11 Signs Someone In Your Life Is Just Not Interesting, According To Psychology
Sometimes people just aren't all that interesting to be around.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock We all value different things, especially when it comes to the people we create relationships with. When you meet someone who’s meant to be in your life, your connection deepens over time. You genuinely enjoy being together, and you find them truly interesting because it seems like there’s always more to discover about them.
What makes one person interesting to you might make them boring to someone else. You might love talking about fantasy novels for hours on end, while another person is devoted to cooking every recipe in the 1950s-era cookbook they found at a thrift store. If you notice signs that someone in your life just is not interesting, it could mean they’re not the right person for you.
Here are 11 signs someone in your life is just not interesting, according to psychology
1. They don’t ask questions
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A sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they don’t ask questions. The conversations you have with them are fairly one-sided, since they don’t show much interest in talking about anything but themselves. You know about their recurring dreams, their career goals, and that amazing restaurant they went to, but they don’t ask about your goals or dreams.
They’re not curious about the world around them, either. They accept the world at face value. They don’t wonder why things work the way they do. Their overall lack of curiosity is a sign they’re just not that interesting.
According to The Greater Good Science Center, being curious expands our capacity for empathy, as asking thoughtful questions helps us understand the people around us on a deeper level. We all experience the world in different ways, and someone who doesn’t ask about your experience isn’t especially inquisitive or caring, which makes them just not interesting.
2. They don’t try new things
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Another sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they resist trying new things. They’re comfortable exactly where they are, firmly in their comfort zone, which means they don’t want to go on a road trip to find every swimming hole in southern New Hampshire or try the five-course French meal you whipped up.
The things they take comfort in aren’t the same things you care about. You might want to stay up all night making friendship bracelets for the Eras Tour and eating too much ice cream, but they go to bed at 9 P.M. sharp, so they can wake up at sunrise to do yoga. Because they don’t try new things, they’re not willing to meet you halfway, like agreeing to stay up a little later for ice cream.
Not being open-minded and flexible is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting.
3. They dismiss what you’re passionate about
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Dismissing your passions and hobbies is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting. They don’t want to hear stories about the modern dance performance you saw or watch you juggle clementines, even though you just figured out how to do four pieces of fruit at a time.
Most of our friendships and partnerships have some form of misalignment, meaning that we’re not interested in everything the person we love is interested in. Yet by being dismissive about the things you care about, they’re showing that they’re just not interesting.
Their invalidating attitude indicates that they’re not a passionate person, which means they don’t place value on doing something just because it’s fun and joyful. A positive psychology study looked at the effects of passion on people’s well-being, noting that having passion leads to flow and positive emotions, along with psychological well-being and better health.
The study defined passion as “a strong inclination toward a self-defining activity that people like (or love), find important, and in which they invest time and energy.” Having harmonious passion allows people to do what they love, which makes them interesting.
The researchers concluded that “passion can indeed make people’s lives worth living to the extent that it is harmonious in nature.”
4. They’re overly critical
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Being overly critical is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting. They might have a critical nature because they were raised in a judgmental home, and they carried those negative messages into how they see other people. They have harsh opinions on everything, including their own imperfections. Over time, their criticism becomes repetitive, which is a sign they’re just not interesting.
Pamela Aloia, a certified grief coach, touched on the ways being hyper-critical, of both yourself and others, can wear down any relationship.
“Criticism in general begets more criticism,” Aloia pointed out. ”If you are always looking at yourself for things that are wrong, you will tend to view your relationships and all life experiences through that same lens.”
“While there is usually room for improvement in all of us and in many situations, a healthy balance of constructive reflection and staying aware of your strengths is always helpful,” she explained.
“In a healthy, balanced relationship, including the relationship with yourself, you can learn to play your strengths to your weaknesses and see the good in yourself, which then can translate to seeing the good in others and external situations,” she concluded.
5. They don’t get excited about the world around them
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Another sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they don’t get excited about the world around them. They don’t notice the beauty of clouds or the earthy smell of rain hitting the pavement. They don’t care about watching sunsets or listening to you recount that funny conversation you overheard on the subway.
They don’t find joy in the little things or celebrate small wins. They don’t have a sense of awe or wonder. Their lack of enthusiasm and excitement make them boring to be around, and it’s a sign they are just not interesting.
