7 Less Obvious Tricks Successful People Use To Keep Their Lives On Track
Plus, five reasons people feel held back in life, according to a leading behavioral modification and relationship expert.
Jeffery Erhunse On Unsplash Although it might sound easy, the greater truth is it can be challenging to move forward and pursue your professional and personal goals. So, why do so many people remain stuck in their lives?
This happens for a plethora of reasons. One thing is certain, dreams can only be transformed into reality when decisive action is taken.
Five common reasons people become stuck
1. They focus on unrealistic dreams vs. actionable goals
Before we discuss why so many people remain stuck, let’s differentiate between unrealistic dreams and actionable goals.
It's possible to achieve almost anything, but it's important to distinguish between realistic goals and delusional dreams. To achieve your goals and move forward, you must assess your current situation and determine if you're being held back by foolishness or legitimate challenges.
Unfortunately, foolishness and other legitimate challenges can often look very similar. Especially when you feel emotionally overwhelmed, stressed out, or desperate. So, it's crucial to understand the difference between these two extremes.
Photo: Jacob Lund via Getty
2. They act foolishly
Here are a few signs that you may be acting foolishly:
You've attempted a similar action once or twice before and were negatively impacted mentally, physically, or emotionally as a result.
Your financial stability was significantly jeopardized the last time you tried this despite evidence indicating that your actions were not wise.
Your actions are impulsive and driven by your fear of being alone, your ego, lustful desires, or unhappiness.
You disregarded sound advice and didn't conduct a feasibility study to weigh the costs, benefits, and legal risks.
You can make more informed decisions and avoid doing something stupid by considering these factors.
But you are feeling stuck due to legitimate challenges. You have the power to change that. This process begins with you breaking down challenging objectives into smaller, achievable goals.
For instance, if you aim to be a doctor in a year but haven't obtained your bachelor's degree, it's unrealistic to think you can achieve this within a few months. However, if you shift your focus and work towards obtaining your bachelor's degree first, you can move closer to your ultimate goal of becoming a doctor in the future. In many cases, the only obstacle you face is changing your perspective and aligning it with reality instead of ignoring the facts.
3. They accept mediocrity
Some of the main reasons you might remain stuck in your life include:
You crave the familiar.
You fear failure.
You feel the need to protect your identity or ego.
You fear being alone.
Holding onto the familiar and protecting your identity aren’t inherently harmful desires. Yet, they often contribute to the feeling you’re unfulfilled and stuck.
Staying with people and circumstances that are familiar can feel great in the short run. But it’s also an easy way to get too comfortable and stagnate. That’s when mediocrity creeps in.
Resisting change to protect your identity or ego begins when you’re a child. Here’s something to consider. How often did you refrain from being your authentic self to avoid disapproval? Maybe you went along with something you knew was wrong because you wanted to be accepted and fit in.
The need for approval lives in every one of us. It can be an asset or a liability.
The fear of change and failure is also natural. Several things influence these fears.
4. They don't see how their parents' choices affect their own lives, today
If you experience persistent pressure from people in authority, or they withhold their affection whenever you don't meet their expectations, you will likely carry a fear of failure. Furthermore, if they never acknowledged your successes, you may still struggle to recognize and appreciate your achievements even today.
FACT: Your parents' outlook on their successes and failures might profoundly impact how you perceive yourself.
These attitudes and treatments can affect your ability to recover from failure and pursue opportunities that might help you get unstuck.
Many people cannot recognize this is happening or don’t know how to change it, so they remain stuck. They feel like they aren’t capable, so they might as well not try. This is called “Learned Helplessness.” Learned helplessness is a psychological state that occurs when someone repeatedly experiences a stressful situation. They may believe they have no control over the situation, so they stop trying to change it. This can happen even when they can do so.
Instances of learned helplessness have been observed in individuals who exhibit recurring patterns of self-destructive behavior. For example, those who struggle with alcoholism often express a desire to quit drinking yet find themselves unable to do so. So, despite having the ability and resources to improve their condition. This could be attributed to their comfort in their current life circumstances despite the negative impact of their addiction.
Similarly, individuals who suffer from depression and obesity may come to rely on their mental illness and low self-esteem as a justification for their behavior, which could ultimately exacerbate their condition. It is essential to identify your learned helplessness to prevent it from becoming a persistent obstacle to personal growth and well-being.
If you recognize such behavior in yourself, it is critical to confront the possibility of learned helplessness, which can be induced by a range of factors, including chemical abuse or dependence, stress, trauma, physical and emotional abuse, or neglect.
