Someone With Exceptional People Skills Usually Does 7 Things Very Differently
GaudiLab | Shutterstock We naturally spend a lot of time thinking about our own problems and feelings, but what sets someone with good people skills apart is the ability to look beyond themselves and remember everyone else is living a full life, too.
These rare people pay attention to how their actions affect others, especially in situations where it would be easier to put themselves first.
Individuals with exceptional people skills do these things differently than everyone else:
1. They understand the unspoken social rules
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For example, at concerts, when you are standing and watching a performance, things can get pretty crowded. Perhaps a person behind you tries to worm their way in front of you. You may not be annoyed by it, but maybe another concert-goer confronts them, saying, "You do realize that that's wrong, right? I mean, if everyone starts doing it, there'll be a ruckus."
It seems pretty obvious. Of course, there's no rule on the concert ticket saying that you cannot get ahead of others. But it's understandable. The person standing in front of you at a concert has earned the right to do so by getting there before you. Trying to worm your way in and get ahead when everyone wants that just conveys that you think you're above others. That's not nice.
A 2018 review published in Nature Human Behavior found that unwritten social norms help people cooperate and get along, which is why following them helps everyday situations run more smoothly. If you understand such unstated social rules, you have amazing people skills.
2. They don't push their opinions on everyone else
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This quality often becomes relevant with topics like religion. Maybe you aren't religious, but you have a friend who is. You respect their beliefs, but they don't respect yours.
Every once in a while, the topic of religion inevitably sneaks into your conversations. Slowly, they start forcing their opinions on you. Maybe they even become angry that you don't share the same beliefs, or insult you by saying they pity you.
It's very off-putting, as we all retain the fundamental right to have our own opinions. Right or wrong is secondary, and forcing your opinion onto others is a sign of low social intelligence.
If you don't do that, if you genuinely respect people's opinions, especially if they're the exact opposite of yours, it's a sign of great people skills.
3. They don't get weird about lending out their stuff
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Some people are so hesitant to lend out their stuff that, even when they agree, you can tell they're uncomfortable. That tension can make it feel like the item matters more to them than the person asking to borrow it, even when that person is a friend.
On the other hand, there are people who are generous with lending their things. Perhaps you have a friend who owns an expensive bike, but never says no if someone wants to use it. A 2023 study published in Evolution and Human Behavior found that small acts of generosity can build trust and strengthen relationships, even when the favor isn't a big one.
Why? They may say something like, "I used to have an instinct to not lend it because the bike is expensive and I felt this need to protect it. But I fought that instinct. Now, I believe the worst that will happen is I'll have to pay a little extra for maintenance, and that's okay, I guess. Humans must always be more important than things."
Of course, you shouldn't share your personal and private stuff if it's sentimental to you. But if you don't hesitate while lending your other stuff to people, you have incredible social skills.
4. They actually put their phone away when someone's talking
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We're so used to being on our tech all the time that we don't find it wrong to do so, even when people are around. We don't hesitate to use our phones even if we're meeting a friend for coffee or are out at a nice dinner with our family.
But some people realize the importance of this, especially those with incredible people skills. If they have people around, they give their 100% attention to the person in front of them. They don't make others fight for their attention. They keep their phone down and immerse themselves in the conversation.
Research shows this really does matter to people we're in conversation with. A 2021 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that using your phone during face-to-face conversations can make other people feel excluded and less connected, even if you don't mean to.
5. They don't make people wait around for them
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We all have a friend that we make plans with, meeting at a usual spot. Perhaps it's even become a ritual over the years.
Whenever you each leave your homes to meet, you give an estimated time of arrival, right? This is because you both respect each other's time a lot, and don't think that you have the right to waste someone else's time.
Unfortunately, there are people who are habitually late, whether it's to a meet-up with a friend, a family event, or even to their 9-to-5 job. Whether they realize it or not, they are causing a huge inconvenience and aren't considerate of others' time.
Of course, there will be times when either you or your friend is late, because life is imperfect and things happen. But even then, you apologize because you believe in punctuality.
6. They don't make paying the bill awkward
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People try to hide who they are, but they can't. Your actions reveal your character sooner or later. One place this is especially apparent is when you're paying the bill with a bunch of people.
Some people always try to avoid paying the bill. They don't think others notice it, but they do. People aren't dense, even if someone thinks they are.
On the other hand, there are people who seek out the opportunity to pay the bill, almost always offering. Of course, we're talking about small bills here. If the bill is huge, you're going to split it; there's no doubt about it.
Research explains why generous people do this so naturally. A review published in Current Directions in Psychological Science found that spending money on others, such as treating a friend to coffee or dinner, makes people happier and builds stronger friendships. Being willing to contribute without making the situation uncomfortable can show generosity and consideration.
7. They know when it's a bad time to bring up something serious
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Every once in a while, we need to have difficult conversations with the people around us. Mostly, it's someone we're close to. But some people don't understand that timing matters a lot in such situations.
If you confront someone on a day when they're already irritated for some reason, like a bad day at work, or they haven't had a chance to eat for a long time, you're doing it wrong.
Socially intelligent people understand the importance of timing in difficult conversations. They make sure the person they have to confront is in the right mindset to absorb it.
Akshad Singi, M.D., is a writer whose work has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, Medium, and more.