6. They’re pessimistic
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Being pessimistic is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting. They see the world through a cynical lens, which means they always see the worst in other people. They are quick to point out flaws and imperfections, and they always see themselves as a victim.
The conversations you have with them revolve around every bad thing that happened this week, along with all their grievances. Their constant negative energy eventually drags you down.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann defined pessimism as “a mindset or way of thinking that showcases your perspective in a negative light.”
She noted that feeling pessimistic is part of life’s journey, but staying stuck in the dark is no way to live a full, nourishing life. “Life has ups and downs,” she shared. “And while we all hope that one day we will find happiness that will stick, life will still give us lemons and we will struggle.”
“Reconnecting with the strength that we have used in the past to get through bad times can give us hope for the future and maybe even help us start to plan what that future could look like,” she concluded.
Being pessimistic at times is part of being a person in a difficult world, but someone who defines their life solely with negativity is just not interesting.
7. They have no sense of humor
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Having no sense of humor is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting. If they can’t find the funny parts of life, it shows that they see the world in a fairly one-dimensional way, which makes them uninteresting. Having a sense of humor is essential to getting through tough times.
When we’re in a low place, laughing with people we love gives us a glimmer of hope that things will be okay. It’s possible to take the world seriously and also see what’s funny about it. Using humor as a coping mechanism and a source of comfort helps us find light, even in darkness. Being overly serious and having no sense of humor is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting.
8. They avoid meaningful conversations
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Another sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they avoid having meaningful conversations. They might have excellent social skills and be masters of small talk, but discussing the weather is as deep as they allow conversations to go. They don’t share how they feel or disclose their thoughts, which signals that they have a hard time opening up on a more vulnerable level.
Social worker Terry Gaspard shared that being vulnerable is the key to long-lasting relationships. “Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it's a strength,” she explained. She pointed out that showing vulnerability is the only way to build trust and intimacy.
If you keep your walls up, it shows that “you're afraid to let your authentic self shine and to share your innermost thoughts, feelings, and wishes,” Gaspard concluded. Staying on the surface level is a sign someone in your life is just not interesting.
9. They’re inauthentic
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A sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they're inauthentic. They don’t live according to their truest self, which makes them boring to be around. Dr. Kate Siner, a teacher and mentor, shared how living authentically allows people to experience life to the fullest.
“When we are in integrity with ourselves, we're more connected to the core of who we are,” she explained. “Each one of us needs to create a life and or business in alignment with who we are at a deep level and our values help us do this.”
“When you are more connected to your core, your path forward seems clearer, you feel happier and more at peace, and you are able to have a more positive impact,” Dr. Siner concluded.
When someone is aligned with their authenticity, they show up as who truly they are, without apologies, without masking. Because they know who they are, they add value to your life, and help guide you toward full authenticity, too.
10. They lack self awareness
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Another sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they’re not self-aware. They don’t take time to reflect on who they are and how they want to enter the world. When someone considers the way they want to live and how they want to show up for themselves and the people they care about, they become a more fully-realized version of themselves, which makes them interesting.
Debra Smouse shared just how powerful self-awareness can be in helping us create the life we’ve always wanted. “Learning to improve self-awareness allows us to make better choices and curate a lifestyle that makes us feel engaged and alive,” she explained.
Smouse described self-awareness as “the ability to observe ourselves and understand why we react and how we behave in our lives.” Without self-awareness, “You are cutting yourself off from the very tools you need to, not just pursue your desires, but enhance the quality of your everyday experiences,” she revealed.
If someone in your life avoids self-reflection, it means they’re unwilling or unable to know themselves on a deeper level, which is a sign they are just not interesting.
11. They don’t hold space for change
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A final sign someone in your life is just not interesting is that they don’t allow room for change, within themselves or the people around them. They’re resistant to the idea of self-improvement, which keeps them stagnant. They don’t push themselves to explore their inner world, so they stay stuck in who they are.
Their inability to hold space for change directly impacts the way they relate to others. They keep people in rigid boxes, defining them by past mistakes, which doesn’t allow for any growth. This is another way that their relationships stay on the surface level, which is a definitive sign someone in your life is just not interesting.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.