11 Now Socially Acceptable Behaviors Boomers & Gen X Still Consider Bad Manners
Steven Aguilar | Unsplash What's considered rude varies from generation to generation. And, while some behavior is considered rude no matter what era you're in, like cutting in line, there are plenty of generational differences that prove bad manners are totally subjective.
Things that seem like bad manners to baby boomers & Gen X, but are socially acceptable to younger generations now:
1. Scrolling at the dinner table
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Scrolling at the dinner table might be socially acceptable now, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Family dinners have been proven extremely beneficial for kids when they're young, and the benefits last into adulthood. Dedicated time to talk each day is also fantastic for couples.
Every family has their own rules for what's allowed at the dinner table, especially when it comes to phone use. Like everything else in the world, context is key, and scrolling during a romantic dinner for two or while the family is settled at the table are very different from scrolling while eating takeout on the couch.
Still, most boomers and Gen X adults likely find it very rude, even if they're just noshing on take-out at the coffee table.
2. Using emojis in work emails
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
When it comes to appropriate ways of communicating at work, there's a major generational divide around using emojis. Gen Z has no problem peppering their work emails with emojis, even though their boomer bosses don't always appreciate it. Yet the tides seem to be shifting as more of Gen Z joins the workforce, which means using emojis at work is actually socially acceptable now, even though it seems like bad manners.
According to research published in the Journal of Information Technology Teaching Cases, using emojis at work serves several very useful purposes, as much as boomers may not want to hear it. These include conveying emotions, offering feedback, and expressing appreciation within peer groups.
Researchers pointed out that "emojis can potentially enhance the clarity and effectiveness of communication," but they can also be misused in a way that negatively impacts people's working relationships.
Using emojis at work can make people seem more approachable, but it also has the potential to be misconstructed or perceived as lacking in professionalism within certain settings, especially among different generations.
3. Texting instead of calling
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock
As smartphones continue to reign supreme, it's become more socially acceptable to send texts instead of calling, when it used to seem like bad manners. Older people often find it confusing to sift through a series of texts and may even read into the lack of a phone call as a sign someone is avoiding them.
In a survey of phone etiquette across generations, researchers discovered that most people think texting is less disruptive than calling, except in one specific situation: driving.
Aside from this on big exception, using the phone to make an actual phone call is interpreted as way more impolite than sending a text if you're Gen Z or Gen Alpha, and the exact opposite for boomers, with Gen X being a mixed bag.
4. Not shaking hands
fizkes | Shutterstock
Before 2020, shaking hands was the first thing people did when they were introduced to each other, a tradition that was passed down over many generations. These days, the rules around handshakes have completely changed. Refusing to shake someone's hand is one of those things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable.
According to etiquette expert Margaret Page, you can use other things to convey your comfort level around handshakes: your body language, your voice, and your empathy.
"If you don't want to shake hands, don't offer your hand," Page advised. "Tell the person you're greeting that you're not shaking hands at the moment. Be clear but keep a friendly tone."
If you're upbeat and show your enthusiasm for meeting someone, a lack of handshake becomes less noticable. After all, it's about letting someone know they're important, and there are many ways to do this.
5. Ignoring unexpected visitors
Santiago Silvano | Shutterstock
In the time before cell phones, it wasn't especially strange to stop by someone's house unannounced. Getting a random knock on the door wasn't out of the ordinary, and it was widely accepted that pretending not to be home was just plain rude.
Now, showing up unexpected at someone's house is considered way more rude than pretending not to be at home! It's the modern-day equivalent of inviting yourself over to a friends' house, even though they've told you how busy they are.
Ignoring people who come to your doorstep seems more rude than it is. There's no hard and fast rule that says we have to sacrifice our personal comfort just to entertain other people. Ignoring unexpected visitors is a valid boundary to keep.
People can share understanding across the generations by knowing boomers don't mean to be rude when they show up, and Gen Z doesn't mean to be rude when they hid out from the boomers when they do it!
6. Being very slow to respond to texts
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
When boomers and elder Gen X see how many new text alerts a Gen Zer's cell phone has on it, they often break into a cold sweat. 1328 unread texts?! How is that even possible?
It might seem like bad manners to let texts go unanswered, but waiting to text back is not only socially acceptable, it's also an act of self-care sometimes. This is especially true when someone is in a number of group chats, where keeping up and replying quickly would be exhausting.
We also all know that friend who practically writes a personal essay every time they text. That takes a lot of time and energy to read through and respond thoughtfully. Thankfully, Gen Z understands that not all texts will be answered immediately.
