12 Signs You're An Emotional Masochist And Crave Abuse

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Some folks out there always seem to end up in relationships that make them miserable but won’t leave them no matter how bad they get.

Though there are some people who legitimately are trying to push through in hopes that things will change, there are others who are in these kinds of relationships because they, on some level, crave abuse.

These folks are called emotional masochists, and they’re more common than you’d want to believe. In fact, you might be one, too, especially if any of these signs ring true.

Here are 12 signs you're an emotional masochist and crave abuse:

1. You have stayed in relationships you knew were bad for you, even when you realized it was never going to get better.

Most of the time, abused people will go back to an abuser because they are holding out hope that things will change. If you know it’s not going to change and you still are with him, there’s a good chance that the reason why you’re with him is that you crave abuse.

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2. You legitimately get bored or lose attraction when a guy isn’t being mean, cold, distant, or volatile with you.

This is actually one of the more common reasons why emotional masochists end up in so many abusive relationships. They literally get bored when guys aren’t terrorizing them on an emotional level.

3. You tend to seek out the approval of people who are nothing but mean to you.

Look, I get this because I’ve done it in the past. But eventually, I realized that getting their approval isn’t ever going to happen. I began to focus on people who do like me — and the people who don’t, I pity.

If you’re stuck in that loop, it can be frustrating, but you need to realize you are only hurting yourself. Unless you are a glutton for rejection, you might want to change course.

4. When there’s no drama around, you do your part to stir some up.

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Believe it or not, drama hurts everyone, including the person who stirred it up. If you are one of those people who love to see tears, arguments, and shouting, you might be an emotional masochist. This is doubly true if most of the shouting happens in your direction.

5. People regularly take advantage of you or tell you that you’re “too nice.”

From what I’ve seen, a lot of people who are doormats and pleasers tend to be emotional masochists. Users are excellent for heartbreak.  

6. You’ve gone out with guys who you know treated others poorly.

A leopard will not change its spots. If you knew a guy was a wife-beater or a cheater because you’ve seen him do it to others, you should know that it won’t be any different when he’s with you. If you still went out with him while knowing this, you are a masochist.

7. You are regularly made fun of by “friends” but don’t ever stand up for yourself.

This is either a sign that you’re an emotional masochist or have cripplingly low self-esteem or both. Either way, it’s not healthy for you to hang out with these people.

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8. The vast majority of relationships and friendships you had have been abusive on one level or another.

If this is the case, you have to wonder what’s going on here. Are you actually okay with this, or are you just really unlucky? Do you crave abuse, or are you afraid to stand up for yourself? Only you can answer those questions.

9. When you’re too happy or too content, you find reasons to beat yourself up.

Believe it or not, there are people out there who will work tirelessly to find new problems when there really aren’t any at all. This is because they can’t stand the silence of contentment for too long. For them, they need drama and sadness to survive. Sound familiar?

10. You pick fights just because you want to argue and shed some tears.

This is a little bit different from causing drama because it’s not causing drama as much as it is alienating yourself from people who probably like you. If you feel the need to do this, you may secretly want people to hate you.

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11. You push people away when they get too close or when they make you too happy.

People who enjoy being in some kind of pain don’t like having positive people around them. They like hurting. As a result, positive people tend to get pushed away by them, either consciously or subconsciously.

12. Deep down inside, you know everything you’re doing is hurting you but you don’t want to stop.

This is the crux of the matter. People know when they’re messing up their lives and they also know when it’s taking a serious toll on them. If you’re aware of it and doing nothing to change it, knowing how bad it is, you’re probably an emotional masochist on some level.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer who focuses on dating, relationships, love, and all sorts of lifestyle stuff. 

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