11 Things You Lose As You Age, But Somehow Don’t Miss At All
As you get older, you start to understand what really matters to you, and losing these things seems inconsequential.
fizkes / Shutterstock When you are young, you think that you have to live up to the expectations of society and the people around you, so you put on your game face and do things that might not even matter in the big scheme of things. As you mature, you drop the people-pleasing facade in favor of things that you find value and purpose in.
Growing older means that you learn more about yourself and the world around you. You start to better understand what is in your best interest and what serves other people while depleting you. That realization causes you to focus on what truly matters and let go of things that have no real meaning to you. There are some universal things that most of us lose as we age, but have no desire to get them back.
Here are 11 things you lose as you age, but somehow don't miss at all
1. The desire to please everyone
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By now, we all know how detrimental to your overall well-being to be a people pleaser. It diminishes your sense of self, burns you out, and makes your boundaries nonexistent. Your need for approval and validation caused you to fill others' cups while yours was almost always empty. You desperately needed acceptance and were willing to do whatever you needed to in order to get it.
But getting older means that validation from others no longer feels like oxygen. You realize that not every opinion matters and that you are not for everybody, and everybody is not for you. Life becomes much more peaceful because you've stopped performing for people to get their applause.
2. The need to have it all figured out
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The biggest stressor in our youth is about what the future looks like. You need concrete answers about where you are going, and oftentimes, not finding them can create anxiety. As time ticks away, you feel like life is slipping away, and you still haven't figured it out. But then you start to get that sometimes you simply won't have the answers.
As we age, we find a strange freedom in accepting that some things will remain a mystery, and sometimes that is for the best. We let go of the pressure to know everything about everything. Without that, we get to feed our natural curiosity for things we care about deeply, be more creative,e and give ourselves more grace.
3. Toxic relationships
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Whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, or a professional connection, aging means that we no longer have time for relationships that drain us. It used to be that because we saw something we liked in someone, we could keep them in our lives forever. But as we matured, we learned that some people will drag you down if you let them.
People are meant to be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They were put there to teach you a lesson or to join you on your journey. Experience gives you the discernment to know the difference. With age, your circle gets smaller because you are focused on quality, not quantity. The people you keep around are mutually respectful and drama-free.
4. Fear of saying no
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Immaturity allowed us to ignore our intuition and take actions that made other people happy, but left us mentally and emotionally depleted. We knew in our heart of hearts that what was being asked of us was wrong, but we couldn't say no because we wanted to be liked or loved. Even when we refused to do something, we overexplained and made excuses.
Maturity teaches you that "No" is a complete sentence. We have stopped overcommitting or putting ourselves in compromising positions. We understand the value of our time, energy, and presence and don't feel guilty for protecting our peace. Saying "no" isn't selfish. It is smart and necessary.
5. Worry about our appearance
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When it comes to confidence, I must admit that my 40s have been the best decade yet. In my 20s, I worried about making sure I looked as good or better than other women around me. In my 30s, I overobsessed about my weight, which, in hindsight, was perfectly fine. In this era, I am comfortable and confident about who I am and how I look. I don't need other people to tell me I'm pretty because I tell myself and I believe it.
Life experience shows us that beauty is not all about flawless skin and a small waistline. It's about the light that shines from the inside out and the energy you share with other people. Aging people lose the self-consciousness they once had because they are comfortable in their own skin and know that what other people think about them is none of their business.
6. Wanting to be the center of attention
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It's completely normal to want all eyes on you when you are young. You are learning yourself, and attention from other people validates you. It's hard to cope when you are not the main character of every story, and playing the background can make you feel inferior to others. You might feel you desperately need the limelight to feel good about yourself.
As the years progress, you will see that being seen is much less important than being heard, valued, and respected. You get an understanding of the pitfalls of always needing to be in the spotlight and how it can be a double-edged sword. Getting attention from everyone becomes less of a priority, while getting attention from the right one makes life a beautiful shared experience.
7. Comparing ourselves to others
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The tendency to size other people up and see how you compare has no upside. It's like comparing apples to oranges unless it's your identical twin. Even then, there are nuances in everyone's personalities, upbringing, and DNA that set them apart from every other person in the world. Still, that didn't stop us from always trying to outdo other people when were were young and unaware.
Now we know that you cannot compare your life to that of another person because it will never be comparable. Whether it's looks, career, family, or your general lifestyle, you stop keeping score and start appreciating your individual journey filled with flaws and detours. You refuse to let comparison steal another moment of your joy.
8. Rushing through life
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To be young means everything must happen at the speed of light. You go from one thing to another with no break in between because you need to cram as much activity in as possible to feel accomplished. You burn the candle at both ends for as long as you can, leading to burnout, but continue to push because youth is on your side.
Now that I am older, I don't want to rush anywhere anymore. I plan and organize better to give myself adequate time, and I accept that I might be late when I fail to plan properly. I no longer chase milestones and choose to be present in every moment. Life is much shorter than you think, and we should all stop and take in this beautiful experience we've been blessed with.
9. Trying to control everything
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As a younger woman, my toxic trait was believing I could control everything that happened in my life and everyone around me. I tried my best to massage every circumstance so that it would work out in my favor. In relationships, I tried to fix people by telling them exactly who and what they should be. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I learned that control was an illusion and I only had autonomy over myself.
I recently read Mel Robbins' book, The Let Them Theory, which I strongly recommend. It was all about the fact that you cannot control anyone. You let them do what you want, so you can do what you must in response. Aging teaches you that everything won't always go as planned, and that's okay. You build trust in your resilience and your ability to bounce back when things don't work out.
10. Superficial ambition
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I didn't go back to school for my Bachelor's degree until I was in my early 40s. I had a thriving career and didn't think I needed it, but I heard over and over again that I would miss out on opportunities without it. So, I buckled down and checked it off my bucket list, and do you know what happened? Nothing. My life and career trajectory continued as they had, and I had a degree to boast about.
Chasing titles, money, credentials, and external validation fade as we age. We are more logical about the real value of those superficial things that everyone relies on to feel important or better than everyone else. Now, I only do what is meaningful and fulfilling and what aligns with my values and purpose.
11. Regret over past failures
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We had it all planned out when we were young. We were going to reach the peak of success in every area of life and take over the world. Then life happened, and there were detours, roadblocks, and obstacles that caused us to let go of our planned perfection. We started to realize that even with the perfect blueprint, things don't always go as expected.
People who have the privilege of growing to an older age no longer have the goal of being perfect. They've made their mistakes, survived life-shattering heartbreak and loss, and weathered storms they never imagined they'd encounter early one. They took the lessons from those experiences, stopped clinging to regret, and started embracing gratitude for all they had accomplished.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
