11 Signs A Man Secretly Hates Women, Even If He Doesn't Realize It
Men who hate women may not consciously realize it, but their actions are quite revealing.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock A misogynist is someone who is hostile or controlling towards women, and even hates them. Though we'd like to think they're a rare breed, they're actually all around and notoriously hard to spot. In most cases, misogynists don't even know that they hate women.
Whether it's being extremely competitive, cheating on his partner, or acting controlling, the signs a man secretly hates women, even if he doesn't realize it, become a bit more obvious as time passes. Unfortunately, even when the misogyny reaches maturity and the tendency toward acting with hatred toward women can no longer be controlled, the misogynist and the women around him will often fail to notice the condition until it's too late.
Here are 11 signs a man secretly hates women, even if he doesn't realize it
1. He chooses women to target
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When a man hates women, he will zero in on a particular woman and choose her as his target. At first, her natural defenses may be down because he acts flirtatious, exciting, fun, and charismatic, but soon, she may begin to realize that he's not who he says he is.
Cornell philosophy professor Kate Manne explained, "Most misogynistic behavior is about hostility toward women who violate patriarchal norms and expectations, who aren't serving male interests in the ways they're expected to. So there's this sense that women are doing something wrong: that they're morally objectionable or have a bad attitude or they're abrasive or shrill or too pushy. But women only appear that way because we expect them to be otherwise, to be passive."
2. He has a dual personality
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At first, he may appear charming and compassionate, but over time, it becomes evident he has a split personality. Perhaps he becomes aggressive or controlling with his partner, shedding his façade of a caring, empathetic man. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.
This kind of behavior is not only confusing, but can become terrifying. That's especially true if things spiral into abuse or violence.
3. He makes promises to women and fails to keep them
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Part of being respectful is keeping promises you make. Unfortunately, one of the glaring signs a man secretly hates women, even if he doesn't realize it, is constantly breaking those promises and not feeling an ounce of remorse. It shows he has no regard for how a woman feels, and likely doesn't respect women, in general.
With men, on the other hand, a misogynist will almost always keep his word. It's because he views men differently from women.
4. He's late for appointments or dates with women, but is punctual with men
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Because men who hate women believe that women are inferior, a misogynist has no problem wasting a woman's time. Whether he's scheduled to meet a woman for a date or has an appointment with a female doctor, he doesn't bother to show up on time.
However, the same can't be said for men he intends to meet. He's always on time for those appointments, and likely even makes it a point to show up early.
5. His behavior toward women is grandiose, controlling, and self-centered
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According to victim advocacy specialist Jessica Marie Elorduy, controlling behavior is common among misogynistic behavior. She noted how a misogynist may portray themselves as protective, when it's actually just overlapping with their controlling actions.
"Being 'protective' is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it means truly wanting the best for another person and being willing to support them as they make their own choices. However, 'protective' can quickly turn into controlling when it starts to look like dictating what a partner can wear or who they can interact with. Controlling behaviors can appear when one person does not respect the right and ability of their partner to make their own choices," she explained.
6. He's extremely competitive, especially with women
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If a woman does better than a misogynist, socially or professionally, he feels terrible. In fact, he may see himself as "weak" or "not manly enough" if he's lost a competition to a woman in some way.
If a man does better, however, a misogynistic man may have mixed feelings about it. But at the end of the day, he's able to look at the situation objectively.
7. He treats women differently
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One of the signs a man secretly hates women, even if he doesn't realize it, is by treating women differently. Whether it's in social settings, the workplace, or even in his own family, he will allow men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.
Misogynistic men treat women differently because he not only values the thoughts and opinions of men more, but he feels a superiority over women and not men.
8. He uses anything within his power to make women feel miserable
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Another of the big signs a man secretly hates women, even if he doesn't realize it, is going out of his way to make women feel poorly about themselves.
In public, he may make jokes to women or put them down. In a professional setting, he might steal their ideas and present them as his own. In relationships, he may demand or withhold intimacy, or even borrow money from a woman without paying them back.
According to lawyer David Akindolire, "Some misogynists want women to excel. But too much of that leaves a bad taste. Men must not be threatened, emasculated. And no matter what a woman achieves, she must ultimately be led by a man."
9. He treats a woman the opposite of how she prefers
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If a woman is old-fashioned and prefers a "gentleman" who holds the door for her, orders for both, and pays for the meal, a misogynist will treat her like one of his male friends, order for himself only, and let her pay for the whole meal.
If she's more independent who prefers to order her own meal and pay for herself, he will rudely order for both and pay the check while she goes to the bathroom. The point is that he wants to maintain control, so whatever she wants or needs, he will do the opposite.
10. He cheats on every woman he dates
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Though not all men cheat in relationships, for a misogynistic man, monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman. Infidelity isn't inherently misogynistic, as women cheat as well, but it can still be gendered.
As journalist and novelist Megan Nolan explained, "A man cheating could be — though isn't always — cheating because of a messed up gendered dynamic in his relationship. He could be abusing the imbalance of power and dependence which is present in many hetero relationships to manipulate his partner into accepting shoddy treatment. He could be spurred on to cheat because of a sense of entitlement that many men suffer from; they deserve to have everything they want, regardless of how it affects others."
11. He disappears suddenly from relationships
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A man who doesn't realize he's being misogynistic may suddenly disappear from a relationship without ending it, but may come back three months later with an explanation designed to lure the woman back in. It's just another form of control and manipulation.
He's able to attract women with his charm and charisma, which further adds to the difficulty of spotting the early warning signs. Being in an unequal relationship like this isn't normal, but those indicators may not appear at first glance.
Berit "Brit" Brogaard, D.M.Sci., Ph.D., is a professor of philosophy and Director of the Brogaard Lab for Multisensory Research at the University of Miami. Her work has been featured on MSNBC, Daily Mail, TIME, Psychology Today, and ABC News.
