10 Warning Signs You're Letting People Walk All Over You

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Boundaries are those unwritten rules that everyone has to protect themselves from other people’s behavior and get their wants and needs met. Having a “fence” around the behaviors that you do and the ones that you find acceptable from others is very important.

When you’re allowing others to cross your boundaries by not reinforcing them and speaking up, anxiety and unhappiness are the results. That includes all types of relationships, whether they are romantic, platonic, or anything in between.

When we aren’t sure where our boundaries are, or we consistently let people get away with behavior that we shouldn’t allow, it has big emotional side effects. Unfortunately, often we aren’t always good at recognizing these side effects until we’ve allowed people to treat us poorly.

RELATED: How To Stop Letting People Walk All Over You In Relationships

What does it mean to have people ‘walk all over you’?

Having people "walk all over you" means allowing others to treat you poorly, disrespectfully, or take advantage of your kindness and generosity without standing up for yourself or setting boundaries.

When you permit others to mistreat you, they may exploit your vulnerability, use you for their own gain, and disregard your needs and well-being. It's basically saying you're a "pushover" or a "doormat."

This is why it's essential to assert yourself and establish healthy boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of, and to foster self-respect and healthier relationships.

10 Signs You’re Letting People Walk All Over You

1. You feel put out.

Feeling taken advantage of or put out is a direct result of giving more than you should be reasonably giving, and then expecting something in return.

This issue is boundary-related because if you had pulled back on the giving when you saw a lack of appreciation or reciprocation, you wouldn’t feel resentful that you aren’t gaining what you had hoped to receive in return.

2. You’re allergic to saying 'no.'

Do you have a hard time saying no? Either people are regularly requesting things that they have no business asking from you, or you have a tendency to people-please (or both). It's problematic and shows that you haven’t gotten clear on what you need, feel, and want before making the shift between giving and pulling back.

We teach people how to treat us. When you don’t speak up and say "no" (thus reinforcing your boundaries), you’re perpetuating the problem by training them that whatever it is they want you to do is acceptable.

RELATED: How I Stopped Letting Everyone Treat Me Like A Doormat (& Started Saying 'No')

3. You consistently find yourself in bad situations.

Do you regularly feel like people are taking advantage of you or crossing the line frequently? This is another sign that your boundaries aren’t strong or reinforced.

If you’re allowing people to cross the line, you have boundaries that are being violated. You might not even realize that boundaries are the problem, just that you’re feeling like crap since people in your life keep pushing the limit.

4. You blame others.

Do you feel like other people are largely responsible for your hurts? Blame and recrimination of others is a sign that either you are allowing people to bust your boundaries or they were not firm in the first place.

Once you start taking more responsibility for your part in each situation, it becomes easier to see where you didn’t honor your boundaries.

5. You have trouble expressing your feelings, needs, and wants.

It’s common for people with boundary problems to not even know exactly what they need or want. If you find yourself having trouble getting your needs met in a reasonable way using clear communication, this could be you.

You may stew internally, but by having trouble expressing yourself, you’re compounding the problem.

6. You assume people will fix their behavior themselves.

If you’ve found yourself wishing and hoping that someone will come through for you, except they consistently let you down, you’re expecting too much from someone who isn’t invested enough to give to you. Or, it’s a sign that your desires might not line up with reality and you aren’t making hard decisions about the relationship.

RELATED: 7 Reasons Why You Should Never Trust A People Pleaser

7. You don't feel heard.

If you're expected to be there for your friends or partner and listen to their venting without interruption, they should also be willing to do the same for you when you need to share your feelings.

It's not right for them to take your support for granted while dismissing your own problems or not giving you the attention you deserve when you're going through a tough time. This type of one-sided behavior can be considered selfish and unfair in a relationship of any kind.

8. You're invisible... until they need your help.

This is a pretty obvious sign you are being taken advantage of. You might notice that people frequently seek your assistance, whether it's borrowing money, asking for career advice, or seeking help without offering anything in return.

In any healthy relationship, there should be a balance of give and take, with both parties supporting each other and showing genuine care and interest in each other's lives. If you find that you're always the one giving, and your friend is always taking without reciprocating, it's a concerning sign that they might be taking advantage of your kindness and generosity.

9. You're the backup plan.

If you ever find that you're the second choice, it's a bad sign. If your friends or partner would rather hang out with someone else over you, realize that you shouldn't be an option in your relationships; rather, you should be a priority.

If you're excluded from an event or chosen over someone else, shut it down immediately. You're not to settle for being the "backup."

10. You boundary shift.

Boundary shifting is when you adapt your boundaries to accommodate other people's needs.

If your friends or partner don't like a boundary, you change it or, even worse, get rid of it altogether. That is not healthy. Your boundaries are set by you alone in order to protect yourself, not to play people-pleaser to others.

If you’re experiencing these 10 things, it’s time to examine what kind of behavior you’ve been continuing to allow in your life and develop more healthy boundaries.

You can either continue to be the victim of people busting your boundaries, or you can begin instituting consequences when you start to feel like you’re not getting your wants and needs met.

RELATED: 16 Signs You're Way Too Nice For Your Own Good

Elizabeth Stone is a love coach, and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.

This article was originally published at Attract the One. Reprinted with permission from the author.