10 Simple Things People Who Are Exceptionally Happy Do When Sadness Strikes
PeopleImages | Canva Happiness is meant to be shared, but sometimes the happiest people are too busy to tell the rest of the world how to stay happy when sadness hits. Research helped explain how we tend to judge life based on joy, so happiness becomes the only goal, and feeling sad is seen as a problem that needs to be fixed. Yet, sadness can actually help us learn and grow; it would be weird and unhuman to never feel sad.
Happiness can look like it was luck of the draw or a pull of the longest straw. But whatever it looks or feels like for those who have it, there are some specific things exceptionally happy people do, even if they're too busy being joyful and sparkly to share their secrets.
Here are 10 simple things people who are exceptionally happy do when sadness strikes:
1. Exceptionally happy people focus on what's beautiful, even on hard days
I used to think keeping track of things to be thankful for was a contrived idea because I was too unhappy to make my way to being grateful. Then, during a difficult time, I agreed to try a daily gratitude list as a way to dig out of my sadness, and it worked.
Almost three years later, I have found that focusing on the good things helps keep my perspective clear and my attitude at least partially positive. Research backed up that gratitude makes us happier, whether it's expressed just to ourselves for what we have or to others for what they bring to our lives.
2. They enjoy their own company
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Strong social ties are key to good feelings, but a truly happy person can be comfortable on their own, too. Solitude and downtime are a good chance to relax, do the things we like to do alone, and build up energy to go back and deal with the world.
Research has shown how mass media generally trains people to view solitude as a bad thing, yet people who believe being alone is bad feel much lonelier, while those who see solitude as a good thing feel less lonely. Spending time alone in healthy doses doesn't have to mean being lonely, and if I'm happy on my own and comfortable with myself, I really can be happy anytime, anywhere.
3. Exceptionally happy people are honest and tell the truth
Lying may provide some short-term reward, but it's a complicated and inauthentic (and uncool, let's be honest) way to live regularly. Even the most honest people can lapse from time to time, but a life that includes regular dishonesty breeds stress, the fear of being found out, and the need to keep track of complicated stories as lies inevitably compound.
A study has directly linked honest behavior to higher satisfaction with life. Honest people benefit from the happiness that comes from being real, no matter what, and happier, stronger relationships are based on trust and open communication, which is a much better approach than a string of suspicious stories.
4. They make room for fun
One of my friends recently carved out time to ride horses again. Another friend dedicated time and resources to follow her favorite musical artist on tour for a few months, and another transports rescued dogs to their new homes. Fun and joy are the bottom line in each of these activities, and happiness follows.
Work is obviously necessary to life, but the happiest people I know regularly plan and do things just for fun and fulfillment. They make time for hobbies and silliness on their own or with family and friends and nurture relationships away from professional obligations and chores.
5. Exceptionally happy people get enough sleep
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Sleep is a non-negotiable human need that too many humans still try to negotiate. Research has said the average adult needs seven to nine hours of sleep each night for health, performance, and safety in daily activities.
Lack of sleep can disrupt mood, memory, weight, and cardiovascular health, among other aspects intrinsic to health and happiness. It makes sense that rested people are happier people, or at least they're not as edgy as anyone fresh from an all-nighter and way too much caffeine.
6. They practice forgiveness
Grudges are exhausting and depressing, no matter the cause, and moving past them makes space for freedom and happiness. It isn't always easy to forgive, and it doesn't always mean liking the circumstances of how we were treated. But if there's a way to do it, on your own or with help from other caring people, it can help to leave old hurtful situations behind and open you up to writing a new, happier story.
"You hold a grudge because deep down, you believe that somehow your negative emotions will balance the scales if you can only satisfy them," explained life coach Ed Latimore. "You don't forgive because you've fallen for the illusion that you hold onto your grudge tight enough and long enough, you'll actually undo what happened. Because you refuse to let go, your present emotional state is held hostage by memories."
7. People who are exceptionally happy give to others
Ever notice how those tearjerker Instagram videos that you just "have to watch right now" usually involve someone doing something nice for someone else? Some of the happiest people are focused on helping others. As early as the toddler years, research has shown that being generous and helping others increases happiness in the giver as well as the receiver.
Helping others is a huge self-esteem boost; it just feels good to do good. When the focus is on helping someone else, it's hard to focus on the things that may be bringing us down. That is a double win.
8. They enjoy their work
Adults tend to spend a lot of time working; think of the people you know who really enjoy what they do. Their work likely utilizes their personal strengths and interests, which is a good indicator of how the happiest people make their working hours enjoyable as well. I love talking to people who are happy with their careers because the happiness tends to spill over into the rest of their lives, and that makes sense.
Leadership coach Brent Roy advised, "Assessing your values and principles is vital to happiness. When you feel out of sorts in your work environment, chances are there is a misalignment between your values and those of your employer. If you fail to address this misalignment, you could be on the path to burnout. When you’re clear on your values, it makes it easier to assess your situation and decide whether to challenge it, accept it, or leave it."
9. Exceptionally happy people have good, healthy relationships
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Research has consistently shown that strong personal relationships are a key to happiness. The happiest people have other people in their lives (partners, children, friends, colleagues, and extended family), who consistently provide mutual support and companionship.
They can avoid the isolation of loneliness by taking opportunities for connection and service regularly. Happy people like to hang with happy people, and they can make each other even happier.
10. They believe in something
The happiest people often have meaning in their lives from a larger purpose than the daily grind. Whether it's a traditional religious practice or a more general spiritual framework for life, time spent in nature, or service to a cause, people with a purpose tend to be happier.
People with a strong sense of purpose experience more positivity in their day, a study showed. A sense of purpose helps maintain a steady mood with less reactivity. A belief system can provide support for a person in stressful times, give daily structure that enhances their purpose in life, and their place in it. That's all happy stuff.
Laurie White is a freelance writer who writes about love and dating to help other women.
