The Art Of Being Unflappable: 5 Simple Ways To Live A Happy Life
juliane Monari | Pexels As humans, we have two different ways to talk to ourselves. The first includes being critical, judgmental, and a worrier. The second way we can talk to ourselves is to recognize and give credit for the good ideas, behaviors, and positive influences. The simple way to live a happy life is to nurture those second types of thoughts, creating each day while noticing the beauty and greatness of everything around us.
The main theme is to think about kindness towards yourself and others. We all know what unkindness feels like, and it is painful. Kindness has a positive effect on everyone.
Research indicates that the highly negative style of self-talk can point to an anxiety disorder, or can be a simple bad habit. If you fall into the first category of thinking, you can become your own best cheerleader while transforming those negative thoughts into a positive way to see yourself and the world.
Here are 5 simple ways to live a happy life:
1. Say 'stop' to any negative thoughts or behaviors
As you stop the thoughts, give yourself credit for changing the direction of those thoughts. You can replace the negative thought with a goal, gratitude, a pleasant memory, or just being mindful of where you are at the moment. Look around in a state of gratitude.
A study of anxiety and traumatic stress showed how suppression of unwanted thoughts made fearful memories less vivid and reduced feelings of anxiety and worry
2. Give yourself the credit you deserve
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Acknowledge every positive event, experience, or interaction you experience each day. This can be done with your partner, your kids, or just a mental check-in with yourself. You can give yourself credit immediately after a good experience or a pleasant encounter.
If I am out hiking and I trip but prevent myself from falling on my face, I make sure I say "good job, Janet", and it feels uplifting. Research on mindful awareness explained how tuning into your present experience and accepting it is important for stress and anxiety reduction.
3. Keep a gratitude list
Challenge yourself to start with 100 experiences, memories, aspects of your life, and things you enjoy, which include parts of your personality that you appreciate. Add to this list frequently. A study of appreciation showed how it is a vital skill to well-being and life satisfaction, which can be learned and grown over time.
4. Recognize and express positive feelings or appreciation to others, even strangers
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Compliment others as often as you can and find things to say to others that are positive and encouraging. In expressing appreciation to others, the feelings and thoughts within our minds improve.
With the intention of seeing the good in others and in the world, you are energetically becoming a world cheerleader.
5. Recognize the positive qualities you see in yourself
Come up with a list that you can say out loud or in your mind. Here is a partial list to choose from: I am strong, I am healthy, I am determined, I am intelligent, I am funny, I am resilient, I am loyal, I am attractive, I am adaptable, I am light-hearted, I am entertaining, I am thoughtful, I am abundant, I am energetic, and so on.
Practice saying any of these things about yourself whenever the opportunity arises: while walking, while driving, while taking a shower, or even with a therapist or good friend. Research on self-affirmations showed how habitually recognizing and stating the positive about yourself greatly improves feelings of anxiety and stress by de-escalating feelings of threat and their impact.
It is fun to become your own cheerleader, and as your self-talk improves, so will your life experiences and relationships improve. This could be a good step in healing our world!
Janet Whitney, MA, LMFT, has been a licensed psychotherapist since 1982. She is the author of the book and program entitled, Facing Your Fears and Following Your Dreams.