In contrast, they often have parents who expect an answer in five minutes flat, or else it means we're lying in a ditch somewhere.
Just because we can be in constant contact with each other doesn't mean it always serves us to do so. The pressure to always be in touch is immense, and texting on your own timetable is something you don't have to apologize for.
7. Wearing casual clothes at work
Stock 4you | Shutterstock
Among the many ways the workplace has changed in the past decade, the definition of what makes an outfit "work-appropriate" tops the list. Unless you're a lifeguard, going to work in flip flops is a big "no", but wearing casual clothes at work is actually socially acceptable now.
According to a Gallup poll, there's been a major shift in what's acceptable to wear at work. Suits and uniforms have become the exception to the rule, rather than the norm. The majority of American employees go into work wearing business casual or casual street clothes.
Fifty-one percent of women who were surveyed wear blouses, dress pants, dressy jeans, or skirts, while 31% wear T-shirts and leggings. Men were more evenly divided, with almost 30% reporting they wear business casual, street clothes, or a uniform. Only 3% said they wear a suit on a regular basis.
It seems like bad manners to dress down in a professional setting, but it's probably weirder if you show up in a suit, when everyone else is in jeans.
8. Unfollowing people on social media
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock
Life is short, and we all have limited time on this Earth, which is one reason why it's more than okay to run a tight ship with your social media accounts.
It might seem like bad manners to unfollow people, but it's actually socially acceptable, and sometimes, even recommended and Gen Z is the generation leading the way. Curating your list of followers is part of protecting your inner peace, in whatever form it takes.
From the outside looking in, blocking and unfollowing people seems rude, but it's a very valid boundary to have. You don't have to read unhinged tweets from your former college roommate, and you don't necessarily want your aunt to know how you spend your Saturdays.
No matter what, you have the ultimate decision-making power around who gets a window into your life. If unfollowing people lowers your blood pressure, do it without any hesitation or regrets.
9. Leaving events early
fizkes | Shutterstock
Your time and energy are precious resources, and you don't have to expend those resources in uncomfortable or exhausting social situations, just because it's the polite thing to do. Leaving early is one of the things that seem like bad manners to boomers and older Gen Xers, but Gen Z and Alpha feel perfectly fine about.
Here's the thing. You don't owe your presence to other people, unless you're on the clock at work or raising kids. There's nothing wrong with leaving a social gathering early, as long as you do it right.
Etiquette trainer Mariah Grumet Humbert offered insight into how to leave an event early while still being polite. "If you know ahead of time that you will be having to leave the event early, be sure to notify the host in advance," she said. "Don't feel the need to over-explain or justify your reason for having to leave early."
She reminds people that if they are planning to leave early, they should make a point to be a really good guest while you're there. Don't skulk around in the back or complain about the party or event. Be present, talk with people, smile and look happy. Be grateful you've been invited.
Then, when it's time to go, be clear and simple, and say a simple goodbye just as planned.
10. Quitting a job without two weeks notice
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock
In some situations, it's actually acceptable to quit a job without two weeks' notice, even though it seems like bad manners. There's no legal federal or state requirement for employees to give notice, but as consultant and career advice columnist Alison Green points out, giving two weeks' notice is "the professional convention, and it's generally considered a bridge-burning move not to."
Yet there are expectations to the rule, like having health issues or a family crisis. Green also shared that quitting without notice is acceptable if "your company has a track record of having resigning employees leave immediately and not paying them for their notice periods."
"If you leave without notice just because you're annoyed and fed up, well, you're still allowed to do that," she explained. "But you should be aware that you'll be burning the bridge."
Gen Z, however, feel less obligated to stick around. As a generation, they've struggled to find consistent, full-time work options, so it's no surprise they feel less loyal toward employers in return.
11. Breaking up by text
evrymmnt | Shutterstock
As rude as it is to ghost someone, it's a very common occurrence, especially within the world of online dating. Ghosting easily tops the list of toxic ways to break up with someone, and some people think that breaking up by text is close behind.
However, while a text break-up not an especially courageous or compassionate approach, it is more socially acceptable than it used to be. In fact, despite the fact that it seems like bad manners, some people prefer being dumped via text rather than having to face your dumper in person.
Remember, there's a major difference between sending a breakup text to someone you've dated for a few weeks versus your live-in partner. And just because it's socially acceptable doesn't mean it's the right move.
Texting to end a relationship might seem easier than doing it face to face, but you still have to consider the repercussions, especially if the person you're dating has different expectations.
Above all else, having compassion for the person you're breaking up with goes a very long way, no matter the format.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
