4 Things That Are Easy For Naturally Happy People, But Everyone Else Can Learn, Too
Being naturally serious doesn't make it impossible to be happy.
Stockfour via Shutterstock Have you ever wondered why some people seem so naturally able to be happy and focus on the bright side? Whether its work, fun or relaxation, it all seems to come easily for them. For the rest of us, negative thoughts can get in the way of what we want. The good news? pretty much anyone can learn to make their thoughts work for them.
Your thoughts can take over your life if you allow them to do so. If you're one of the 6 million+ people who have trouble with this, you should know that you can keep unhelpful thoughts from controlling your days and nights. It’s not as difficult as you might imagine. It takes commitment. But what you learn when you do this work are the skills those seemingly "naturally chill" people have perfected.
Three things naturally happy people find easy, but everyone else has to work at
1. Letting thoughts float away
While we don't want to push away all of our uncomfortable thoughts, one key to being happy and relaxed is to let some thoughts float away. Sometimes, just for a short time. Other times, the thoughts can go away forever. If this isn't naturally easy for you, try this boat exercise designed to help you "float" your intrusive thoughts away.
Try this:
Step 1. Sit down in a comfortable chair with your feet resting comfortably on the floor.
Close your eyes and take in a deep breath to the count of four and hold it to the count of seven. Do this five times, then breathe normally, staying mindful of your breath.
Notice the air as you breathe in and out. Is your breath cooler coming in or cooler going out? Be aware if it is warmer when you inhale, or warmer when you exhale.
Step 2. Imagine yourself as a dock with a boat tied to your post.
You are the dock, and the boat represents all your negative thoughts. Close your eyes and see this visualization in your mind. You can see with your eyes closed as if they were open. Picture a dock and a boat tied to a post.
Say, “I am the dock.” See the boat and say to yourself, “The boat will hold all my negative thoughts.” Put your thoughts into the boat, one by one.
If you only worry about one thing, place it in the boat. If you have many worries, put each thought, one by one, into the boat. See the boat filled with your thoughts. There is plenty of room in the boat to hold many ruminating thoughts.
As you place each thought into the boat, embrace the thought before you deposit it into the boat. See each one clearly as you are placing them into the boat. Allow yourself to fully experience each thought. Give yourself a few minutes to embrace each thought. Take your time.
3. After you have deposited each thought into the boat, untie the rope.
Mentally allow the boat to gently slip away from the dock. Watch it move away into a stream that will carry it down to a waterfall. Give it time to float away.
Imagine the boat is moving very gradually, heading toward the falls or rapids. Keep watching it as it moves further and further away. Say goodbye to all your thoughts and wish them well. Tell them you no longer need them.
Decide to go forth into your life without the burden of carrying your unhelpful thoughts.
2. Replacing troubling thoughts with reassuring ones
We all have that friend who sees the bright side of things. This isn't always the best "default mode" to be set in. After all, seeing only the bright side can sometimes cause blind spots to potential trouble.
On the other hand, you have your "Eeyore" friend, the one who sees only the dark side. That person struggles to see anything good, and is often trapped by this darkness.
The key, ultimately, is a healthy balance of both, one where you can see the risks and the downfalls, but where you can sort through which are important and which are just there to cause trouble. Then, you can replace your troubling thoughts with realistic or reassuring ones.
Try this:
Any time you get a negative thought, replace it immediately with a positive thought. For example: If you get a thought that the hurricane may blow off your roof, replace it by saying, “My roof will be strong enough to withstand any storm.”
If you keep thinking about a past relationship that still holds your attention and feelings of despair, say to yourself, “I'm strong. I'm fine and have faith that I will find a new love when the time is right.”
A 2024 study of habit formation showed, "Frequency, timing, type of habit, individual choice, affective judgements, behavioural regulation and preparatory habits significantly influence habit strength, with morning practices and self-selected habits generally exhibiting greater strength."
Know this:
The brain craves positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are the anti-virus to negative thoughts.
Always state your thoughts in the positive. This will allow you to create new neural pathways in your brain, as discussed in the Journal of Neuroscience Research. The new pathways will install a new way of thinking and calm down your central nervous system.
It takes time, patience, discipline, and practice — like anything else you have to learn or relearn. The good news is that you can create a new reality and be liberated from the thoughts that bind you.
3. Finding inner stillness
There are times when replacing unhelpful thoughts with reassuring ones becomes just another obsessive pattern or distraction. In those moments, naturally happy people are able to find stillness inside that they can rest within.
For some of us, this feels impossible. Our minds are chattering a mile a minute! But please know that it takes practice to learn stillness, as ironic as that sounds.
To learn, it's a good practice to meditate each day on visualizing your dreams, hopes, and wishes.
Try this:
Find a place on the floor of your bedroom or any room where you can be alone and relaxed. This is vital to your meditation. Turn off all electronics and any devices that can interrupt your meditation.
Find a comfortable position. A seated cross-legged position is perfect, but not required. The most important part of meditation is solitude and serenity.
Close your eyes and begin breathing through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Take in deep breaths to the count of four and hold them to the count of seven.
Permit yourself to relax with each breath, and stay mindful of each breath as you inhale and exhale. Fill your lungs with each inhalation and breathe out each breath on exhalation until there is no breath left.
Know this:
This must be deliberate and done slowly, as it is a concentration meditation practice. After about eight to 10 breaths, allow yourself to sit quietly and begin to meditate on what you desire. See each wish as you ask for it.
Imagine what it would look like, sound like, and feel like when you own it. Imagine how it would impact your life. In your mind, express a few words of gratitude and appreciation for what you will have.
4. Focusing on what you have vs. what you don't have
Your friend who sees the bright side of every situation is probably also great at focusing on what they have instead of what they don't have. This doesn't have to be something you're born with, however. Like everything else we've discussed in this article
Try this:
Ask for what you need and visualize having it. Imagine how joy would impact your life and allow that feeling to infiltrate your senses. Sometimes, that
See it in your mind. Meditate on your visualization for at least three to five minutes, holding onto it like a picture frame. Embrace it fully with an open mind and heart. Stay still and silent for at least another few minutes.
Do this every morning before you begin your day. Make it a priority! It will change the colors of your mind.
Know this:
Research has shown various ways in which forgiveness and gratitude can create happiness. So, instead of ruminating on what went wrong in a relationship or what you're missing in your life, start creating happiness by practicing shifting focus to what you have and what could be.
The bottom line is: happiness and inner peace are inside jobs
You can go back in childhood and account for your misfortunes, poor parenting, neglect, abuse, and abandonment. However, if you don’t learn to love and accept yourself — the optimum goal — despite your dysfunctional past, you will be stirring flotsam and jetsam around the toilet bowl and never flushing it out!
Yes, it’s important to know and recognize your past, but eventually, you must come to terms with it and move on with a determination to love and respect the person you are.
Joan E. Childs, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker, and author of I Hate the Man I Love: A Conscious Relationship is Your Key to Success.
