11 Things Many Wives Tolerate In Marriage That They Deeply Regret Down The Road
When women quietly lower their standards, they live to regret it.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Before I became a wife, I would scrutinize married women and the things they would tolerate, noting that I would never be in that position. They say to never say never, and they were right. After getting married, I slowly but surely allowed my boundaries to be crossed, my values to be compromised, and let my standards slip. This resulted in so much resentment that I eventually threw the whole marriage away.
Marital bliss is built on love, working together, and shared dreams. It requires equal give and take, but neither half of the couple should lose themselves in the process. Unfortunately, many wives quietly tolerate things that mentally and emotionally wear them down over time, making small sacrifices that lead to big regrets. But healthy love will not demand your silence in the face of disrespect, becoming invisible to make your partner comfortable, or sacrificing your self-worth. If any of these problematic behaviors resonate with you, it might be time to rethink your marriage.
Here are 11 things that many wives tolerate in marriage that they deeply regret down the road
1. Emotional neglect
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When there is a lack of emotional connection or intimacy in your marriage, you feel isolated and unfulfilled. You have no one to turn to when life gets hard, and are left to deal with your internal feelings alone. That absence of support will eventually lead you to feel resentful and detached from your partner, and that does not bode well for 'til death do us part.
Emotional intimacy is the foundation for a deep connection in marriage. Without it, you and your spouse are just going through the motions. This can leave scars on your heart that might never heal. Everything might look fine outwardly, but you are slowly dying on the inside.
2. Ignored boundaries
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When a man ignores his wife's boundaries or minimizes her needs, he unwittingly chips away at her sense of self and her safety in his presence. He is telling her that he doesn't care what matters to her. It's his way or the highway, and he is going to put himself first, no matter the cost to her.
Personal boundaries are key to the success of a marriage. They tell your partner what is acceptable and what is not. They protect everyone's emotional well-being and build trust and respect. You know that you are secure when your husband respects your boundaries, and the connection is much more harmonious.
3. Unequal partnership
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By now, we all know how detrimental unequal give and take can be on a marriage. An imbalance in responsibilities, showing love, and being respectful leads to extreme resentment and burnout. The person who is constantly pouring from an empty cup eventually has nothing more to give, and that can spell the end of the relationship.
As women, we have been conditioned to keep the peace. We don't want to be seen as the problem, and keep our hopes up that one day, he will see our value and match our energy. But taking on the lion's share of responsibility for a marriage is rarely met with gratitude. It soon becomes the expectation and keeps you from expressing your needs, desires, or opinions.
4. A lack of appreciation
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Being constantly taken for granted will break down even the strongest bond over time. What was first appreciated and doted upon becomes the norm, and your partner starts to believe it is the bare minimum and that they can get it anywhere. Your contributions go up to try to elicit the same grateful response you once received, while his appreciation disappears.
When a person keeps on giving despite their partner's lack of gratitude, that feeling of being undervalued can make them question how important they really are to the relationship. When all signs point to a perceived low value, wives start to check out and build silent resentment.
5. Disrespect
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Disrespect comes in many forms. Your husband might speak down to you, ignore you when it comes to decision-making, speak down to you in front of other people, or do things that he knows you would never approve of. Those little jabs, no matter how subtle, can chip away at your dignity over time and leave you with deep-seated resentment toward him.
The person who truly loves and values you will not intentionally disrespect you. They will be aware of how their actions impact you and hold you in high esteem. Whether low-key or overt, disrespect fractures the relationship and creates an environment where a marriage just cannot thrive.
6. Emotional, verbal, mental, or physical abuse
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It's scary how easy it is for us to rationalize abuse when it comes from a person we love. We excuse minimizing, controlling, and abusive behavior, blaming it on his past trauma or our own actions. We vow to watch our step next time and to help him overcome his demons so he treats us better.
But that psychological damage runs deep, and over the years, we figure out that his abusive nature is not ours to fix. Excusing violence in your marriage or minimizing cruel words because he is not getting physical will have lasting emotional consequences and create so much resentment that the love will dissipate. Saying it's "just how he is" gives him license to never change.
7. Chronic cheating
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Infidelity does so much harm to a marriage. The resulting betrayal trauma is almost impossible to overcome, and the connection will never be the same. But overlooking a partner's cheating and flirting leads to broken trust and personal insecurity.
Forgiving a one-time mistake is much different than tolerating a pattern of infidelity. Some husbands will see the grace that you gave as a green light to hurt you repeatedly. Continually excusing cheating is the type of emotional trauma that will surely make you resent him and lose respect for him.
8. Putting everyone else before you
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As women, we tend to put our husbands, kids, and even our extended families before ourselves. We get so busy making sure everyone else is happy that we neglect our own fulfillment. This self-neglect makes us lose sight of our purpose, causes depression, breeds resentment, and can even result in a crisis later in life.
As you ignore your own needs, you teach others to de-prioritize you as well. Your husband gets comfortable with giving you nothing, and you get accustomed to accepting it. You become lost and empty, a shell of the vibrant woman you used to be, and you will most likely blame him for it.
9. Poor communication
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again. When a couple has poor communication, there is a very small likelihood that they will live happily ever after. A lack of two-way, honest communication can be ignored for a while, but it will undermine the marriage and create distance. That unhealthy dynamic can go on for years, quietly making both partners resent each other.
Expressing your feelings should never lead to an argument. Healthy couples can respectfully agree to disagree while hearing each other out and validating feelings. A marriage that lacks time to talk, where partners have different communication styles, or with unmet and unspoken emotional needs, turns into a quiet, lonely partnership.
10. Financial irresponsibility
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When talking about marriage, we don't talk about how being unequally yoked financially can lead to utter disaster. Overlooking your spouse's financial habits or avoiding talks about money will no doubt lead to long-term problems like debt, stress, or no money for retirement.
If you want to avoid the severe resentment that accompanies watching your partner blow through your life savings, you must have tough conversations about your finances. If you can tackle the elephant in the room now, you can avoid major money problems down the road.
11. Silencing their voice
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Every time a wife is ignored, dismissed, or just not considered, she loses a little bit of her voice. Maybe she doesn't want to be the cause of contention. Perhaps she is scared of her husband's reactions, so she chooses to walk on eggshells. Either way, she has been silenced and is full of regret and resentment.
The identity crisis that goes hand in hand with losing your voice starts to wear on you as you realize that your needs are not being met. You become more and more aware that your refusal to speak up or stand up for yourself has created a dynamic that you cannot see yourself staying in for the rest of your life.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
