10 Things Men Say Casually That Make People Instantly Lose Respect
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva We all know that men and women have differences. Many of our perceptions about how men and women differ relate to what each gender loses when communicating. A study of gendered norms in men found that even messages to encourage chivalrous behavior tend to activate more misogynistic behavior. While some things men casually say seem innocent to them, to most other people, they come across as a major lack of respect.
Here are 10 things men say casually that make people instantly lose respect:
1. 'Females...'
How many times do women have to explain that men shouldn’t say this? The word “female” is an adjective. Using this word as a noun, in place of proper words for female human beings, like “woman,” “lady,” or “girl,” is degrading and dehumanizing. When you refer to women as “females,” we just hear you objectifying us. You are reducing our entire being down to one simple biological fact.
2. 'I like women with a sense of humor'
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We read this phrase as, “I like to say misogynistic, and homophobic things as 'jokes.' And I want to let you know up front so you don’t lose your mind when I inevitably offend you.” Research on "locker room talk" showed how men who support this type of communication are also less likely to intervene in situations of aggression against women.
3. 'Can you cook?'
Typically, the men who say this are just looking for women to replace their mothers. Sir, you’re a grown man, so can you cook? How have you nourished yourself the past ten years? If a woman isn’t a top chef, are you going to write her off? And if she can cook, is her “place” in the kitchen like a 60s housewife? To women, this question translates directly to, “I’m lazy and want a woman to take care of me, even though I’m old enough to care for myself.”
4. 'I’m a good guy'
This statement directly translates to, “I lack basic communication skills. I cannot grow as a person. I’m stubborn, and there’s a slim chance we have anything in common. But I’m a nice guy, so none of the other stuff really matters.” The type of guy who says this probably also screams, “This is why you can’t get a good man!” when a woman isn’t interested in him.
5. 'I don’t believe in feminism'
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Translation: “I don’t like women correcting me when I’ve said or done something inappropriate.”
Cultural commentator Ossianna Tepfenhart explained, "In real talk, we do not discuss how often women are not allowed to be angry. They are chastised the moment they raise their voice, and boom! Their credibility goes poof. Go on any news cycle, and you’ll see female politicians being patient with men who are telling them they’re being unreasonable for wanting rights over their bodies. Women who raise their voices, get angry, or flip out over bullying or anything else are seen as crazy."
6. 'You’re still single because you didn’t give me a chance'
When guys say this, we actually hear, “I have lots of unattractive qualities, but if you’re desperate enough, you can still come get physical.” Men, you should know that every night when a woman curves you on social media, she would rather go to bed lonely than be with you.
"Insecurity is destructive," explained relationship expert Esther Bilbao. "An insecure person in a relationship can become excessively jealous and controlling. They become controlling of everything you do because they fear you will abandon them. Therefore, they don’t trust you or often doubt you."
7. 'I don’t like women who wear too much makeup'
We hear, “I’m a misogynist and like to pit women against each other for sport.”
Relationship expert and life coach Ronnie Ann Ryan added, "Admittedly, some women might look sensational without makeup. But, is that really you? Honestly, what's so bad about boosting your looks with the help of a little makeup? I'm not talking about applying goopy layers over your skin or taking 30-minutes to put on your face. However, I think you can invest three minutes to improve your overall presentation and look your best without being a fraud."
8. 'You’re so ___ for a woman'
This one has so many variations, but every single one is bad:
- “You’re really good at [random skill/talent] for a woman.”
- “You be goin’ real hard for a woman.”
- “You know a lot about [random topic] for a woman.”
Man up, and realize that backhanded compliments don’t count as compliments.
9. 'You should smile more'
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If I had a penny for every time a man told me I need to smile, I’d be a billionaire by now. Many men think everything a woman does is for them. A study of subordinate behavior and nonverbal cues helped to explain that what we really hear when you tell us to smile more often is, “Smile at me because that means you want me.”
10. 'My ex was crazy'
In other words, “I treated her terribly, and I’m pretending the downfall of the relationship was her fault.” This completely foreshadows what you’re going to say about us if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Trashing your ex is not only unattractive, but it also leads us to wonder what you did to lead to the demise of the relationship. Did she really have “issues,” or did you play with her emotions and then gaslight her when she called you out?
If you’re a woman, you’re probably no stranger to hearing these derogatory comments from men on your dates. The next time you hear a man talk to you this way, walk away like the strong, proud woman you are.
Ashleigh Haughton is a writer who focuses on relationships, dating, and love.
