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Reign yourself in.
By D. Ivan Young — Written on Feb 25, 2023
As a high-achieving individual, one of the most challenging things you face is exercising self-discipline.
The more successful you are, the greater the odds everyone in your life will give you what you want. Inasmuch as your gifts and talents are a blessing, in many ways, they can also be a curse.
Being a visionary and having charisma can cause roadblocks on your path to happiness. Likewise, those same attributes can hinder being successful in your relationships.
While your talents and skills create wealth and success in your professional life, those exact same talents and abilities can disrupt your personal life by making you blind to your own shortcomings.
Beyond that, they contribute to creating an inflated view of yourself. Conversely, you can become consciously or unconsciously insecure, especially in your relationships.
Over time it becomes increasingly difficult to tell who’s with you for you and who’s with you for what you have.
Whichever side of this dilemma you’re on, it will serve you well to make a choice to do some deep introspection and get yourself in line.
Many of us learn to say no to others, but telling yourself no is also necessary.
Only self-awareness can prevent resentment, discontentment, and self-destruction. But this can be especially difficult when everyone in your life is saying yes because of what you give them and what you do for them.
I walk my high-achieving clients through the process of developing more self-awareness and self-discipline. These two traits are necessary for one to maintain healthy relationships while protecting hard-earned assets, especially for high-net-worth individuals.
Contrary to what many people think, you can have both happiness in your personal life and durable success in your professional life.
How to know if you've been too self-indulgent
Trying to balance healthy relationships while ensuring you have yourself and your assets in check is no small feat.
To exercise the self-discipline needed to maintain health, happiness, and success — you must have clarity about your weaknesses as well as your strengths. If you can’t acknowledge where you’re falling short, the consequences will bleed into all areas of your life.
As a high-achieving individual, you might be more aware of your strengths. You know how to leverage your skills and natural talents to win over others and get what you want.
This isn’t always sinister.
Just because you’re great at what you do doesn’t mean you’re trying to take advantage of others or think you’re superior. But you can easily fall into the habit of using your natural talents to get what you want.
This is problematic when you do not want or care about what you or the other person needs.
The problem comes when you can’t tell yourself no, because you feel you’ve earned the right to reward yourself with what you want. This is reinforced when everyone in your life continues to tell you yes.
The reason everyone says yes doesn’t matter as much as why you can’t tell yourself no. There are ways to know if you’ve let yourself get out of line.
Four signs that it’s time to tell yourself no
1. Are you using external solutions to fix internal problems?
Do you throw money at people to make yourself feel important or appreciated? Doing this only exacerbates the problem.
You’ll continue to waste your resources on what you think is making you happy — only to find out you still feel empty.
It might feel good when someone needs you, but there’s a line you shouldn’t cross with this. You don’t want to attract codependent relationships.
And you definitely need to steer clear of people that are ready to exploit you and your resources.
2. Instead of working for your relationships, are you buying them?
You have no trouble generating wealth.
It’s tempting to believe your professional or financial success will translate to your relationships. But happiness starts with yourself, and it’s not something you can buy.
3. Do you try to use monetary success or your status as leverage to solve problems?
You’re not alone in this.
Many affluent people struggle with “wise reasoning” in their interpersonal relationships. Consistently exercising self-awareness and self-discipline is necessary to identify where you can improve your relationships with others and your relationship with yourself.
4. Are you engaging in unhealthy impulsive behaviors instead of making conscious decisions?
Do you engage in behaviors that might harm your physical and mental health?
You may look fine physically, but that doesn’t mean treating your body like a garbage can is okay.
And even though you’re not having significant breakdowns, you shouldn’t ignore your feelings or life’s warning signs.
Stop the cycle of self-destruction
The extreme version of this is abusing drugs (both legal and illicit) and alcohol and partaking in other activities that are likely to adversely affect your mental, emotional and physical health. And these types of activities will always affect your relationships.
If you’re doing any of the above, you must start making changes to ensure you aren’t selling yourself out.
To be happy and prosperous, you must learn to exercise self-discipline. Tell yourself “no” when you need to.
Consistency can be great unless it’s with actions and behaviors that harm you rather than help you. They might seem harmless initially, but these behaviors often lead to resentment. You’ll be unhappy with yourself and others.
A lack of self-discipline sets you up for exploitation at the hands of others and for self-exploitation. Even those who love you for you will take advantage of your wealth and success if you use it for self-serving reasons. Don’t try to use money or your status to exert control or create temporary happiness.
The same skills that benefit you in your professional life may be holding you back in your personal life. It could be causing your problematic relationship with your ability to self-govern.
Give yourself permission to say no.
Working with a highly skilled master-certified coach can help you Identify your blind spots and determine what’s getting in the way of your happiness.
Doing so will significantly increase your odds and ability to foster successful personal relationships. The right coach should be able to help you gain insight into which of your decisions are responsible for disrupting critical areas of your life.
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Dr. D. Ivan Young is an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach, Certified Professional Diversity Coach, National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and a Certified Master MBTI Practitioner.