The first step toward resolving the issue is to acknowledge it.
The second step is to make an unwavering decision to seek help. Disengaging from any enablers and engaging with the appropriate support systems is essential in addressing the problem. Remember, deciding to take control of the situation is paramount to overcoming it.
5. They have unrealistic expectations for themselves
You might have had supportive parents, but you have still developed incredibly high expectations for yourself.
Low self-esteem and a perfectionist approach may not be due to mistreatment from authority figures in your life. Your personality and beliefs are the result of many different life events and relationships.
If you’re a perfectionist, your fear of failure is likely centered around shame and embarrassment. In your mind, failure is shameful and a reflection of your worth.
It takes a lot of work to reframe these beliefs.
Many remain stuck in their lives because they’re unwilling to do the work. Others see their limiting beliefs as unalterable and are never taught they can be changed.
I’m telling you now, you have the power. Don’t remain stuck, and don’t settle for a life of mediocrity.
You alone have the power to hold yourself back or push yourself forward.
Seven less-common tricks to help you regain control of your life
1. Accept disruption instead of fighting it
I always tell my clients that disruption is the birthplace of transformation.
You can’t do the same things over and over and expect a different outcome. We define this as insanity, but I think it’s more the definition of fear.
We fear being alone, being judged, and feeling guilty. We fear the unknown. So even though we want things to change, we don’t want to be the ones making those necessary changes.
Once you make those changes, the outcome is in your control. And that’s a scary thought.
But you can do it. So if you want to have the life you deserve, here’s where you can start.
2. Accept what you're afraid of
Acknowledge your fears before you can take action to overcome them.
Write down what you fear the most.
What’s the worst-case scenario?
Is it being alone?
Is it losing your family and friends because you decided to live in your truth?
Are you afraid nobody else will want you if you leave your current relationship?
These are all valid fears. But is the potential cost of change worse than the ongoing pain and discontent that staying the same would create?
3. Imagine what could go right
Once again, write it down.
What’s your vision for your life?
What would it be like to find the right person after leaving your toxic relationship?
Imagine making money in a job you love because you left that horrible job where you were barely making ends meet.
If you’re going to think about everything that could go wrong, you owe it to yourself to consider all of the things that could go right.
You’ll realize they don’t seem as impossible or far away as you thought.
Photo: Vulp via Shutterstock
4. Shift your environment
Write down your situation and be honest.
What does your current environment do for you?
Who’s in your environment, and how are they hindering or helping you?
Once you identify what’s contributing to your growth and what’s keeping you stuck, you can take small steps to add more of what’s helping you and remove what’s stopping you.
You might need to physically relocate. You might need to distance yourself from certain people. It’s not easy, but it can be done.
5. Start changing your inside, first
It all starts with your thoughts. If you want to achieve positive outcomes and improve yourself, you need to change your perspectives and beliefs first. Don't rush into making physical changes before addressing your inner problems.
Start by cultivating self-love and belief in yourself. Without these, changing locations or situations won't make any significant difference.
It is much more likely for you to thrive in life if you make mental and emotional changes before carrying out physical changes. Once you have worked on your inner self, take small steps towards your goals. You will be more likely to succeed and reach your full potential.
Break down your larger goal into a few small goals. Slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone and embrace change.
If you notice you’re getting stuck in the thought stage and struggling to take action, reach out to someone.
6. Find someone to help keep you accountable
If you don’t want to remain stuck but can't move forward, you should seek help.
A qualified professional, such as an ICF credentialed coach or a licensed therapist, can hold you accountable and support you to stay on track with your goals. Be open to the fact you may need both.
It’s also helpful to connect with others who know what you’re going through and are equally dedicated to self-evolution so you can hold each other accountable and grow with each other.
If you’re trying to reach new professional heights, surround yourself with other professionals who’ve gone where you want to go and others who are trying to reach their career goals.
7. Maintain relationships, even when you want to isolate
Whatever your situation, you were born into a world of unlimited possibilities. Don’t allow all of the broken pieces of your life to cut you even more. Take the broken pieces and create something new.
The best is yet to come, but only if you make up your mind and take action.
Dr. D. Ivan Young, MCC, NBC-HWC, is a leading behavioral modification and relationship expert, TEDx speaker, certified Master Coach and Master Neuro-Linguistic Programmer, and credentialed Master MBTI Practitioner with a Ph.D. in Holistic Life Coaching. He has written about relationships and mental well-being for YourTango for nearly 10 years.