11 Social Skills Gen X Excels At That Gen Z Thinks Are Outdated
When Gen Z sees you acting this way socially, they roll their eyes and call you old-school.
voronaman / Shutterrstock Every generation has its own unique flavor, and all of them should be appreciated. Gen X, born between the mid-1960s and the early 1980s, came up in the age of the adaptation of smartphones, social media, and texting at the tail end of the era when kids actually played outside. Because of the way we navigated the world's evolution, we have a certain set of interpersonal skills that work for us, but that younger generations find outdated.
While Gen Z is expert at fast-paced communication that is preferably digital, Gen X has old-school social savvy. We value organic connections made in real life and not built between avatars. To Gen Z, our social skills seem as if they should have been retired many moons ago, but for us, "If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it". We've honed all of these skills through trial and error, and they still work for us, so why mess up a good thing?
Here are 11 social skills Gen X excels at that Gen Z thinks are outdated
1. Answering the phone and having real conversations
Lais Schulz via Canva
Talking to my 14-year-old some on the phone is excruciating. Trying to get him to respond with anything more than a lackluster "Aight" is like pulling teeth. For Gen X, talking on the phone is perfectly normal, more efficient, and builds more rapport than a simple text. We can determine tone, intention, and empathy by choosing to pick up the phone and carry on a conversation instead of sending a lazy text.
But for people in Gen Z, a ringing phone is a social threat. They wonder who has the audacity to call them unplanned and see it as unhinged behavior. They immediately think, "This could have been a text," instead of using the opportunity to build a strong bridge with another person. If it were up to them, the phone would not make calls at all because they are a waste of time.
2. Making eye contact
SrdjanPav from Getty Images Signature via Canva
I once hired a trainer to help my sons improve at soccer. The first portion of their learning was off the field, where he explained basic concepts. Being from Gen X, of course, he looked them right in the eye the entire time he talked to them. I couldn't help but be tickled when they called him weird and creepy for simply making proper eye contact when addressing them. It suddenly all made sense; the no-look responses to me and scrolling social media during family conversations.
Generation X was taught that making eye contact was a sign of confidence, respect, and showed that you were engaged and attentive. Generation Z, on the other hand, is used to screens and conversations that are asynchronous, so they find sustained eye contact uncomfortable, awkward, and invasive.
3. Sending handwritten thank-you notes
Africa Images via Canva
Remember when receiving a card for a good deed was the norm? I placed mine in a photo album so I could reference them when I wanted to feel nostalgic and appreciated. Gen X expressed their gratitude with cards that they took the time to write by hand. They were thoughtful, deliberate, and directed to that specific person for a specific reason. We equated time and energy with gratitude and made sure others knew we were grateful.
But if you're anything like me, you learned quickly that Gen Z doesn't give a flying fiddle about your little handwritten card of thank-you note. They prefer a quick DM (direct message) filled with easy-to-interpret emojis. Anything more than that is just doing too much in their eyes. While we choose to spell out a response, for them, a simple heart or smiley face will suffice.
4. Engaging in small talk with strangers
eclipse_images from Getty Images Signature via Canva
We Gen Xers are from a time when small talk was appreciated and totally normal. Whether we were standing in line, sitting on a plane, or waiting in a lobby, we struck up conversation with people we didn't know, and some of them turned into lifelong friends. We knew how to build relationships organically and could brighten someone's day with an unexpected compliment.
But Gen Z is not doing all that. They see no logical reason to approach people they don't know, and want people to just leave them alone while they get lost in their phones. Small talk is considered unnecessary, intrusive, and weird. They cannot be bothered to have a conversation with a stranger just for the heck of it. For Gen X, that chit-chat is connection. For Gen Z, it's just overstimulation.
5. Being diplomatic when navigating office politics
FatCamera via Canva
Gen X was way more apt to be subtle when it came to office politics. They read rooms, understood power dynamics, and could determine when it was necessary to speak up and when silence was the best option. We got things done by showing diplomacy and finding common ground.
