3 Perfectly Normal Things That 'Good Girls & People Pleasers' Are Allowed To Do (But Don’t Know They Are)
Remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence.
A Stock Studio / ChristianChan / Shutterstock If someone calls you a "good girl", it often translates to mean that you are a "people pleaser," willing to put everyone else’s needs above your own, no matter the personal cost. Or it means that you have subscribed to society’s idea of what a woman should be and try not to do things that might put you in a negative light.
Good girls and people pleasers tend to self-sacrifice in order to gain favor or cast themselves in the best possible light. They are conditioned to always be kind to others (deserved or not), negotiate their own boundaries to give people around them what they want and stay in situations that don’t serve them.
But there are a few things these ‘do-gooders’ and people pleasers have to remember that they're allowed to do.
In a video shared on a TikTok account called “The Good Girl Revolt,” Trauma-Informed Coach Molly Wentzel shared three things that good girls and those who love to please should do, but subconsciously believe they are not allowed to.
1. You are allowed to say "no."
People who tend to put the needs and desires of others ahead of their own struggle with saying "no."
“Logically, you might already know that, but in practice, you are allowed to say no,” said Wentzel. She went on to say that you don’t have to explain yourself. People pleasers always want to be seen as “nice,” so instead of trusting their intuition and doing what they want, they agree to things they simply do not want to do. And when they do get the nerve to decline, they feel as if they have to justify their response.
“No” is a complete sentence and should be treated as such.
2. You're allowed to let people deal with the consequences of their own actions.
Good girls feel like it’s their personal duty to make sure everyone around them is okay, even when they, themselves are not. That is a heavy burden to carry and Wentzel advises that the only people we have that responsibility for are our children. Other adults are accountable for their own feelings and emotions and should take accountability.
“They will try to make it your responsibility, so expect pushback,” she warns. When it happens, be sure to stand your ground and disengage from any negativity or drama that does not involve you.
3. You are allowed to walk away.
You have no obligation to stay in any situation that no longer serves you.
It’s important to understand that just because someone drops a problem in your lap doesn’t mean it’s yours to solve. It’s not your job to fix anyone and you don’t have to deal with whatever it is other people choose to dish out. No matter how much or how long you tried to help, there will be people who never take charge of their own lives and well-being, and it might be past time for you to check out of the situation.
Keep in mind that the most important opinion about your quality as a person is what you think about yourself. Never let anyone take advantage of your desire to be kind and do good in the world by putting you in situations you’d rather not be in.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington who specializes in content self-love, interpersonal relationships, and lifestyle topics. She strives to deliver informative and entertaining news you can use to help navigate life.