If Someone Has These 11 Draining Habits, They're Probably Exhausting To Be Around
GaudiLab | Shutterstock You probably know people who have persistent, draining habits that make them exhausting to be around. While these types of behavior aren't always a problem in isolation, when faced with a combination of them on a regular basis they all have the same impact: they drive people away.
Often, people don't realize how exhausting these habits are to be around. They often end up lonely, having pushed people away. Fortunately, they can all be overcome if someone wants to face this reality.
If someone has these 11 draining habits, they're probably exhausting to be around
1. They make everything about themselves
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People who are exhausting to be around often make everything about themselves. It's almost like they can't help themselves.
At a party, they have to be the center of attention and the main person talked about. This explains why they interrupt conversations and do their best to outshine others. In an excited voice, they'll tell people the most outrageous stories, hoping to garner attention and a couple of laughs.
Sometimes this is charming, but if they're not careful their behavior becomes draining for others to be around. People will eventually tire of their constant chatter, prompting them to distance themselves as much as possible.
2. They talk negatively about other people
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People who are exhausting to be around often can't help but delve into the latest scandal. In their eyes, this is just another way to bond and stay connected, so they'll eagerly take out their phone and show 'receipts' or talk smack about their close loved ones.
Unfortunately, this constant negativity is bound to get old at some point. After all, when you hear someone gossiping, you most likely assume you cannot trust them to be respectful of you behind your back. People will grow tired of hearing negative comments all day and will slowly begin to distance themselves.
Which in turn, will lead to a bucket load of loneliness and eventual social isolation, which the CDC insists is bad for your health.
3. They play the victim
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Another behavior that makes people exhausting to be around is expressing persistent victim mentality, as it often reads as a way to avoid responsibility. People who can't take accountability exhaust others for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps the biggest is their inability to see fault within their own actions.
For most, this lack of self-awareness is a major downfall that will send people inching away, and rightfully so. This lack of accountability is draining for others, especially if they've tried to help the person with victim mentality find empowerment in the past.
4. They can’t stop complaining
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If you know someone with the draining habit of non-stop complaining, you know how exhausting it is to be around. A a coffee date, they may say something like, "These seats are uncomfortable," and then whine about their life and how hard they have it. Throughout their outing, pretty much all of the comments coming out of their mouth are filled with negativity and dissatisfaction.
As counselor William Berry writes, negativity is natural, but when overly indulged can become problematic. "As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for," he writes. "Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness."
Due to their behavior, it's safe to say chronic complainers like this won't be invited to out again anytime soon. Their constant negativity weighs down on others.
5. They don’t respect boundaries
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People who don't respect boundaries are often exhausting to be around. They push and push and push, so your guard has to be up all the time, which can be incredibly draining.
These types of people will cling to others and get into their personal space with zero consideration. Furthermore, they won't respect their need for privacy, leading the other person to feel disrespected and unheard.
A lack of boundaries can also lead to burnout and can worsen conflict. One study found that a lack of feeling heard is the strongest predictor of conflict in relationships. This doesn't only apply to romantic relationships. In general, people who feel heard and understood will become less defensive, which allows for better communication.
Listening to others and respecting their boundaries is essential. Failing to do this can lead to an increase in tension, resentment, and exhaustion.
6. They’re overdramatic
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Nobody likes a drama queen. These types of people lack self-awareness and are exhausting to be around. They drain the energy from others as the people around them are forced to cater to their every need.
Often, in order to not upset them, people will tiptoe around them and keep their opinions to a minimum. This isn't healthy, as a lack of emotional expression leads to a build-up of resentment. In relationships, resentment is a leading cause of relationships ending.
In addition, people who are overdramatic often read as dishonest. After all, people know what a natural, reasonable reaction looks like, and while everyone is allowed a dramatic moment or overreaction from time-to-time, chronic over-reactors are stretching the truth, often to get attention, and that is just draining to be around.
7. They don't keep their promises
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People who don't keep their promises are often exhausting to be around. They'll smile at their friends and promise that they'll help them. Then weeks later when it's time to help they'll text, "Oops I fell asleep, sorry." This bad habit is sometimes called "future faking" because it's so much deeper than just being flaky.
This isn't just disrespectful to the other person, it's also a betrayal of trust. When someone feels like they can't trust a friend or other loved one, being around them will drain their energy. And nobody wants to spend time with someone who perpetually drains them.
8. They’re presistently indecisive
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Finally, people with the draining habit of persistent indecision can really exhaust you. When invited out to lunch they'll spend twenty minutes changing their mind about what they should get. Panicking, they'll ask their friends a million times, "What do you think? I'm not sure."
This type of behavior isn't just annoying. Over time, having to make decisions for others can leave people feeling burdened. Moreover, needing to reassure someone that their decision was fine leads to a load of annoyance as the entire conversation goes from catching up to becoming a therapy session.
This isn't fun for anyone involved, as their back-and-forth negative energy will leave both parties feeling stressed out and more confused than when they started.
9. They have no internal volume control
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If you know someone who seems to have no ability to control the volume of your life, you know they can be exhausting to be around. Usually these people are fun, vibrant people who are initially attractive because of their enthusiasm. Soon, though, you realize that they have no idea how loud they're being.
In many settings, this lack of internal volume control is no big deal. But when you're out in public and they're not reading the room, their loudness can become disrespect. This gets even worse when their voices sound angry or confrontational, as this can attract people who want to start trouble.
Sometimes, especially in people with a neurodivergence, the lack of internal volume control isn't a bad habit, it's part of their difference. The same goes for people with hearing impairments. But for most people, it's just a bad habit.
According to communication skills teacher Vinh Giang, this draining habit is something most people can change, and it's well worth the effort to do so.
10. They're highly confrontational
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Have you ever had a friend who always seemed to be looking for a fight? These people often don't even realize they're being confrontational, they think other people are always trying to "start something" with them.
This is one of the most draining habits, not just for the person who can't figure out why everyone wants to fight them, but also for the people who are exhausted being around them. After all, you have to be hyper-vigilant when you're with a confrontational friend by trying to keep them calm and watching out for threats.
The saddest part is that these same people often have a victim mentality, assuming they have no control over this habit. In reality, therapy and mindfulness could probably do them wonders.
11. They're overly competitive
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In most cases, being competitive is a good thing. It inspires people to work harder and challenge themselves. But sometimes, being competitive can be a draining habit that others find exhausting to be around.
When someone is overly competitive, they don't just reserve it for the basketball court or your weekly card game, they compete for pretty much everything in life. Even if you work in different fields, they may get agitated if you get a promotion. They may even rush to get engaged to someone they just started dating just because you got engaged.
According to Dr. Stephanie A. Sarkis, "unhealthy competitiveness can result from insecurities, fear of failure, or a desire for external validation. This type of competitiveness can be harmful to ourselves and others."
As you can imagine, this draining habit can cause a person to lose sight of what really matters: their relationships.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
