10 Signs You Have Empathy Burnout & Are Just Tired Of Understanding Why People Do What They Do
Halfpoint | Shutterstock Being empathetic doesn't always mean setting yourself up for exhaustion. However, when you're regularly distressing yourself by absorbing the negativity of others or putting your needs to the side in hopes of understanding someone else, empathy burnout may be to blame for the emotional exhaustion that follows.
A person with empathy burnout usually shows these signs when they are over trying to understand why people are they way they are:
1. You feel resentful of people you love
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Even if you've spent years or decades supporting loved ones without questioning their intentions or motives, if you're facing burnout, all these relationships may feel strained. If you're noticing someone ignoring your needs or expecting special treatment without any kind of gratitude, it may be a final reminder that you've been taken advantage of.
On an emotional level, we're drained, but according to positive psychology coach Diane E. Dreher, this lingering resentment can also take a toll on our physical health. It's like a secret that takes more energy to hold than to release, creating more stress and anger than we realize under the surface.
2. You start feeling guilty for not caring enough
When you finally see the bigger picture of someone's helplessness or entitlement, it often feels harder to care. You notice they're not taking control of their own lives or weaponizing incompetence to get your help, and it's exhausting to deal with. While there's certainly this level of guilt that you're not doing enough to help or support them, everyone is better off with these boundaries.
Especially when you're finally offered the time and space to invest back in yourself, the empathy burnout you're facing is just a road back to self-advocacy and self-care.
3. You isolate yourself regularly
According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, lonely people are often more likely to adopt empathetic behaviors, usually because they cherish good connections and helping others, as well as feeling important to other individuals. However, when someone is exhausted from supporting others in this way and dealing with burnout, isolating may also be a coping strategy.
Luckily, as long as you have an intentionally positive attitude going into this alone time, it can be the key to relieving pent-up stress and offering space for true rest.
4. People with empathy burnout often suffer from brain fog
Many people experiencing emotional exhaustion develop brain fog over time because their brains can't handle all the emotional turmoil they're facing on top of daily tasks and obligations. Much like someone with a fight or flight nervous system, these people find it impossible to focus on even the most basic responsibilities.
If you're constantly taking on the emotions of other people, starting to comprehend people's bad intentions in the world, or coping with worldly news that never slows down, of course your brain is too overwhelmed to make space for what you're having for dinner or how you should respond to that email.
5. You may feel emotionally numb
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When your mind is drained and exhausted from taking on other people's needs and emotions, it may start shutting down as a means of protecting itself. For example, you might feel more emotionally numb and drained after having a vulnerable conversation with someone, not because you don't care, but because you literally don't have the emotional space to offer.
Especially if you're already stressed out and battling anxiety, feeling numb has become a defense mechanism for your brain.
6. You can often become more irritable
Many people with empathy burnout start having more days where they have nothing left to give. They don't have the capacity to offer compassion to other people and find themselves being more rigid with their expectations in relationships, not because they're insensitive, but because they're drained.
Considering irritability is also often a symptom of chronic stress, it's not surprising that someone who's regularly drained by interactions is also more likely to be a bit hostile.
7. You may even start to get persistent headaches
On top of strained relationships, prompting unhealthy coping mechanisms and lowering our mood, a 2020 study found that compassion fatigue and exhaustion can also cause physical symptoms like headaches and illness.
So, if you notice you're feeling more exhausted during the afternoon slump than you typically are or deal with chronic headaches on a daily basis, there's a chance it's because you've been neglecting your own needs for too long, and your body is begging you to refocus.
8. People with empathy burnout often feel tired all the time
While many people today feel chronically exhausted by family responsibilities or economic pressures, people facing empathy burnout are fatigued for a very different reason. Their exhaustion comes from inside, where their needs are going unmet, and they're missing out on the meaning of helping others because they've lacked boundaries for so long.
Yes, helping people can make you feel connected and important, but if you're constantly putting other people's needs before your own, you sabotage your ability to reap any of those benefits.
9. You start overreacting to minor inconveniences
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Disproportionate reactions are common for people dealing with burnout because their capacity for emotional regulation goes out the window. They already have so much turmoil and stress swirling around in their brains that dealing with other complex emotions and frustrations, even when they're small, feels impossible.
Instead, they blow up in harmless arguments with friends, finding themselves acting entirely out of character and taking on way more stress around minor inconveniences than they need to. Despite feeling relieved in the moment, much like a complaining session would, in the long run, these moments only serve as a reminder that they need to decompress and care for themselves.
10. You feel instantly drained by the news
Whether it's the stimulation of being on your phone all the time or the chronic sadness you feel every time you open a news app or social media, people facing empathy burnout often can't mitigate the stressors of the internet. They can't seem to avoid the headlines and new stories, and because they feel forced to watch and read, they're drained all over again, usually before they step out of bed.
So, if you find yourself taking on more stress and worry about the state of the world than everyone around you, that's not always a bad thing. It's a sign that you care. However, you do need boundaries and space to protect your own well-being, especially if you want to take action and change something.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
