practicing true kindness. While nice people are constantly looking to be liked by those around them, these caring people know that it’s better to stay true to themselves and set firm boundaries with others.
“My kindness was, and still sometimes is, misconstrued as niceness. But the two could not be more different. Or rather, the perceptions and socializations of the two could not be more different. The perception of kindness emanates from a particular place. Kindness, firstly, emanates from acknowledgment. Niceness is: what can you do for me? Kindness is: I see you for all you are and I champion the love and generosity inside of you,” says J. Sullivan. People who choose kindness over niceness stand firm in their boundaries and prevent themselves from getting manipulated.
These are 11 traits of caring but not nice people, the rare ones that can’t be manipulated
1. They prioritize kindness over niceness
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Some may think that being kind and being nice are the same thing. For those rare people who can’t be manipulated, they understand the difference. Nice people can be easily swayed. They try to please people, making them easily susceptible to manipulation. This doesn’t mean that kind people can’t be nice, because they can. But kindness takes on a different form.
Kind people treat everyone with respect. However, they know that it is earned rather than given. They prevent themselves from being manipulated by having a firm grasp on who should be trusted and who should be socialized with on a more surface level. They are firm in their thoughts and beliefs, making them stronger than others when it comes to being swayed by those with ulterior motives.
2. They appreciate feedback
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When someone accepts feedback, they have a thorough understanding of who they are. They know that they are not perfect. They appreciate the guidance from others. This doesn’t mean they are easily convinced to change their opinions or behavior. They know how to take the feedback and apply what works, but let go of what doesn’t.
Kind but not nice people are confident in themselves. They are open to learning more and being better, but they will not completely change to please those around them. Nice people may take feedback as an attack or how to shape themselves for the other person. People who are kind know that feedback is subjective and appreciated, but they will only implement it if it makes sense.
3. They take responsibility for their actions
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To prevent themselves from being manipulated by others, kind people take accountability for their actions. While they may make mistakes, they often stand by their behavior. Nice people can be easily convinced that they were wrong. They will seek validation from others. They want to please rather than stand firm in their character.
“Taking responsibility means acknowledging and accepting accountability for one’s actions, decisions, and their consequences, whether positive or negative. It involves being honest about your role in a situation and being willing to face the outcomes, both good and bad,” says Life and Progress. "It’s an important trait that helps build trust and respect in personal and professional relationships."
4. They set boundaries
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Setting boundaries is key when it comes to preventing manipulation. Those who are kind rather than nice do not allow others to become too big an influence in their life. While nice people struggle to say no to things, thinking they need to do everything they can for the person asking, kind people couldn’t be more different. They know the importance of helping others, but only in a way that makes sense to them. They will not allow themselves to be taken advantage of.
“Boundaries are the imaginary lines we draw around ourselves to promote physical and mental well-being. Boundaries apply to nearly all aspects of our lives. There are boundaries we set for ourselves with our own habits and behaviors, especially behaviors that are energetically draining,” writes Jordan Fiorillo Scotti, Ph.D., for Psychology Today. “We also create boundaries with others in personal and professional relationships. These interpersonal boundaries determine how much contact we have with other people, what types of contact we have with them, how much we give and how much we ask for in our relationships, how much time we make for people, and how much time we reserve for ourselves.”
5. They don't tolerate gossip
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Gossip is something kind people can’t stand. They know that the person speaking poorly about others is doing so for their own gain. They want them to take on whatever opinion they have about the person. They’ll use manipulation tactics to convince them. A nice person may fall for this. They will go along with the gossip and be agreeable.
Kind people, however, will not tolerate gossip at all. They will tell the other person to stop speaking about others that way. They will certainly not be swayed by the thoughts of others. They will choose to get to know the person themselves rather than being convinced by someone else to take on their feelings.
6. They are self-aware
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Kind people know themselves. They are aware of who they are and act accordingly. They cannot be easily convinced to change themselves. This prevents them from being susceptible to manipulation. Nice people, on the other hand, are not aware of themselves. They can be talked into changing to impress others.
“Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection,” says Courtney E. Ackerman, MA., for Positive Psychology. “While it may not be possible to attain total objectivity about oneself (that’s a debate that has continued to rage throughout the history of philosophy), there are certainly degrees of self-awareness. It exists on a spectrum.”
7. They are in tune with their feelings
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Kind people know how they feel. They can easily tap into their emotions. They will not allow others to change their feelings. These people are rare, as they understand themselves on a deep level, allowing them to stand firm in their feelings. They can’t be told how to feel. They spend too much time reflecting on their emotions and taking time to feel them.
Manipulative people have a knack for using people’s emotions against them. Nice people can easily become victims of this. Since they want to impress everyone around them, they will have easily moldable feelings. It’s easy to convince them how to feel. Kind people are not able to be persuaded.
8. They won’t stand for negativity
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Negativity doesn’t fly with kind people. They know that dwelling on things doesn’t get them anywhere. They are proactive and dismiss anyone who tries to bring them down. Nice people take negativity to heart. They allow it to manipulate how they feel about themselves.
“Narcissism is often associated with grandiosity, entitlement, and a desperate need for admiration. But one of the things that many people don’t know about narcissism is its deep connection with negativity. Narcissists often wield complaining as a weapon, using it to manipulate those around them, redirect attention to themselves, and maintain control over their environment,” says Street Smart Safety. “This toxic connection between narcissism and negativity not only keeps the narcissist in the spotlight but also creates constant chaos in relationships and group dynamics.”
9. They read people well
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To prevent being manipulated, kind people will avoid untrustworthy people from the jump. They know that they can’t trust everyone, and some people should not get the same respect from them. They can pick up on manipulative behavior before it begins. Using this ability, they will keep relationships from forming that could cause them problems.
Nice people, however, are easily swayed by manipulators. They are open to giving everyone a chance. They are not as keen on picking up on certain traits. This allows manipulative people to reel them in and work their powers on them. Having the ability to read people saves rare, kind people from being taken advantage of. They know what’s at risk before it all unfolds.
10. They are genuine
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Standing your ground is a sure-fire way to avoid manipulation. Genuine people are proud of who they are. They never put on a mask. They will always stay true to themselves, making them immune to manipulation. They are confident in who they are and genuinely like themselves. It keeps them from being convinced to change.
Nice people are not as genuine as truly kind individuals. They often form themselves around the person they are socializing with. They have a different personality for each friend. Since they are not genuine to themselves, they can be easily tricked. They will allow others to shift their thoughts and opinions.
11. They put themselves first
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Don’t let their ability to put themselves first convince you that they are selfish. Rather, they can prioritize their needs in ways nice people cannot. They listen to themselves and their needs. They know they can not help others without taking care of themselves. On the other hand, nice people are easily manipulated by burnout. They can be talked into anything, putting themselves last to please those around them.
Manipulators know that nice people can be easily taken advantage of and will try to get everything they can out of them. “Manipulative individuals often seek personal gain, such as money, power, or attention. These tactics are most common in close relationships, where the manipulator can exert significant influence over the victim,” says the Bay Area CBT Center. “Understanding this motivation helps in recognizing and countering manipulative behaviors.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
