11 Things People Do Every Day That Secretly Drain Their Confidence
Are you destroying your own confidence through these bad habits?
BearFotos / Shutterstock Confidence is so important to a person’s well-being. If you’re not confident, it affects your relationships, drives people away from you, and can even affect how well you do your job. People take years to build their confidence, sometimes spending thousands of dollars on therapy to make it happen.
Despite all the focus on self-esteem these days, we all have habits that can drain our confidence if we’re not careful. You might not even realize which habits harm you. Wanna keep your confidence intact? Avoid these common daily mistakes that drain confidence at all costs.
These are 11 things people do every day that secretly drain their confidence
1. Not standing up for themselves
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We all have met people pleasers who seem to be totally fine with just smiling while people trample on them. Did you know why that happens? It becomes harder and harder to say “no” after you start saying yes. This is actually backed by psychological studies.
One of the most common tricks to get people to buy something or go along with something is to increase the number of yeses they give. The rationale is simple: you’ve already said yes to X and Y, why not Z, too? Over time, that undermines your confidence and ability to say no. Setting and enforcing boundaries early helps avoid that slippery slope.
2. Giving time to people who don’t respect theirs
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Tell me if you’ve done this before: you went on a date, loved it, got ghosted, but then the ghoster comes back. They pretend that nothing happened, but you know they basically used you. Yet, you give them another chance.
You feel hollow inside. You realize you deserve better, but you roll with it. Sound familiar? Yep, that undermines your confidence by default. Oddly enough, science also suggests that this can start a cycle in which your low self-esteem causes you to be treated poorly by others. It’s best not to start giving people the benefit of a doubt — at all.
3. Talking to negative people
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If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that negativity begets negativity. Negative people see the worst in everything, so they often assume the worst outcomes. If you listen to them long enough, you’ll start to doubt yourself as well.
This doesn’t mean that you have to surround yourself with yes-men, but at the same time, watch out for people who always seem to want to tear you down.
4. Staying in toxic workplaces
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Most of us have heard of workplaces that were absolutely terrible to employees. In fact, you may have even worked in one before. Toxic workplaces don’t just feel bad to be in. They actually can cause profound psychological damage, including long-term damage to one’s confidence.
Of course, some of us need to work to earn a living, and jobs aren’t always easy to come by. If that is the case, the best thing you can do is just start applying for jobs as soon as you can. Or better yet, start your own business. Either way, escaping should be a priority.
5. Eating poorly
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It’s hard to say no to the large swaths of junk food that seem to be available in every single store that sells food. Every break room, every vending machine, even every gas station has food that can be described as junk—or corrugated cardboard wrapped in sugar.
Studies have shown that eating a healthy diet can improve your confidence. The opposite is true, too. Eating junk food can make you feel guilty, lethargic, and less-than-fabulous. If you’ve ever cheated on a diet, you likely know that feeling all too well.
6. Not getting enough sleep
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Have you ever experienced moments of confusion or bleariness after being sleep-deprived? If you have, you already know how much a poor night's sleep can wreck your day. It can make you question your decisions, act out, and also just feel awful.
While not everyone needs at least eight hours of sleep, making a point of having restful sleep genuinely does help your confidence and overall mood. Heck, even a catnap can help you get back on your feet.
7. Overthinking
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This is one of those daily habits that become more and more of a personality trait over time. We all have met (or been) chronic overthinkers who obsess and panic over the smallest details, or who worry about the tiniest gestures during a boardroom meeting.
Overthinking literally means you’re questioning every little thing you do, over and over and over again. With every question you ask, you end up just getting a little less confident, often until we question the most basic answers we have. Overthinking is sometimes seen as a sign of insecurity, but it can also be a cause of it.
8. Negative self-talk
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Did you ever notice how the people who have the most negative outlooks on themselves always mention it, too? It’s not just your imagination. Negative self-talk is one of the most toxic habits you can pick up. Even if you don’t believe the stuff you’re saying at first, your subconscious will start to believe it.
Eventually, it becomes your conscious thought, and you’re stuck in this negative spiral that is very hard to stop. The best way to avoid having your confidence broken by this is to nip it in the bud.
9. Comparing themselves to others
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“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a classic phrase people use to warn others against comparing themselves to others. It’s true. It absolutely drains your joy, but you know what’s worse? When you compare yourself to people who seemingly do better than you.
It’s oh, so easy to assume that everyone around you is doing better than you, or that you can never catch up to them. Comparison makes everyone competitive and forces you into a race you don’t want to run. Speaking of comparison, let’s talk about a habit that actually encourages that comparative thought.
10. Social media
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Alright, so you probably already knew this was coming up, right? Social media has a bad reputation for a reason. It absolutely demolishes a person’s self-esteem. This happens for a number of reasons, including giving people others to compare themselves to, setting impossible standards for everyone to handle, and also offering communities that tend to make people spiral.
Social media tends to hit everyone negatively, to the point that people are actively speaking out against it. If you want your mental health to improve, knock off your social media use.
11. Having loose boundaries
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Boundaries are important for a multitude of reasons. They keep relationships healthy, set the minimum standard of behavior you are willing to accept, and serve as a hallmark of emotional stability. Contrary to what some may think, boundaries are not meant to be broken.
Loose boundaries can result in allowing the worst types of people into your life. Keeping your boundaries loose and pliable puts you at risk of being abused, exploited, or otherwise harmed. So, don’t hurt yourself. Have and enforce those boundaries.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
