The Art Of Calm: 7 Small Acts That Can Change An Anxious Person's Life
Calm anxiety and become more productive.
stockfour | Getty Images No one is immune to feeling anxious, at least on occasion. And no matter who or what it is that sparks your pending eruption, knowing how to calm down the anxiety and anger you're feeling when you’re seriously this close to losing it can save you, and those around you, a lot of collateral damage. But it doesn't have to.
Life happens, and a simple chain of events can slowly stoke a fire within you. Then all it takes is one "he said/she said" or "they did/they didn’t" to push you across the threshold into close-to-losing-it territory. Yet, once you've learned some effective grounding techniques and coping skills for calming anxiety, calling upon them can be far more empowering than impulsively unleashing your fury ever will.
Yes, it may take some practice to learn new ways to react when people and situations trigger your anxiety, but it is well worth the effort to get started.
7 small acts that can change an anxious person's life
1. Excuse yourself, gracefully
Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock
Leave the room, the situation, the area, or park the car, but get yourself to a safe place. That can even mean staying right where you are until the heat of it subsides. It may be a big test of your inner strength not to storm out of a situation while huffing, puffing, slamming chairs and doors, but do it with grace anyway.
Depending on the circumstance, leaving may not be possible or ideal. Take a deep breath before asking for a time out (or simply informing them that you are taking one), and be sure to do so in a calm and controlled way — even if you have to fake it.
Graceful exits may also mean hitting pause by drinking a glass of water and feeling it dampen your fire. If no water is handy, you can imagine it. Leaving in a civilized way, either literally or virtually through a pause, versus going into full throttle bulldozer mode, can be the step to help quell your eruption from spewing.
2. Put pen to paper
mimagephotography via Shutterstock
Intense anxiety or anger can be vanquished by saying what you feel you have to say on paper rather than directly to the object of your frustration. Kick it old school by handwriting everything on your mind so you can vent about your current situation.
The benefits of handwriting as opposed to typing it into a text message or email are twofold:
- You can’t accidentally click send and unleash your unfiltered thoughts, feelings, and words into someone’s inbox
- When you finish venting, you can shred the pages with your bare hands (another bonus), leaving no digital trace that may inadvertently be found later
Handwriting has been proven to be more cathartic than typing, as well as improving critical thinking and problem-solving skills. And being "this close" to losing it needs to be solved.
As explained by Eric Grunwald of MIT's Global Studies and Languages Department, "Freewriting, a writing strategy developed by Peter Elbow in 1973, is similar to brainstorming but is written in sentence and paragraph form without stopping. Thus, it [increases] the flow of ideas and reduces the chance that you’ll accidentally censor a good idea," which can add another level of efficacy in reducing your angst.
3. Visualize the old heave-ho
fizkes via Shutterstock
Fantasizing about flipping the desk over, clearing the table in one swipe, or playing Frisbee with your laptop. It feels good and satisfying, doesn’t it?! Visualization, also known as imagery, has been a tool employed by Olympians and other elite athletes for decades, and there is much evidence backing its efficacy for putting desired outcomes into motion without ever leaving the room.
- How far can you imagine your laptop will actually fly?
- How well does it bounce?
Keeping your action-packed fantasy in your head allows you to see the action, feel your muscles contracting, hear the thud of your desk, taste and smell the scene in excruciating detail, without leaving an unpleasant mess to clean up afterward.
When you are "this close" to losing it, you are so wrapped up in the instant gratification of the moment you don’t see the final scene. The one where you have to pick up the pieces and clean up the debris, all while shrouded in regret, remorse, guilt, and shame for literally following through with your actions.
4. Get tactile
Prostock-studio via Shutterstock
When you are in overdrive and your foot is fully depressed on the accelerator on the "this close" freeway, take the off-ramp by redirecting some resources away from that feeling and shifting them to a tactile action like counting your toes.
With the bulk of your attention invested in your current state, little of you is connected to the physical. Whether you are standing or sitting, wiggle your toes and notice how many you can feel. Press each toe into your shoe and count them, one toe and one foot at a time. Repeat and repeat.
By counting your toes, you begin to re-ground yourself. You can go further by scanning your body and noticing how your shoe feels or how the fabrics you are wearing feel against your body, or what the chair you are sitting in feels like.
This is especially effective when you are in a situation you cannot dismiss yourself from. Tuning into your body helps to calm the mind, and therefore, your emotions.
5. Catch your breath
Daniel Hoz via Shutterstock
When in a high emotional state, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, which in turn moves you closer to losing it because it’s like fanning the flames of a fire to burn bigger.
Box breathing, or four-square breathing, is a grounding technique you can use no matter where you are, and it is a highly effective way to get back into control of yourself when things are spiraling out of control.
- Inhale slowly to the count of five
- Hold for a count of five
- Exhale slowly to the count of five
- Hold for a count of five
- Repeat
John Hopkins Medicine stated, "Using your diaphragm also activates your vagus nerve, which is the nerve in your body that triggers your body’s relaxation response (or parasympathetic nervous system) and lowers the body’s stress response (or sympathetic nervous system)."
Deep breathing also delivers more oxygen to the muscles you are clenching as they begin to release with each cycle you repeat, essentially disarming the cortisol accumulation simultaneously.
6. Get physical
TORWAISTUDIO via Shutterstock
Dropping down and doing ten push-ups to burn off your anxious or angry energy may not be appropriate at the time, but taking yourself out for a brisk walk can help. Being in nature helps calm the sympathetic nervous system (your "fight, flight or freeze" response), and putting your pent-up energy into your pace can help return you to calm.
Even when you can’t get outside to commune with nature, you can use the power of your mind to take you wherever you decompress best. Maybe your happy place is a white sandy beach where the ocean waves wash all your stresses away. Or perhaps it's riding down the open highway on your motorcycle, sitting under a tree, or climbing a mountain.
Creating or recalling an image that brings life back into perspective is only a thought away.
7. Grab onto gratitude
Perfect Wave via Shutterstock
Chances are, in a moment when you are trying to figure out how to calm down, you are as far away from feeling grateful as you can get. However, you always have the power of choice, and flexing your gratitude muscle may effectively diffuse the situation.
Bring to mind someone you are wholly grateful for, or think of ten things you are grateful for in your life. Feel that gratitude infuse your body and mind. We cannot feel fully grateful or fully enraged at the same time, so go with the positive feelings gratitude evokes.
Most importantly, you can think about how grateful you will feel for not losing it when you don't, as well as how proud you are of yourself for keeping it together in this volatile moment. Remind yourself that feeling "this close" to losing it is temporary, and gratitude is the long game.
Keeping a gratitude journal and choosing to be intentionally grateful for the people and things that add value to your life helps sustain you in times like this. Gratitude acts as an antidote to stress. The benefits of giving thanks in our lives are endless, especially helping us to build our resilience overall.
Be aware that not any one of these tips is guaranteed to work for you every single time you need to calm yourself down.
You need to find your combination of tools to get you on the other side of losing it, and all are most effective when sampled and practiced before you need them. Regardless of how few or how many you need to use these techniques and skills, it's worth the effort in the end to find what works best for you.
Sherry Trentini is a Life and Grief Coach who helps people let go of whatever they are holding onto that may be holding them back, so they can reclaim and re-invest that energy into re-envisioning the life of their dreams.