Gen Z is the kick-the-door-down-and-take-what's-mine generation. They prefer directness and transparency over political correctness. They bypass the traditional workplace rules intentionally because they believe that having a voice is more important than muting themselves to other people feel comfortable. To be honest, I am proud of them for this.
6. Keeping verbal commitments
Fauxels via Canva
Me and my Gen X friends used to agree that we would meet somewhere a week in advance, and we all showed up. No one had to call and confirm fifty times. There was no assumption that if we didn't talk, the plans were off. We made commitments to one another and showed up because those in-person moments were vital to our friendships and our collective goals.
But with Gen Z, plans change in a flash, last-minute cancellations are very likely, and commitments are soft instead of being written in stone. To them, changing their mind is their right, and if you respect them, you won't make a big deal out of it. Gen X's word was bond. We took our verbal commitments as obligations. For Gen Z, agreeing to do something is more of an "I'll let you know" situation than a sure thing.
7. Resolving conflicts face-to-face
Zinkevych from Getty Images via Canva
Gen X had to handle their beefs in person. Tough conversations were had in real life, and no one could get by with being a keyboard warrior. Whether it was a tense disagreement or some constructive feedback, we would show up in 3-D and say what needed to be said. The message recipients had thicker skin than people do today, and we were able to work through hard circumstances.
As direct and transparent as Gen Z would love to think they are, they tend to be a lot more passive-aggressive when it comes to saying what they mean and meaning what they say. They prefer texting or indirect ways to avoid the discomfort of confronting someone head-on. While we learned to talk things through, they learned to hit that block button so fast, your head will spin.
8. Respecting personal space in social settings
martin-dm via Canva
Gen X grew up respecting people's boundaries. We keep an appropriate physical distance when conversing and try our best to understand others' levels of comfort before being in close proximity. We didn't have livestreams to intrude on people's privacy or selfie sticks that lured unsuspecting passersby into an unwelcome role as a photo bomber.
Gen Z comes from a time of digital expressiveness. They haven't been exposed to in-person contact in the way that we have, so they can overlook nuance in favor of viral content. It's not abnormal for them to expose total strangers to pranks and embarrassing situations they never signed up for in an effort to grow their digital platform.
9. Hosting and attending in-person gatherings
SeventyFour from Getty Images via Canva
As a proud member of Gen X, hosting a good party, especially one with a theme, is one of my favorite things to do. We valued community, so dinner parties, potlucks, barbecues, and birthday shindigs were things we looked forward to. We wanted to see, touch, hear, and feel people so we could form bonds and memories that lasted a lifetime.
For people who are part of Gen Z, digital socializing is much more preferable. A good group chat, interacting on a Discord server, or a video call are the connective tissue that keeps them attached to the people they care about. For us, asking someone to stop by was part of life, but for them, an unexpected guest is bad form and rude.
10. Dressing for the occasion
Odua Images via Canva
Gen X grew up in an era where there was an appropriate way to dress for every occasion. For interviews, we wore suits or dresses; for meetings, a button-up and slacks, or a blouse that told everyone we were ready to get down to business. Things like wearing your pajamas in public were considered tacky and inappropriate. We were expected to dress the right way for every occasion or face extreme embarrassment.
Gen Z doesn't abide by those stringent rules. They are more fluid and take a comfort-first approach that might seem a little too casual for older generations. They want their clothing to be an extension of their personalities, so they choose to put on things that tell you something about who they are. While we believed in dress codes, Gen Z focuses on vibe checks.
11. Being okay with silence
Roberta SA from corelens
Before the world was overtaken by constant notifications and alerts, we had the privilege of sitting in silence from time to time. Gen X became accustomed to being quiet and not feeling awkward about it. We didn't have to fill the silence with words that meant nothing. We could sit for hours with other people in the room, just doing our own thing, or quietly spending time together because we felt our presence was important.
Gen Z sees nothing natural about sitting in a room filled with silence. They rush to fill in the gaps with word salad and cannot tolerate a brief lull in talking. They have been conditioned by the rapid pace of digital communication to avoid quiet like the plague. We thought that silence was golden, but they think it desperately needs a playlist.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
